Never Really An End
by paganaidd
Summary: About 10 years after the Mage Storms. Talia is stricken with a serious illness. Lots of family crisis. Might make you cry. None of the characters are mine, no money is being made. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

Kerowyn woke up slowly, a long strange dream just on the edge of her mind. The sun was coming in through the half open curtains in bright fresh stripes. She turned over, looked at Eldan and brushed his thoughts. He opened one eye "Let me sleep" he mumbled, closed it again.

She smiled, they'd been up unusually late last night, for once for fun rather than crisis. She kissed his head, she thought about just laying with him for a bit, but she could never go back to sleep once she'd wakened. She stretched and reached out to her Companion :Sayvil?:

:Good morning: Sayvil said cheerfully

:How's your morning, kechara?:

:Quiet so far. Just lazing. Did you know that Del went out to Choose yesterday? Ran out of here like his tail was on fire.: Del was Sayvil's one and only foal. Born in that glorious year after the Mage Storms ended. Many foals were born that year. Del would be among the first to choose, then.

:Well good for him!: congratulated Kerowyn, :How are you doing with that?:

Sayvil shrugged mentally :They all grow up. Its not as complicated for us as it is for human parents. They spend a lot less time being children than human foals do. Anyway, he'll be back soon with his Chosen. Its a good time to be Choosing:

:What, you mean NOT in the middle of a battle? Where's the adventure in that?:

Sayvil laughed :I Chose late, if you hadn't been so cursed stubborn...:

Kero laughed with her. Eldan snored on.

After a moment Sayvil said :Gwena said Elspeth is asking for you—she's down in the common room.: a pause while Sayvil presumably spoke to Gwena :Elspeth's worried about Talia, says she looks sick. Wants you to help pursuade her to see a healer:

:Have you asked Rolan about it?:

:Haven't seen him this morning. That's strange.: Sayvil and Rolan were fairly close, Kerowyn knew. Actually, she suspected that Rolan was Del's father although Sayvil never said and Kero never asked. :I'll go look for him: said Sayvil after another moment. Kero tumbled out of bed and started getting dressed.

:Where're you going?: asked Eldan without opening his eyes

"Breakfast with Elspeth"

:Hmm, tell her hello.:

It was the beginning of the Midsummer holiday so there were only a few Heralds taking their meals in the common room this morning. In all, maybe five or six were eating their breakfasts. Other off duty Heralds, like Eldan, were using the holiday as an opportunity to sleep in.

From the other side of the room, Kerowyn thought Talia looked unwell.

Elspeth and Darkwind sat on either side of her at the table, but Talia was silent, poking at her food. She rubbed the bridge of her nose with her eyes closed. It was early, but Talia was generally more awake this time of day than most. Her heart shaped face was drawn, not merely pale but ashen. Elspeth caught Kero's eye and nodded towards Talia, her eyebrows drawn together

Kerowyn took Elspeth's meaning, sometimes it took more than one of them to bully Talia into taking care of herself. And Kerowyn remembered that Dirk was off somewhere with a flock of trainees. She sat across the table from Talia, "Are you all right?"

Talia nodded without looking at her. Elspeth looked at Kerowyn, worry and fear plainly evident "Talia, love. Perhaps you should see a healer? You don't look well" said Elspeth

"I'm alright...just..." Talia's voice trailed off and her eyes drifted off to look to Kero's right. Her words were oddly slurred "...Rolan..?" she whispered, she began to shiver, then she moaned and put her hands on the sides of her head

:Kero: Sayvil said sharply in Kerowyn's head :Rolan says..."

Before Sayvil could finish Talia went rigid. She fell backward off the bench as her limbs jerked. Her eyes rolled up in her sockets and her jaw clenched. Darkwind caught her before her head could hit the floor. Elspeth grabbed a cushion to put under her. "Go get a healer!" Elspeth barked at one of the gawking Heralds. "Is she breathing?!" she asked Darkwind.

Darkwind eased Talia onto the floor and said, "I don't...yes. I think the fit is passing—has she ever done anything like this?"

"No, never"

Darkwind put his hand to Talia's forehead, "She's..." He didn't finish, he rocked back on his heels like he'd been struck

:Kero! Rolan says he can't Hear her! He...O, damn! Shield yourself!:

Kero shielded herself as hard as she ever had and still the world went mad. Waves of pain and nausea passed over her. Raped, broken, tortured, her feet crushed beyond all hope of healing. Wound fever would kill her before blood loss, but her whole universe was pain. Darren and his Companion dead. Died in her arms. Sayvil was gone. Eldan would never know she loved him...

:KERO! SHIELD YOURSELF! ITS NOT YOURS!:

Sayvil's thoughts were like a physical hand grabbing, pulling her from a dark place. Kerowyn's shields were reinforced. She was herself again, with her own thoughts, in her own mind. She shook herself, hard. The common room became real again. Darkwind still knelt next to Talia. His eyes were open and his arms hung limply from his shoulders. By his expression he gazed on something horrible that he couldn't turn his head from. He was making small strangled sounds in his throat

:Kero! Bring Talia outside! She can't find Rolan. She's trapped in a nightmare. She pulled you into it. She pulled all of you into it:

Elspeth cowered on the floor with her head covered. Someone was wailing. Kerowyn hesitated, looking around at the others in the room. "What about..?"

One other Herald had pulled himself out of the vision and staggered to his feet, He was a red haired man who rarely crossed paths with her. For the life of her, Kerowyn couldn't remember his name. "I'll take care of this lot." he gasped. "Get her to Rolan."

Kerowyn picked Talia up from the floor, fortunately Talia was slight enough that Kero could carry her like a child. She ran down the stairs as quickly as she could with her burden, :Sayvil, did she get every Herald, or just those in the room with her?:

:Darkwind was the target. I think just those near her were pulled in...Although I think every Gifted in the Palace caught some of it.:

:Shouldn't I wait for a healer?:

:I think only Rolan can get her out. He's afraid she might pull in the other Heralds if she does that again:

At last, she flung herself into the little garden courtyard just outside the kitchens. She knew that Rolan and Sayvil were there. Rolan collapsed onto a bed of herbs,

:Put her against him—if they're in physical contact he should be able to reach her: Sayvil said

Kerowyn bent down on one knee and propped Talia up against Rolan's side. She had some vague memory that a healer had once told her that it was easier for someone to breathe that way. Talia began to shake again, Kero worried that another fit was coming on. Instead Talia moaned and opened unfocused eyes

:Sayvil! Is someone getting a healer?: Kerowyn snapped

:Devan's coming: Sayvil replied. Then after a moment, :She's not breathing!: Sayvil said in a panic.

Rolan was completely still, perhaps in a trance, trying to reach his Chosen. Kerowyn felt for a pulse. It was slow but there. She put her mouth on Talia's. One breath, two. Talia gasped, started coughing, "Herald?" she whispered, then moaned as if in pain, "But I sent a broken arrow..." She spoke so quietly that Kerowyn would have not heard had she not been so close.

:Rolan says she's frightened and likely to attack a healer. You need to get through to her. :

:ME?:

:You're a Herald. Darkwind tried to mind touch her and...hurt her. She doesn't Hear well, but be reassuring and she'll Feel and Hear you. Rolan and I will Help:

Right. Reassuring. Kerowyn thought of all the times she'd had to pep talk young recruits and calm down scared farmers :Talia? Herald Talia?:

Kerowyn suddenly had a curious double vision. A much younger Talia sat in the grass against Rolan's side, battered and barely alive. Her eyes were swollen nearly shut. One hand clutched at a bloody wound in her shoulder. "Who's there?" She whispered

:It's Herald Kerowyn:

Kerowyn Felt a trembling little touch against her mind and then Felt Talia brush against Sayvil. The double vision faded and Talia focused her eyes and clutched Kerowyn's hands. "Selenay. You've got to tell Selenay...Orthallen's a traitor. Ancar...killed Kris" She gasped out in terror

"Shhh. Talia, its all right. Ancar's dead" Kerowyn wasn't sure who Orthallen was, but Ancar had been dead, what...? 12 years? What could throw her back to that? The nightmare vision began to make more sense as Kerowyn recalled the story Eldan told of Talia's capture by Ancar.

Talia closed her eyes, tears streaming out of them, softly she said "Kris..?" she sounded muddled and surprised, "Is that you? Kris, It hurts. I can't find Dirk." She paused as though listening. She said something else, but her voice had faded to an unintelligible mutter. She shook her head

:Talia!: called Kerowyn with both voice and mind. Talking to old dead friends was never a good sign.

"Herald." Healer Devan knelt beside Kerowyn and gestured for her to move over. Talia opened terrified unseeing eyes and threw a hand up shielding her face, "No..." she begged

:Kero! let her know its Devan...she knows Devan:

Kero mind sent :Herald Talia! Its Healer Devan, don't fight him":

Talia cringed as the healer put his hand on her head. She cried out then struck with a short, livid blast of the pain she was feeling

Devon pulled back quickly, His gritted teeth the only real sign he gave of feeling Talia's power, "Kerowyn, help me. She's confused and I think she's only recognizing whether people are Heralds as a way to know who to trust"

;Talia its alright, I swear.: Kerowyn held Talia's hand gently. As she did so, the strange vision returned. She realized that she was seeing what Talia was seeing. The sunlit courtyard was the same, but the gathering crowd of people were just silhouettes, unrecognizable.

Devon began to probe at Talia's shields, more cautiously this time, Kerowyn sank further into Talia's vision. She was startled to See that Talia wasn't leaning against Rolan anymore, but a tall man wearing Herald's Whites. He looked little older than Kero herself. He had prematurely white hair and beard cut close as some fighters did to avoid it getting in his way. He was holding Talia close to him and encouraging her in murmurs. Talia looked at Kerowyn. "I can't see you properly" she complained in a stronger voice "What's happening?"

:I don't know. Please let the healer in.: Whatever Devon was doing was still hurting Talia, but this time she didn't try to throw him out. She squeezed Kero's hand and leaned her head into the tall Herald's shoulder. After a long moment Talia sighed and her grip loosened, her face went slack. The tall Herald resolved into Rolan. Kero supposed Talia had been hallucinating someone. Perhaps this Kris.

Devon was saying something to Kero and looking grim. "...Healer's Collegium." he finished. He gestured to two trainee healers who had brought a litter into the little courtyard. They put it down right beside Talia. Devon got a hand under her shoulders and the trainees knelt putting their hands underneath her to support her hips, "Kerowyn, take her feet." Kero did so , "Lift on three...1..2..3. And over... 1..2..3" They laid her down on the litter and the two trainees made ready to lift it onto the cart they had brought with them

Rolan took Devon's sleeve in his teeth suddenly

:SHE STAYS WITH ME.:

Devon stared at Rolan. He opened his mouth, closed it, cleared his throat and tried again, "B-but, Rolan, where can we put the two of you?" He'd lived around Heralds long enough to know that, rarely, Companions spoke with people other than their Chosen, but it had never happened to him.

Sayvil stepped forward, :How about the foaling shed? It's clean and has a bunk in each room. You could put her there and have room to keep a healer handy. Nobody else needs it right now : Kero assumed Sayvil spoke to all the healers, judging by the looks on their faces

Devon nodded a little bemusedly. He made another one of those peremptory gestures to his trainees. They put Talia on the cart and pulled her away with Rolan pacing slowly beside them. Devon covered his discomfort by turning to another Healer and started listing supplies and potions he'd need for Talia.

Kero sagged, feeling like she had just come to the end of a short decisive battle, and she couldn't tell who won. Sayvil was there for her to lean on :Well done, Chosen:.

:What just happened?:

:I don't know.: Sayvil admitted

"Ah! Gods! What about the others?!" Kerowyn whirled and pounded back up the stairs running past the people who had come out to witness the commotion.

Now the common room was full of people. Everyone seemed to be upright and no one was wailing. This was an improvement. The Herald who had told Kero he'd take care of it apparently had. She couldn't see Darkwind or Elspeth, the Heralds in the room seemed to be those who had gotten the edges of Talia's nightmare.

"KERO!" Eldan grabbed her into a tight hug, Mindspeaking because he was weeping into her hair :Gods...I woke with a terrible feeling. I thought...Ratha told me what was happening...:

"Shh its all right" Kero's eyes were streaming too. It seemed that every Herald in the room was either openly crying or trying to swallow their tears

A few healers were moving amoung the Heralds, but there seemed to be no physical casualties. Over Eldan's shoulder she spotted Elspeth and the red haired Herald. They were standing over a soaking wet Darkwind who sat on a bench with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. She sniffed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "Come on, kechara." she whispered to Eldan, "Lets go talk to Elspeth."

"Yes" he gave a sniff himself and let go. He was wearing the clothes he had dropped by the side of the bed last night and he was barefoot. He let go of her, but held one of her hands tightly.

Darkwind saw her and Eldan first. Kerowyn was happy to see he was wide wake even if he was unwontedly pale and shaken. "Kerowyn" He croaked, Elspeth and the other Herald turned toward them.

"What happened to you?" Kerowyn asked indicating Darkwind's wet hair.

The red haired Herald said "I threw a pitcher of cold water over him."

"Neave probably prevented this room from becoming a smoking ruin." said Darkwind soberly, "Talia trapped me in her vision and I," he paused and swallowed, "Was ready to call Final Strike down on myself."

Elspeth burst into sobs. Darkwind took her hand, Neave put his arm around her from the other side.

"Thank you, Neave." said Kero sincerely, glad at last to have placed the man. He was a special courier, seldom at the Palace for more than a few weeks at a time. He only ever stayed at the Palace long enough to be reassigned, it seemed.

Neave blushed "Kyldathar thought it was a good idea...she said that something physical would break him out of the vision"

"You came out of it pretty quickly." Kerowyn said quietly "Do you know why? If Talia does this again, it might be important."

Neave smiled grimly "Kyldathar's been waking me out of nightmares since I was Chosen."

"How's Talia?" Elspeth choked out, finally getting the better of her sobs.

"I don't know." said Kerowyn honestly.

Darkwind was starting to shiver, "Let's get Darkwind up to our rooms." said Elspeth thickly, she'd pulled a handkerchief out of a pocket and was mopping her eyes. "Will you three come with us? I imagine the healers won't let us anywhere near her today anyway. Have they taken her to her rooms or to the Healer's Collegium?"

"They took her to the Companion's foaling shed"

"I'm sorry?" Elspeth stared at Kero, then looked back at Darkwind who was clutching at the blanket around his shoulders "Tell us on the way. Darkwind needs to get warm"

"Darkwind needs to sleep for a week." said Darkwind wearily.


	2. Chapter 2

Elspeth put Darkwind to bed after helping him get dry. He was asleep before she even covered him up. Vree was perched on the headboard—the old bird was still shivering with reaction. When Talia had struck Darkwind with her Gift, Vree had fled to the rafters. Only coming down after repeated coaxing.

She walked back out into her sitting room, leaving the door half open. She sat down next to Neave on the couch. Kero and Eldan were leaning against each on the window seat. "What I don't understand," said Eldan slowly "Is what made Talia lose control of her Gift Like that?"

Neave stirred, "What makes you think she lost control?" he said softly.

"What else could it be?" asked Eldan

Neave looked at the floor.

Elspeth took deep breath, "She was back in Ancar's cell. She was trapped in her nightmare and Rolan couldn't reach her. She thought that Darkwind was one of Ancar's mages." Elspeth's voice shook, "Sh-she did to him what she'd wanted to do to them, but couldn't. She turned it all on him."

"How do you know that?" asked Eldan

Elspeth leaned over and put her head in her hands, remembering those days from the beginning of the war with Ancar. Neave put his arm around her shoulder again. "Eldan, you were on the border with Selenay," said Neave, "And you remember how Elspeth was sent back to look after things here?"

"Yes."

"You know how badly off Talia was—she needed someone with her all the time." Neave continued "With so many healers away, they had some of the Trainees take it turn and about to look after her. I'd just come home from my internship so I was pressed into 'Talia watch' as well"

"I'm not sure I've heard this story before." said Kerowyn "I knew she was bad, but I never wanted to ask."

Elspeth hated the remembering, "She couldn't walk, they'd completely crushed her feet." she said lifting her head, "She had more bones broken than anyone had a right to have and live. The healers said that her internal injuries were...bad." Elspeth swallowed, "They weren't sure she'd ever be able to bear children."

"Ah." said Kerowyn said, understanding.

Neave sighed, "Elspeth and I were looking after her one night. The healers said that it would be better if people she knew well were with her at night." Kerowyn looked at him quizzically "She was a year ahead of me in the Collegium." Neave answered her unspoken question

"Where was Dirk during this time?" Asked Kerowyn

Neave sighed, "Skif took him home to see his family. Talia needed some time. The mind healers thought it would help. They'd only just discovered their lifebond—they were both fragile."

"Anyway," Neave went on "We were watching her one night and she had that same nightmare. She thought she was being attacked. Struck at us. Rolan woke her up and our own Companions pulled us out. She never realized what she'd done and I didn't like to tell her"

The way Neave told it was so simple, thought Elspeth, leaving what happened between them out of it.

"Some of the Skybolts have nightmares like that." said Kero "Its more complicated with the Gifted, I guess."

There was a knock at the door, "Come in" called Elspeth. Selenay opened the door, and stood there looking a little lost, "Mother!" Elspeth jumped up and ran to her. Selenay was as white as her Companion. "Has something else happened?"

"No." Selenay put her arms around her oldest child and hugged her hard, "I was out in the Field when it...happened."

"Yes," said Elspeth "Gwena told me. She said you were going to talk to the healers"

"I did" Selenay took the place on the couch Neave offered her. He grabbed the desk chair and pulled it over for himself. Elspeth sat down next to Selenay.

"They said she had some kind of brainstorm, but thats all they could tell me. They were calling in some specialized healers from the Collegium." Selenay told them. "Devan is still with her, but he says he'd like to talk whoever witnessed her fit when he's finished"

"Well, we're here," said Elspeth

"How are they coping with the, ah, arrangements?" asked Eldan

Selenay smiled a little "Oh, it put their Greens in a twist. The younger healers were going on about having to Heal in a stable—when they thought I couldn't hear, of course. Devan agreed to it and he's got charge of her case so there wasn't much problem."

Elspeth leaned her head against Selenay. Everyone was quiet for a long time, wrapped in their own thoughts. Elspeth reached out to Gwena :Can you tell what's happening?:

:No: Gwena replied, :But Sayvil's gone to help Rolan. :

"I'm very glad this happened now, while the trainees are away." said Elspeth after another long silence. Everyone else made murmurs of assent.

The morning wore into afternoon. Elspeth's maid came to see if they wanted any food at luncheon. She'd been crying too, Elspeth noted. "Mardi," said Elspeth to the older woman, suddenly feeling very affectionate towards her "Do you remember the first time you met Herald Talia?"

"Yes, milady Herald."

"You swatted me with a hair brush." Elspeth held her hand out to Mardi, who took it. "I don't think I ever thanked you for that."

Mardi smiled crookedly, "You're welcome, milady"

"Would you bring us something cold? And some wine, if you please?"

The wine and food was brought and cups were filled. No one spoke very much that long afternoon. They picked at the food, but more for something to do than out of hunger.

Just before dinnertime, Darkwind emerged from the bedroom with Vree hidden in his hair. "Any news?" he asked. He sat on the floor next to Elspeth and put his head against her knee. Vree he coaxed out of his hair onto his lap.

They shook their heads as one. Selenay had been sitting staring out the window for the last hour, "I've always blamed myself for...what happened." she said softly.

Elspeth opened her mouth to disagree, but Neave beat her to it, "So have I." he said.

'How do you figure that?" asked Eldan,

"I'm from Hardorn, remember? I was Chosen two years after Ancar came of age. And the stories about his escapades even before he came of age were pretty dire."

"Oh, but Neave," said Selenay, "It was just rumors then."

"No, Highness. Not to me, they weren't." he rasped. He stood up as though he couldn't bear to keep still anymore. He turned away from the group, "Before I was Chosen, I was raised in a brothel half a day from the border by horse. Ancar and his cronies didn't want his antics to get back to Alessandar, so they must have visited every cathouse on the border that first year. When he got done with the girls, they usually weren't pretty. And some of his crew had a taste for boys."

Selenay gaped, Eldan and Kerowyn winced. Elspeth couldn't see Darkwind's face, but heard a small intake of breath. Neave continued without turning around. "When you announced that you were considering Ancar's suit, I thought of coming to the Dean with what I'd heard and seen. But I told myself that Elspeth was highborn and that made it different. I have regretted it ever since."

Elspeth knew all of this. He'd told her this when she'd been struggling with her own guilt.

"But, the truth is, the blame lies solely with Ancar. And I believe that Talia will tell you that herself." He walked to the sideboard to refill his wine glass, "I don't think any of us came out of that war without scars."

Someone knocked, Elspeth jumped up to answer it. She opened the door to a young woman in Healer's Greens. "Herald Elspeth? Healer Devan said the Queen would be waiting with you."

Selenay stood, smoothing her skirts "I'm here." she had put on her serene "audience chamber face" by the time she reached the door. "Do you have a message from Devan?"

"Yes, Highness" the healer bobbed a nervous little curtsy towards her "Herald Talia is awake and asking for you and Herald Elspeth. "

"She's talking?" asked Elspeth, her stomach gave a nervous lurch

"Yes, Herald. Devan said that Her Highness and you should both come and see her now."

"Is she...is she -- all right?"

"I haven't seen her myself, Herald."

Elspeth turned towards Darkwind, he was still sitting down next to the couch :I'll be fine bright feather. You go and let us know how she is:


	3. Chapter 3

Talia woke that morning with a headache behind her right eye. Not bad, but nagging, Her head felt odd and cobwebby. Perhaps she needed more sleep. Selanay had been chiding her about overwork again. Even in peacetime, they never ran out of tasks it seemed. There were audiences to attend and meetings to call.

For a moment she couldn't remember what she was supposed to be doing today. It seemed very much later than she normally woke up. The light in the room seemed almost noon bright. But if she was supposed to be somewhere, someone would have been banging on her door.

It was all right, today was the beginning of the Midwinter...no, the Midsummer Holiday. Talia had told her maid she'd eat in the common room this morning, so she wouldn't feel like she had to bring up anything. She'd also told her girl to take a rest day and not even bother to come up to tidy. After all these years, she'd never gotten used to servants picking up after her.

Rolan touched her with a note of concern, projecting the image of a Healer into her mind. She shrugged and sent back an image of herself relaxing. The whole Collegium was off on Midsummer Holiday and for the next week, Selanay had no Council meetings or Court Functions for Talia to attend.

Dirk and Teren had taken senior trainee Heralds to the Midsummer Festival in Sunhame in Karse. They had left ten days ago and it would be another month before he returned. She had gone in other years, but this year it just didn't work out. She told Dirk she never minded him leaving because the homecomings were so delightful. Her son Jemmy was also gone this summer, to the Court of Rethwellan with Prince Consort Darren and Selenay's twins.

Elspeth had asked if she had wanted to meet for breakfast. Talia dressed and headed down the stairs. On the way to the common room, her nagging headache was becoming a throbbing one. She thought she'd better find some headache tea in the kitchens. She was having curiously difficult time thinking—as if she'd drunk too much wine the night before.

She stumbled walking through the door. A Herald caught her elbow, he said something she didn't catch and she smiled her gratitude. Rolan Felt alarmed in the back of her mind, but she wasn't sure she understood why.

She saw Elspeth and Darkwind sitting together at the table. For an odd second she found herself unable to recognize the white haired, blue-eyed woman sitting with the equally white haired man. For just a moment she had no idea who she was looking at. "Talia!" said Elspeth "what's wrong?" The moment passed and Tallia slid in beside her. "You look a little dazed this morning."

Talia shrugged, "Your Lady-mother says I work too hard. Truthfully, I have a headache."

"Should I get you some tea?" offered Darkwind

"With a lot of honey," said Elspeth

"I imagine that would help some." said Talia, closing her eyes against the suddenly too-bright light.

After what seemed much too short a time, Darkwind reappeared with tea and a plate of food. It was as if Darkwind had just performed a conjuring trick. "That was quick" she muttered confused, opening her eyes. "Thank you."

There were more alarm feelings from Rolan, but no images accompanied them, Talia couldn't understand what could be upsetting him. Her left hand began to feel odd, as if she'd been sleeping on it . She shook it a little to bring some feeling back into it. It felt as if it wasn't even hers. She decided that she could try and eat at least, but the very idea of food seemed to have lost its appeal.

The light seemed too bright again and she closed her eyes.

After a minute somebody sat down across from her, she opened her eyes to see a blond woman she felt she should know. "Are you all right?" the blond woman asked.

Talia nodded. There was a white haired woman sitting beside her that Talia was certain she _did _know, who asked, "Talia, love, perhaps you should go see a healer? You don't look well."

Rolan's feelings of alarm were fading away now, as if he were moving beyond the distance at which she could Feel him. She wished these people who were talking to her would hush so she could make sense of what Rolan was trying to tell her.

"I'm all right!" she snapped "Just leave me alone for a minute"

Her headache suddenly spiked intolerably and the light in the room burst behind her eyes. "ROLAN!" she screamed at the top of her voice and mind. Then, Rolan was—just gone. The place where he had been in her mind was burning with horrible pain.

Her whole body hurt dreadfully. She was somewhere dark. Rolan was beyond reach. She tried to understand where she was and what was happening. She couldn't Feel anything or anyone beyond her shields.

Blocked then.

Memory started to fill itself in...Mages were blocking her Gift. Ancar had captured her, killed his own father, killed Kris. She was dying. She'd sent Selenay the broken arrow to warn her not to come into Hardorn. She would die here alone. The argonal she'd just drank would make sure of it...

A sneaky tendril of thought floated into her mind, It scraped over raw places like salt in a wound. A mage was trying to get at her again. If he was trying that, his shields might be weakened. She could at least get that much revenge. With all the strength she could muster she turned every scrap of pain and fear and anger and grief back into his face.

She fell back, spent. She couldn't feel the surface she lay on. For a long time, it seemed, she lay in the dark. She wished she could see Dirk again.

A luminous door opened in the wall. Talia cringed away from the light only expecting Ancar or his guards. A figure stood there peering into the dark corners. She realized, with a leap of her heart, it was a man dressed in Herald's Whites.

"Herald Talia?" He called

"Here." she gasped, weakly

He saw her then, and gathered her up, gently. Some of the burning in her head eased. Oddly, they walked directly into a sunlit courtyard without passing through the rest of the building. The Herald was a tall man with white hair and beard. She didn't know his face, but there was something irresistibly familiar about him, "Its all right now, little sister, I've come to take you home." He said softly.

Her chest was burning, like there wasn't enough air, then the feeling passed. The Herald was sitting so that Talia was propped up against him. "Herald?" she said breathlessly, she cried out as a small movement sent a wave of pain over her "But I sent a broken arrow..."

She realized suddenly that they were not alone. Ominous shapes were gathering around them. She began to ready herself to defend them both. "No little sister," the tall Herald said, "there's no one here who'll hurt you".

Someone sat down in front of her. "Talia? Herald Talia?" asked a woman's voice. The woman came into better view A strong jawed broad shouldered blond in Whites. Standing up beside her, another Herald, a woman with iron gray hair bound into a tail and a beak of a nose.

Talia's shoulder started bleeding again. "Who's there?" she whispered, clutching at the wound.

The blond woman replied "It's Herald Kerowyn"

Talia reached out her bloody hand and touched Kerowyn's hand and the other woman's leg to reassure herself that the rescue was not some fantasy concocted by fever and drug dreams. She clutched at Kerowyn's hands with both of hers, her vision swimming now. Kerowyn's Whites changed color strangely. "Selenay...you've got to tell Selenay. Orthallen's a traitor. Ancar...killed Kris."

"Shh...Talia, its all right. Ancar's dead"

Talia fell back in relief. Her head was throbbing again

"Little Bird?" someone said softly in her ear

"Kris? Is that you?" She turned to the voice. It was Kris. He smiled down at her as he knelt on the other side of her from the tall Herald.

"I'm sorry, m'lord" Kris said to the other man, then to Talia, "We'll come for you soon, Talia Not now, but soon."

Talia didn't understand, but the tall Herald looked anguished. And the pain in her head precluded thinking "Kris? It hurts," she wept. "I can't find Dirk." It was true, the place where she usually felt him was cold and empty. "Tell him I need him, here."

Kris seemed to look at the tall Herald for permission, but it was the gray haired woman standing near Kerowyn, who snapped "Go on then, boy. I should think she's earned a few favors."

Kris stooped and kissed Talia's forehead. "I'll tell him, Little Bird"

"Talia!" called the blond woman.

A dark, forbidding figure appeared beside the Herald. Talia cringed in sudden fear, the thing reached a claw towards her and Talia threw up a hand to ward it off "No!" she cried.

The Herald called out to her, but Talia couldn't understand the words.

The thing put its hand to her forehead and sharp pain ran down her spine. Frantically, she turned the pain back on the thing.

It pulled back from her. Then Kerowyn took her hand again, "Talia, its all right, I swear." The tall Herald beside her murmured the same. The figure in front of her sharpened and blurred making her want to vomit. "Its Devan," said the tall Herald, "He's trying to find out what's wrong." he said quietly

"I can't see you properly." she told Kerowyn—Kerowyn's Whites kept changing color, "What's happening?"

The sharp pain in Talia's head redoubled and reached down her spine again. She gasped.

"I don't know, Please let the healer in." said Kerowyn

Talia didn't have any fight left anymore. She turned her face into the tall Herald's shoulder and squeezed Kerowyn's hand. After a moment she remembered that she knew Devan, after another she felt the soft healing trance stealing over her. She let it pull her into sleep.

She was just awake enough to realize that someone was moving her. She was being lifted up and her head started to burn again. She began to try to struggle out of the trance.

The tall Herald was beside her again.

"She stays with me." he told the healers. The burning in her head quieted and she felt herself drifting off again.


	4. Chapter 4

The sun rose on a sleepy camp full of Herald-trainees. Fires were started and water was heated with practiced ease, after ten days one the road. Another two days would find them in the Karsite capital. Dirk still marveled, every time they did this. The trip for Senior trainees had been suggested as a cultural exchange and had blossomed into a much loved tradition. Best of all, most of this batch were too young to really remember a time when "nothing came from Karse but brigands and bad weather".

"Look alive trainees!" yelled Herald Teren, making his way around the group "We need to be in the saddle in a candlemark!"

It was Dirk's turn to cook breakfast for himself and Teren, they were never able to decide which was more onerous, camp chores or rousting up sleepy youngsters.

His Companion, Arhodie was already was deep into her breakfast--The lush grass on the hillside. :How are you this morning, my sweet?: he asked her.

:I like this trip: she said :Remember last year when it rained every day?:

He agreed, last year had been wet and chilly to boot.

He poured some hot water from the kettle into two tea cups. He had just found the tea he wanted when he had a sudden, horrible vertigo. He shut his eyes as what little he had in his stomach threatened to reappear.

;Chosen?:

"I'm all right" he said aloud. It was true, the sensation was passing. He opened his eyes slowly and it was gone. He went back to what he was doing, but with a growing unease. He wasn't sure now that food was a good idea, perhaps he'd just have tea and see what he felt like when they had the first halt of the day.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Teren sit down on the rock near their fire. "There'll be porridge in a minute." Dirk said, not looking up from his task .

"No thank you, I can't stay" said a voice that was _not_ Teren's

Dirk froze—it could not be who it sounded like. It was early, and he didn't know all the trainees well. It was quite possible that the white uniform he'd seen out of the corner of his eye was gray. It was likely that one of the boys' recently deepened voices had settled into a range that made it sound so eerily familiar. He took a deep breathe and looked up, knowing that he was not going to be looking at...

"Kris." he breathed, for it was him, Sitting in the sunlight on the rock, looking no older than the day he died.

"Ahrodie?" he asked aloud "Do you see him too?"

:Yes, Chosen.: she said quietly, astonished.

"Dirk, I'm sorry to startle you, but I'm afraid there was no way around it." said Kris, seriously.

"You need to get home to Talia."

Dirks heart contracted, "What?"

"She's ill. She needs you. I promised her I'd tell you". Kris leaned forward, holding a out a small object. Dirk extended his palm and Kris dropped a ring into his hand. It was Talia's ring. The one she wore next to her wedding ring. The ring that Kris had given her so many years ago.

Dirk stared at the ring for a moment. When he looked up, Kris was gone. He closed his hand on the ring and shoved it into his pocket. "You saw that?" he asked Ahrodie again.

:Yes, Chosen.:

Dirk started repacking up his saddle bags, dumping every piece of extra weight out.

"Can you try to reach Rolan from here?"

Ahrodie stood still for a moment, :No, he's not answering.:

"Right"

:Get more of those honey bars out of Teren's pack. We'll need them: Ahrodie advised him. She was dancing impatiently in place. :Take a bed roll and a cloak:

Dirk was grateful it was summer, they wouldn't need any feed for Arhodie and could spare the weight. They could both subsist on the honey bars and the dried food stored at way stations between the border and the capital.

"I know, I know. How fast do you think we can make Haven?" He was snatching up Arhodie's tack and buckling it to her. No one seemed to notice his little burst of activity, for which he was grateful. He didn't want to have awkward conversations.

:Four days, maybe three:

Dirk continued to buckle and tie things together.

"Right. Can you tell Teren where we're going? If I have to explain, I'll get myself tied up and turned over to the mind healers. If that's what I need, they can do it in Haven."

:If you need it, so do I:

Dirk attached the bags to the saddle and quickly got everything into satisfactory order. :I've told Wyrtha: That was Teren's Companion, :I told her we received a message—They didn't ask who from. I think they're assuming Rolan, so I didn't mention Kris.: said Ahrodie

Dirk climbed into her saddle, "Probably best. Let's go."

Talia lay somewhere soft, half asleep, listening to voices talk over her head. She felt like a little in her father's holding, falling asleep in her sister's lap and listening to the gossip of the wives.

"How is she now?" asked a woman's voice.

"Gods, I don't know. The healers seem satisfied, for now." That was the voice of the tall Herald she'd seen earlier.

"How are you?" The woman again.

"I feel terrible." said the man.

"Why don't you sleep, old friend? You'll wake if anything changes."

Talia puzzled about the voices for a bit, but it didn't seem that important. Someone was calling her.

She opened her eyes to late afternoon sunlight. Devan was sitting beside her looking drawn.

"Devan..?" she whispered.

He smiled a little, relieved "Can you tell me your name?"

"Yes...Talia."

"Who rules this realm?"

"Selenay."

Devan's face grew less tight as she answered. Talia wondered if she'd hit her head, for him to be asking her these questions. She did feel unwell, shaky and head achy.

"Do you know where you are?"

She looked around, she was startled to see that rather than the House of Healing or her own room, she was in one of the rooms in the foaling shed. Well, the shed wasn't so much a shed as a small barn divided into five rooms that were arranged for the comfort of a foaling Companion and her Herald. Each corner room had a glazed window for light and air and a Companion sized door in the wall. There was a bunk of the same type found in Herald's way stations and room for the Companion to lie down and be near her Herald. There was a cast iron stove in the room at the center of the structure that could be used for cooking and heating during the winter. The design of the stove had been brought back from Rethwellan, to the delight of the artificers.

"Uuuuh...the foaling shed?"

Just then, the Companion door swung open as Rolan gave it a tired shove with his nose. His eyes brightened as he saw Talia sitting up on her elbows.

She felt a pulse of love and anxiety as he stepped around Devan and folded himself onto the heap of straw with his nose resting on her pillow. He closed his eyes and was asleep in a second.

He was exhausted, she realized with dismay.

She turned to Devan, "What's happened?"

"What's the last thing you remember?" Asked Devan. He was relieved that so far, Talia seemed oriented and perhaps none the worse for the ordeal. He had very grave news to deliver, and he wanted her to be able to understand what he was saying.

"I had a nightmare." She said slowly, "Well, The Nightmare." Devan would know what she meant. She had had The Nightmare pretty regularly once, perhaps twice a year, and had on occasion confided it to him.

"It was different this time, though. I couldn't find Rolan and I couldn't get out of it. And then Kero got mixed up in it somehow...", she trailed off uncertainly

Devan drew a long breath "Do you remember Darkwind trying to reach you?"

"Darkwind?" Talia said surprised, "No, there was a mage in my dream...Oh." She turned large eyes on Devan, "Did I hurt him?"

"No, I don't think so. But, you remember that much?"

"Yes." she waited

Devan shifted uncomfortably, "You've been unconscious most of the day. We brought you here because Rolan wouldn't let you go anywhere else. It turns out that was a wise idea."

"Because...?" Talia didn't like the way the normally forthright healer was hesitating.

He looked at her bleakly, "There's been some damage to your brain and it affected your Companion Bond—I'm not sure how far your range is, but it may not be more than 100 yards." There was more, Talia knew, but Devan wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

"I see." Talia reached out and touched Rolan's head, "Dirk's gone isn't he?" she said shakily, Devan nodded. "Is-is Selanay available? And Elspeth? I think I'd like to speak with them."

Devan walked to the inner door and spoke to someone waiting there. Talia turn over onto her side and put her face close to Rolan's. She closed her eyes, waiting.

She thought she might have dozed off, because, in a very short time, she heard Selanay and Elspeth greeting Devan. She sat up in bed. Elspeth and Selanay both looked taut and frightened, "How's Darkwind?" asked Talia anxiously.

Elspeth smiled in relief at Talia's words. She had been terrified of what she would find. "He's fine. You gave him a headache and he slept all day. He says it will teach him better manners in future."

Selanay sat down next to Talia and hugged her very hard. Talia could feel Selenay shaking with tears.

Devan had three chairs dragged into the room so that they all could sit more comfortably. "Elspeth?" he asked, "Could you tell me exactly what Darkwind was trying to do?"

That had been the first thing Elspeth had demanded of Darkwind as soon as he could speak, "He'd been trying to prevent her from having another fit. Apparently, fitting sickness is pretty common among Taleydras. Its because of the mage gift, their healers think. Darkwind was afraid she'd stop breathing if she had another.".

Devan looked thoughtful, "I'd hoped it was something like that. Do you think Darkwind could ask one of his people's healers to come and look at Talia?"

"Of course!" said Elspeth, "but what's happening?"

"I'd really prefer if Dirk were here..." said Devan

"Healer." said Selenay harshly "Dirk is several days away and we cannot wait that long. What is wrong? You told me she'd had bleeding in her brain—what can be worse?"

Talia noticed that Rolan had picked up his head and was looking hard at Devan.

Devan closed his eyes, "She had bleeding in her brain, but we were able to stop that. The _reason_ for the bleeding is another matter." he opened his eyes and looked at Talia, "There is tissue in your brain that is growing where it should not. It made the blood vessels weak. Now that we know its there, we can slow its growth, but unless Darkwind's people have something we don't know about..."

"How long, Devan?" said Talia in a low voice.

"Perhaps a year, with luck. "


	5. Chapter 5

The evening turned cool as Devan further explained to Talia, Selenay and Elspeth what he knew and what he speculated about Talia's illness. Selenay questioned Devan about whom he had consulted thus far. There were Empire trained healers from Hardorn in residence at the the Collegium. They had suggested a technique of slowing down the growth of tissue that could help. Some of the Karsite healers had said that if it were anywhere but the brain, they'd try to cut out the mass. "But in the brain," Devan explained "You're likely to destroy the person even if you save the body."

"Let's not make a public announcement about this, yet", Talia asked Selenay, "We can tell the Court and Circle that I had a brainstorm, but that I am recovering."

Elspeth was being very quiet. She was watching Rolan who had woken to listen to Devan's explanation. He looked back at Elspeth and shook his head very slightly, then closed his eyes in what appeared to be pain. Elspeth reached for Gwena, who sent back a wordless pulse of love.

"I'd really like a Herald posted out here, as well as a healer." Said Devan "I don't think your likely to take another fit at the moment, but its possible." he told Talia.

"All right," said Selanay, "I don't think that's a problem. I think Keren was planning on lurking all night out here anyway. She'll be happy to do it legitimately"

"I also wanted to ask both of you" Talia said taking a long breath, "Would it be all right if Elspeth took my place as acting Queen's Own? Just until I get better or—or Rolan Chooses someone."

Elspeth was taken aback but said, "Of course, what do you think, mother?"

Selanay nodded "Yes, that would solve a number of problems for the moment." she looked hard at Talia "But only until you are better".

Talia winced, "Devan..? The headache's worse again."

Devan stood and walked into the inner room returning with a potion, "Its strong," he said "But drink the whole thing."

Talia gulped it down quickly. Selanay stood up, "I'll have Keren come in and look after you tonight. She was to try to contact Teren at sunset—she should be finished now." Teren and Keren were twins, their bond made mind speaking over distance much easier. They regularly made contact every night while Teren was on the road. "I asked her to recall Dirk."

"Thank you, Selenay." Talia looked grateful.

Elspeth leaned forward to hug Talia, "I'll come back in the morning."

Selenay opened the outer door. As she expected, Keren sat outside with her Companion Dantris. She was sitting cross legged with her back against Dantris' reclining bulk in the deep blue night.

Selenay beckoned Keren over. "How is she?" asked Keren standing up.

"She's all right, for now. Did you contact Teren?"

"Yes. But, as it turns out, we didn't need to recall Dirk. He and Ahrodie took off this morning like nothing Teren's ever seen. Ahrodie said they'd gotten a message before they ran out of there—I can only suppose that Rolan somehow got through to Ahrodie when all this started"

"Oh, thank the gods for that." said Selenay fervently, "That gives him a whole day's more distance covered."

Elspeth came outside to stand with her mother "I almost wished he hadn't. If we knew exactly where he was, perhaps I could Gate..."

Selenay looked at her sharply "Absolutely not. Not unless the whole realm's at risk. I know how much you have to take out of yourself to build one of those things. And, as Darkwind has pointed out to the Council, any number of times, it may be a hundred years before the magic runs like rivers around here again. I won't risk you too." she took Elspeth's hand in her own and squeezed it. "Dirk will be here soon enough. I'll send messages off to Darren and the children in the morning." she paused--"Oh...I've been keeping in touch with Darren through Rolan and Darren's Jasan..." all three of them looked back into the shed at the sleeping Rolan.

"It's all right, mother." said Elspeth understanding "Gwena's range is almost as far—When was Jasan expecting to be contacted?" It was so much easier to contact a mindspeaker. human or Companion, when they were expecting to be contacted.

"First light. Have Gwena give them the bare bones and ask that they all come home. Have her explain, though that we don't want it public—Darren needs to make a graceful excuse for them all to return, not just Jemmy." Selenay squeezed Elspeth's hand again, "Can we meet in the morning? For breakfast, after my morning ride?"

"Yes." said Elspeth returning the squeeze "Good night, Mama, Keren."

Dirk and Ahrodie had only paused their breakneck ride three times so far. Each time just long enough Ahrodie to drink her fill and take a needed break. Neither one wanted to stop at all, but it would serve no one to arrive at Haven in a state of total collapse. The sun had set a good candlemark ago and the last of the summer twilight had faded. "Ahrodie?" said Dirk over the sound of her hooves, "Any thoughts on where to stop for the night?"

:How about _not_.:

That was so tempting, but good sense prevailed. :How about we get a few candlemarks in the lee of a haystack, at least?:

:Yes, you're right.: she slowed to a trot, :it's warm, so anywhere that's dry will do.: They were in the Karsite woodland near the border. Ahrodie walked to the side of the road, :this looks as good as anything: she said indicating a nice flat spot between two trees.

Dirk stripped off her tack and gave her a cursory rubdown, :Don't worry about it, Chosen,: she said and she lay down on the spot she'd picked. Dirk fished his cloak out of his bag and wrapped himself in it,then he lay down with his head pillowed on Ahrodie's flank. They were both asleep within four breaths.

It was at least a candlemark until dawn when Dirk woke up. Ahrodie woke up at almost the same time. She scrambled to her feet. He looked at her with haunted eyes "Are we doing the right thing?" he asked her

:Yes, Chosen.: Ahrodie reassured him

Dirk ate standing and Ahrodie filled herself with grass without speaking. They had fallen into the mode where nothing else mattered but finishing their self imposed mission. Ahrodie tried to reach Rolan again, but no luck. Dirk put her tack back on and they were off again.

Halfway through the morning, they reached the border. There was a Guard station at the border with a signal tower.

"Let's find out if I'm going to have a long 'rest' at the healers" said Dirk. He kept feeling the ring in his pocket for reassurance that the vision or whatever had been real. They slowed to a stop as one of the border Guards came to greet them.

"Herald Dirk?" the Guard said gruffly

"Yes?"

"Message for you this morning. Hold here" the Guard went back into the building to retrieve it.

:I hope it's not 'tie him up': Dirk sent to Ahrodie tensely,

The Guard came back with a slate he handed to Dirk, "Sorry to hear about your wife, milord." he said, surprising Dirk almost out of the saddle.

Written on the slate, in the stilted sentences the signal tower codes required was "Herald Dirk: Queen's Own with healer's. Stable. Out of danger. Continue to Haven. Gwena. Details. Noon. Sunset"

The last indicated that Gwena would try to contact Ahrodie at noon and sunset. Not for the first time, Dirk wished his mindspeech Gift were as strong as his Fetching. Or that his Fetching was strong enough to Fetch himself to Haven.

:Gwena? Not Rolan?: Arhodie asked worriedly.

Dirk handed the slate back to the Guard, thanking him.

"Milord Herald?" the Guardsman said "I'm thinking you ought to have a meal while you're here, sir."

:I think he's right: said Ahrodie, :Why don't we stop here for a candlmark till I get through to Gwena? We'll both be better for the stop"

Dirk agreed and got out of the saddle. A stable boy came to lead Ahrodie away for some food herself. Dirk found himself starving—The only thing he'd had to eat yesterday was honeybars.

The fare was simple and substantial, which was all he really wanted right now. He ate without tasting most of it. The guardsman didn't bother to try to talk to him, for which he was grateful.

He went out to the stables when he was done. Ahrodie had been rubbed down properly and fed. She stood in deep trance. Dirk paced as he waited, not being able to keep still. The sun was westering a little when she came out of it.

:She _is_ ill.: said Ahrodie coming out of it. :And its serious: Ahrodie gave him the description of events that Gwena had given to her.

:They want us back as soon as may be: she finished.

:Gods...So we really did see Kris.: said Dirk a little awestruck.

:Chosen, you might be capable of imagining such a thing for yourself, but never for me: She said matter-of-factly, :If it had been sunstroke I would have knocked you into a river myself.:

The only thing to do now was ride.

An unladen Companion could cover a lot of ground. After three days on the road, Del was almost to the Karsite border. The heart tug of Choosing led him on.

Andrean carried his mother's basket for her as they walked to the peddler's. She had butter and eggs to trade and needed sewing things. They walked silently together, enjoying one another's company. He was just a finger length taller than her, with hazel eyes and curly brown hair, barefoot in the summer sunshine. They were both dressed in sober colors as was the habit of their people. He in black breeches and brown shirt and she in black dress and white apron.

They were quite close, he was her youngest living and last child and his father was years dead. His eldest brother held the steading and Andrean and his mother subsisted on little more than his brother's charity.

Andrean knew his mother worried about his future. He knew she worried that he might run off to join the Guard, like his brother Erec. He knew that he was very likely to leave the steading, but he wasn't sure that the Guard was for him. He wanted to see so much of the world—all there was of it.

"Mother?" Andrean said, stopping abruptly, "Do you hear that?" with growing excitement he thought he heard bridle bells. He'd seen Heralds on this road before, it was the main trade road between Karse and Valdemar. He loved to admire them as they went by. Once when he was by himself, a Herald had stopped to talk to him.

Around the corner of the road a Companion cantered. He carried no Herald in his saddle and Andrean's heart jumped into his mouth. He knew that this meant the Companion was searching for a someone to Choose.

The Companion came to a stop in front of Andrean.

Brown eyes stared into blue :Hello little brother: said the Companion's voice in Andrean's mind :I Choose you:. Andrean sank into the bright blue eyes, understanding that he would never be alone again

"You're taking my boy away." said the woman, softly. "Aren't you?"

Andrean gasped and turned to her "Mother..?"

She looked so much older than she had at the beginning of their walk. A curly strand escaped from her pinned up hair. Her mouth was turned down and she looked at the Companion. "You can still carry my basket to the peddler's" she said flatly.

"Well, come on," the woman turned and started walking away. She may have been brushing tears from her eyes. "Haven's a powerful long way and I won't have you leaving empty handed."


	6. Chapter 6

The shadows were long when Ahrodie said to Dirk, :I think we should stop soon. Gwena will try to contact me at sunset.:

:Inn or way station?: asked Dirk, :And...where are we anyway?: Dirk had spent most of the day in 'Herald trance', a state where the rider opens his link between himself and his Companion so much that they might as well have been one creature. Leagues could slip by without the Herald noticing or thinking. Ahrodie could draw on Dirks energy as well as her own. The result was that Dirk was just as tired as Ahrodie.

:Between Cordor and Sweet Springs.: Ahrodie replied. :There's a way station not far ahead. I'm not much enthused about an inn right now.: Ahrodie did not always appreciate being fussed over. Or sleeping with horses.

:All right then.: Dirk said :Let's make for that:

:Oh. Companion Del is there. He's got a newly Chosen: said Ahrodie.

Dirk sighed :Will we get in each other's way?:

:No, his Chosen is not having difficulties.: Ahrodie paused :He says that, if we have an urgent errand, his Chosen would be happy to make dinner for us—that's kind.:

Dirk smiled, in spite of himself. :Goddess bless newly Chosen farmer children.: he knew that some of the highborn children wouldn't think of extending hospitality. Or rather they would, but wouldn't necessarily know how to do it. :Is Del's Chosen boy or girl?:

Ahrodie cocked an ear :Boy. Why do you ask?:

:Because, that way station is the one with the pond, and I'd like to have a swim. I'm filthy.:

It was half a candlemark before sunset when they left the road and came upon the station. Companion Del stood outside looking very pleased with himself. A fire burned in the firepit. Dirk swung out of the saddle and and started stripping off Ahrodie's tack. After a few minutes, he heard the sound of the door of the station opening and closing.

"Milord Herald?" said a soft voice behind him. "Del says you've come a long way...I'd be happy to do that."

"Thanks, lad. But I'm about done now." Dirk replied turning to look at Del's Chosen

The boy was shorter than he was. About fifteen, dressed in Holderkin colors, with curly hair and hazel eyes. He had a heart shaped face and a shy smile. He looked up at Dirk quickly and then away. "I've got some meat pies from the peddlers I'd be happy to share, sir."

"That would be much appreciated, in a bit." smiled Dirk "But we're going out back for a swim in the pond right now. Its been a long ride."

"Yessir. " said the boy.

Dirk and Ahrodie went to the back of the way station. He to swim, she to trance down to where she could contact Gwena.

Dirk stripped off to the skin. He stepped into the cold water and used the soap he grabbed from his saddle bags to scrub himself off. .

He found that as long as he was in motion, he could stop his mind from whirling. Now that he was still, the fears he'd been keeping at bay came to the fore. He swam to the other end of the pond and back. Hoping that when he got back, Ahrodie would be done conferring with Gwena. No such luck.

He stepped out of the pond and used his shirt to dry off. He did have another shirt in his bedroll. He washed the now damp shirt off in the pond and put it over a bush to dry. Ahrodie was still entranced.

He was dressed in his breeches and was putting on his boots when Ahrodie came out of it. "Well?" he asked anxiously.

:Selenay has announced to the Court tonight that Talia had a brainstorm. Well, the whole kingdom knows that she's ill, even with half the courtiers gone from the Palace. The fit she had was rather public, I gather. She's also announced that Talia's recovering.:

"All right—so what are the healers really saying?" asked Dirk, he'd had some time to process what he'd heard this morning, but Gwena's descriptions had been confusing as she'd tried to convey what the healers had said. She'd said that Talia had had some sort of fit and that something had damaged Talia's brain, interfering with her Gifts.

:I tried to get more from Gwena, but she didn't understand half of what the healer's were saying. She's very frightened and says that Elspeth is too:

That was almost enough to make Dirk want to throw Ahrodie's saddle on her back right then. He took a long calming breath, "But she's not in any immediate danger?"

:So the healers say. They say they need you there to help make some decisions regarding her treatment.:

"What does that mean? What decisions?" He started pacing again in frustration, He wished he could talk directly with the healers. The numbness of shock was starting to wear off. In its place was a frantic need for information. He was wracking his brain for what his healer mother had said about aliments affecting the brain. Most of what he knew applied to head injuries. Head injuries could trigger a latent Gift, he knew. And they could cause strange aberrations in existing Gifts. A brainstorm was bleeding in the brain, his mother had said. If a healer could stop the bleeding quickly enough, the damage could be repaired, couldn't it?

And then there was Kris. He pulled the ring out of his pocket and stared at it again. Why?

:Dirk, you should sleep.: said Ahrodie said gently.

"You're right," sighed Dirk, putting the ring back into his pocket. He put on his coat and grabbed his damp shirt off the bush. It would dry well enough over night. He walked to the front of the way station. Del's Chosen sat by the fire, apparently in deep conversation with Del who was curled around his Chosen the way a mother curls around a foal. .

"So, I haven't been hearing things..?" he was asking excitedly, a pause as Del said something, then, "No, no, only when they've been really after me for something. Its made it easier to keep out of the way, actually."

Dirk gathered from this that the boy had a Mind Hearing Gift waking up. More than likely, a Mind Speaking one too. He made some noise so as not to startle the boy.

"Milord Herald?" the boy scrambled to his feet.

In the fading half light, the boy looked much like Talia had on the first day Dirk had ever seen her. All huge dark eyes and curly hair, waiting to be reprimanded. Dirk's heart turned over in his chest.

He coughed to get rid of the sudden lump in his throat, scraped up a smile, "Sit lad, you've probably been on the road all day"

The boy sat obediently. Dirk noticed Ahrodie's tack neatly stacked just inside of the station next to Del's. The boy followed Dirk's glance and grinned, "I cleaned your gear too, sir" .

"Thank you!" Dirk managed a more genuine smile. If the boy was Holderkin, he might frighten easily, "What's your name?"

"Andrean, sir." Dirk wondered if that was a common Holderkin name "Andrean Fl--" the boy stopped and ducked his head and said more quietly "Andrean Nobody, I guess. I'm Shunned for sure." Andrean leaned back into Del's comforting bulk. Del touched his nose to Andrean's shoulder.

Dirk sat at the little fire across from Andrean, "Well, I believe your Companion makes you Herald-Trainee Andrean." he said kindly, and was rewarded by the boy's smile, "I'm Herald Dirk. I teach at the Collegium." For sure, the poor boy was Holderkin, "Do they still disown the ones who leave/"

"Well, after my brother Erec left for the guard, they Shunned him. The Elders say that staying together is how we survive. If someone leaves, they're weakening the whole...or something." Andrean shrugged, then he perked up a bit, "My mother took me to the peddlers when Del Chose me, though. Got me some clothes and way food for the trip. And the peddlers wouldn't take any of Mother's egg money, either. She was all aflitter about being beholden to the peddlers, but they said the Queen pays for everything. They even had a pair of boots t'fit me." he finished with another shy smile.

"Are you hungry, Milord Herald?" asked Andrean after a moment. proffering a meat pie.

"Thank you, Andrean" Dirk took it. "And you can drop the 'milord'. Every time you do that I have to look around for who you're talking to. Just 'Herald Dirk' is fine." In many ways, he was glad for the distraction Andrean was providing. A shy newly-Chosen was something he was accustomed to dealing with.

The boy appeared to understand the basics of Choosing—he didn't seem inordinately confused or scared. It was a pity, though that he had to give up his family. Dirk knew that this still bothered Talia, even after all these years.

Talia.

Just the thought of her threatened to bring tears again.

He finished eating his meal, only through the long discipline of the road. Eat when its offered, sleep when there's an opportunity. The Herald and the Guard shared those traits; the understanding that no matter the fear or anxiety, the basics had to be maintained.

"I have to get back to Haven quickly," said Dirk to Andrean "So I'm going to look after Ahrodie and head off to bed. If you're up early I'll see you in the morning. Otherwise, I'll see you in Haven."

Prince Kris was perfectly happy to be going home. He wasn't entirely happy about the reason, of course, but he was happy to be going back to familiar things and people.

Yesterday, his father, Prince Consort Darren had told his sister, Princess Lyra and himself that they were headed back to Haven weeks early. Darren had had a longer talk with Bard Jemmy, Herald Talia's son. It seemed that Herald Talia was ill—Queen Selenay had recalled them all home and Prince Consort Darren was busy for the day making gracious excuses to one and all.

Prince Kris was heartily tired of being "Prince" Kris all the time and even more tired of his father being "Prince Consort". He wanted to be just plain Kris and his father to be just plain Father. His twin sister, far more extroverted than himself, seemed happy enough playing "Princess-Lyra-Heir-to-The-Valdemar-Throne" although she would sometimes admit to feeling like she was on permanent display.

He was tired of the young people here, so concerned with rank and privilege. Fortunately, he was a little apart from it, as a visitor. It would be very easy to be very miserable here, if he had to stay.

One of the young Rethwellan courtiers, a boy with an apparently permanent sneer, had asked why Kris wasn't the heir, given that he was the boy twin. When Kris had explained that his sister was Chosen first, the young courtier had asked how this made Kris feel, "Deeply relieved" he'd said.

Truthfully, he _was_ deeply relieved about the heir part, but he wished he could be Chosen. His elder sister, Elspeth, maintained that it was likely that _his _Companion was too young to Choose. This was quite likely, actually. During the last years of the war and Mage Storms, hardly any foals had been born, Since then, there had been many, but Companions didn't choose until they were at least eight. The oldest unpartnered Companions in the field were almost nine. Lyra's Companion was one of the few foals born during the war and she only had two year-mates.

Knocking on the door jarred him out of his reverie. "Come in" he called in Rethwellan

Bard Jemmy came in. He was only a couple of years older than Kris. They had been friends most of their lives. Kris had been happily fostered at Jemmy's grandfather's farm during parts of the war and the Mage Storms. Last winter they'd spent together, training with Kero's Skybolts. Kris felt that Jemmy was as much his brother as Elspeth was his sister.

Jemmy's eyes were red and swollen. His brown hair looked uncombed and he was very pale. "You slept badly?" Jemmy asked Kris incongruously.

"You should talk" said Kris, "You look like you didn't sleep at all"

"I don't think I did." said Jemmy unhappily. "I've been up all night, worrying about Mama."

"I'm sure that Mother's already got the best healers in four realms seeing Talia" Kris said feeling awkward, "She's got Father talking to Uncle Faram's court healers too. We're bringing one back with us, I think."

"I know" said Jemmy, he sat down on the bed. As something to do, he picked up Kris's lute and started to tune it, idly. Jemmy had all three Bardic Gifts and had been made journeyman last year. He was hoping to write his Master work next year.

"Are you packed?" asked Kris, when the silence got to be too much.

"Yes." Jemmy put aside the instrument, covered his eyes with a shaking hand, "Kris, if something happens to her..."

Kris pulled a handkerchief out of his drawer and handed it to his friend. "She'll be fine, I know it." he said firmly

Jemmy took the handkerchief gratefully, "Thanks, Kris" he said blowing his nose.


	7. Chapter 7

_The wind was rising out of a chill sky. Talia was looking for someone, frantically calling for help as she raced through Companion's Field. She knew she didn't have much time. Already, she was too late. How could he do this? How could she have not seen it?_

"Talia! Wake up." Rolan was nudging her shoulder and someone was shaking her foot. She opened her eyes to candlelight and Kerowyn's face looking at her with concern. "Talia? Are you all right? You cried out."

"Bad dream." she muttered, "I have to go to the privy." Kerowyn helped her up, and supported her as she walked. It was the fourth night after Talia's fit. She was still having trouble balancing. Her eyes played tricks on her, too. Shadows moved in the periphery of her vision, exacerbating her dizziness.

Kero helped her back to bed, "Need anything else?"

"No. What time is it?"

"Early. Almost dawn." Kerowyn sat down on the mattress on the floor she'd been sleeping on.

"Kero..?" said Talia "I didn't get the chance to thank you for the other day. So...thank you."

Kerowyn shrugged, "It was Sayvil really, she was talking to Rolan when you took fit. I just did what she told me to do"

The dark outside the window was turning grey and pink. Talia rearranged her pillows so she could sit up and look out the window. They'd put her next to the east-facing window at her request and brought down some of her things. Devan and Rolan had been adamant that, until her bond with Rolan became stable again, she was not to get too far away from him.

The air was feeling chill today, turning to damp. "'Red sky in the morning, Herald's warning'" quoted Talia, "Do you know if Gwena spoke to Ahrodie last night?" she asked Kerowyn.

"Mmm. She did. Said they should be back today, sometime. And she talked to Darren's Jasan, They'll be back next week." Said Kerowyn, "D'you want me to start a fire in that stove? It's damp."

"No, I think I'd like to try to get up, before Devan gets here and tells me I can't. Will you give me a hand?" Kerowyn grinned and handed Talia a pair of breeches and a shirt out of the clothes press they had brought in. Talia's left hand was clumsy tying fastenings, so Kero helped her with that. Kerowyn pulled on her own breeches and jacket over the shirt and hose she'd slept in.

"You want me to saddle Rolan for you?" asked Kero

"No, thank you." Talia tottered unsteadily to the door with Rolan supporting her. Once outside, he knelt so she just needed to throw her leg over him. He stood carefully, she lay along his spine with her eyes closed then sat up slowly. "Oh, this is better." she sighed.

Sayvil came trotting over and Kerowyn took the hint, climbing up on Sayvil's back to accompany her.

As they walked sedately through the field, Kerowyn noted that the Companions were keeping a close eye on them.

"Devan says that you saw some things from my fit." said Talia abruptly.

"I suppose I was just sharing your hallucinations." Kerowyn said off-handedly.

"Did you...see the other Heralds?" Talia steadfastly looked at Rolan's mane as if she didn't like to meet Kerowyn's eyes.

"I saw one." Kerowyn replied slowly, "Older man, tall. To tell the truth, I thought it was the man you were talking to."

"The man I was talking to..?"

Kerowyn wasn't comfortable naming the man. Elspeth had told her who Herald Kris was. The Shin'a'in held that seeing the dead in a fever dream meant you were too close to them and that naming the dead brought them closer. She shared that belief, just enough to feel a thrill of foreboding, "You were talking to someone named Kris" she said quietly.

"No, that wasn't Kris you saw." Talia said looking at her hands "I've been trying to work out _what_ I saw

"Devan said it was like a fever dream...I'm not sure its that important"

Talia sighed, "No. Maybe not."

They made a long circle around the Field. Each wrapped in her own thoughts.

They reached the Palace side of the Field "Look, here comes the day-guard" said Talia wryly. Elspeth hailed them from across the bridge and ran to meet them.

"Talia! Should you be up?" she asked as soon as she reached them.

Talia shrugged and Kerowyn grinned, "I wasn't going to wake the healer to ask her." said Kerowyn, "Although, we likely should get Talia back. To save the poor little healer from Devan's wrath, when he gets there and his patient's disappeared on her watch."

Elspeth said "I'll walk her back, if you like." nodding at Talia

"All right, I'll see you later, Talia." Kerowyn and Sayvil headed back over the bridge the way Elspeth came.

"Nice hand-off." smiled Talia, as Elspeth fell into step beside Rolan.

"Gwena called me." Elspeth admitted, "She worries."

Talia had not missed the unobtrusive observation of the Companions. Rolan turned back towards the shed. "It seems that they all worry".

"Perhaps they think that Kero and Sayvil are bad influences" said Elspeth.

Rolan snorted and then nodded, making them both laugh. "Why am I not surprised?" asked Talia.

"How are you feeling?" asked Elspeth,

"A little dizzy. Headache's a lot better though."

Rolan stopped and looked over his shoulder, Talia and Elspeth followed his gaze. Trotting over the bridge was Ahrodie and Dirk. "Gods, did the man ride all night?" asked Elspeth.

Talia didn't say anything, but it was clear she wanted Rolan to lose the distance between them with his accustomed speed. He turned carefully around, but otherwise stood stock still.

Ahrodie broke into a tired canter and stopped close enough to Rolan that neither of their riders needed to dismount to embrace.

Elspeth looked on with relief as the pair whispered to each other. Dirk and Ahrodie looked exhausted, but at least Dirk was _here._

"Dirk?" she said after a few minutes, "If you want to see Talia back to her bed, I can take care of Ahrodie."

Ahrodie looked gratefully at Elspeth, "Thank you," said Dirk tiredly.

Dirk dismounted. To his surprise, Rolan went to his knees and tossed his head, indicating that Dirk should get up behind Talia. "Thank you, too." Dirk told Rolan getting behind Talia on Rolan's bare back. "I'm not that tired, though." he teased, gently.

Talia drew his hands around her waist "No, but I missed you that much."

Rolan carefully rose to his feet. Dirk noted with anxiety how _very_ careful Rolan was being with Talia. Ahrodie had told him when they rode up, that Rolan feared Talia might have trouble staying mounted if the Companion made any sudden moves. That in itself was frightening. For a Herald, that was like having trouble breathing.

They continued on to the shed. Talia explained the new sleeping arrangements to him as they rode. Dirk only half listened to her words. He was so relieved to get here, but he was not at all reassured by what he saw.

When they arrived at the shed, Devan was waiting for them. "I hope you weren't too hard on the healer you'd left to watch me." Talia said lightly.

"No." Said Devan smiling slightly, "Only because the Companions and I seem to have come to an understanding. You stay with them and they won't let you do anything to undo my work. I should have put a ward for the Heralds out here a long time ago."

Rolan went to his knees so Talia could dismount. She stood shakily and took Devan's arm when he offered it. Dirk took the other side.

When Talia was sitting down in the bed by the window, she looked as tired as Dirk felt. Rolan came in and folded himself up onto the clean straw. Dirk thought the way Rolan looked worried him more than the way Talia did. There was something like sorrow in the Companion's eyes and in the way he carried himself. Something Dirk had never seen before.

Dirk pulled his chair up beside Talia, "All right, Devan," he said "You need to tell me what's going on."

Devan sat perfectly still for a moment, steeling himself. He began by telling Dirk about Talia's fit and what he'd told Talia and Elspeth and Selenay.

Talia looked out the window as Devan spoke, but she reached out and held Dirk's hand very tightly.

"There must be something to be done." said Dirk,

"Well, we've come up with two ideas thus far, both of them involve risk." answered Devan.

"I didn't want to make any decisions until you were here." said Talia

"You understand that all living tissue is composed of tiny living animalicules." said Devan, "They reproduce themselves by dividing and they die at controlled rates. They are each specialized as to their function. The Healing Gift encourages growth of these animalicules in the event of injury. In the event of illness like a fever it encourages the production of animalicules that cleanse the body of foreign invaders." Devan looked at Dirk to see if he was following. Dirk nodded, having heard something like this from his mother.

Devan continued, "The difficulty here is that there is a group of rogue animalicules that are growing in Talia's brain. Her body does not recognize them as foreign. We have already tried the usual methods of rallying her own body's defenses. The results were—not encouraging. "

"All right, so what are these treatments you're considering?" asked Dirk

"The first is that we can suppress the growth of fast growing tissues in her body. The trouble is that we cannot be selective. When there is injury and we speed up healing, the rest of the body speeds up too."

"That's what causes the build up of fatigue poisons, right?" asked Dirk, remembering what his mother had told him when Talia had been healing from her capture by Ancar.

"Yes, precisely. This would do the opposite. It would slow the replacement of tissues in the body."

"What's the other thought?"

"There are animalicules in the body that are responsible for the destruction of foreign invaders, as I said. They are normally kept in balance by other substances, so that they don't attack healthy tissue. We can suppress the balancing substances to allow her defenses free reign."

Dirk felt overwhelmed with information. He hadn't eaten or slept since the night before and he needed to digest all of this, "When does this need to be decided?"

"A day or two won't make any difference. You're tired. You both should talk this over." Devan stood up. "I've asked the servants to bring you some food down, Dirk. And then you should sleep. We can discuss the specifics further, later"

Devan left them, then. Someone had started a fire in the stove while Talia had been out with Rolan. Dirk put a kettle of water on to heat so he could have a decent wash with hot water. Talia lay back on her pillows, content just to have him near her.

A few minutes later, Karen knocked on the outer door. She had a covered tray of food with her and she smiled brightly at Dirk, "I'm out here with Dantris. If you need anything, ask Rolan or Ahrodie to call me.

Dirk finished washing before bringing the tray to Talia's bedside. "Is there enough room for me?" he asked putting the tray of food on the chair.

"Always." she shifted over so he could lie down next to her. He put his arms around her. There were many things Dirk wanted to say. Talia too, had things she needed to tell him. It was as if neither of them could bring themselves to begin the conversation and disturb the moment. It wasn't long before the contentment they found in each other lulled them both to sleep.

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Dirk woke up very late in the afternoon. Talia was sitting up next to him, reading. "Hey, little bird." he said.

She turned to him with her sweet smile. After all this time, he still loved to see her smile. "Sleep well?" she asked.

"Yes. Is there some of that food left? I'm starving." Dirk sat up and helped himself to some bread from the tray he'd left on the chair. It was otherwise untouched.

Rolan was gone from his place on the straw. Dirk assumed he'd gone off to eat and take care of other needs. He got up to put some water on the stove again, this time for tea. He came back and sat comfortably with Talia snuggled up to his chest.

"I'm not sure what I should be saying," Dirk began slowly, "I knew the news would be bad. I'm not sure I understood it would be this bad. Or maybe, I just didn't want to admit it could be this bad"

Talia nodded into his chest, then without looking at him, she asked "How did you know to come home so quickly? Everyone's assuming it was Rolan..."

Dirk reached into the pocket of his breeches that he still wore and took out her ring, "You should have this back, little bird"

She lifted her head and stared, first at the ring and then at Dirk, "How did you get that? I only noticed it missing yesterday. I was going to make you search our rooms. I thought maybe I'd taken it off and didn't remember."

He put the ring back on her finger. "Kris told me you needed me. He gave it to me."

"Kris? _Our_ Kris?" At his sober nod she shivered. "I saw Kris too." she said in a tiny whisper, "I saw him in my fit. I didn't tell anyone about that part. He said...he said that he'd go find you."

'What's more, _Ahrodie _saw him." Dirk shook his head, "And then, it was like I couldn't think of anything other than getting here. Well, both of us, really."

"So, Kris was real." she sat silent for a minute, "I saw other Heralds too. Ones I didn't recognize. Kris spoke to them—does that make them real too?" another silence then she smiled, gently, "I kept seeing Kerowyn in Whites...I _know_ I was imagining that"

"We should talk to Devan, some more." said Dirk.

"Selenay came in while you were asleep." said Talia, "She asked if she could be there too. And Elspeth."

"Why don't I go change? It looks like we'll be moving in here for a while. Do you want me to bring anything down?"

Dirk kept finding his mind turning to the next little item to be taken care of. Talia's illness was too big to take in at one time. He was treating it the way he treated any crisis, thinking through the next correct move, the next little detail. To think about the whole could leave one paralyzed. Better to reduce the problem into manageable pieces and deal with it one piece at a time. That type of thinking regularly saved the life and sanity of a Herald. He could hear the lecture _he_ normally recited to his own students ringing in his head.

Talia gave him a list of things to bring down, including both their harps. He sent to Arhodie to ask her to let Selenay's Caryo and Elspeth's Gwena know that they welcomed their presence in their next conference with Devan.


	8. Chapter 8

Lyra and Kris had attached themselves to Bard Jemmy at the end of the baggage train. Jemmy was relieved by the news that his father had reached Haven, but Kris knew that Jemmy was wearing himself to pieces with worry. He wasn't sure what to do for his friend, other than just be with him.

Lyra tried to lighten the tedium of the ride with the gossip of the Rethwellan Court or stories about the Collegium that Kris and Jemmy had missed from last winter. After a week on the road though, even she had run short of things to talk about.

Kris felt the eyes of the Rethwellan healer on him again. Kris had noticed the man watching him three days ago, with an odd speculative look. It gave him a nervous, itchy feeling whenever the man was near. Given Rethwellan prejudices, Kris was concerned about what the healer might have guessed about him. He was not looking forward to the conversation he knew he'd sooner or later have to have with his parents. Perhaps he should have Elspeth and Darkwind do a flanking manuever on this one...

"Prince Kris?" said a grave voice jarring him from his reverie, "Could I have a word?" The healer seemed to have decided something, and now had come over to ride just behind he, Jemmy and Lyra. Lyra and Jemmy looked surprised but Kris nodded to them. They rode a little ahead, while Kris dropped back. It was no good putting off unpleasant conversations.

"Yes, Healer?" Kris managed to use a politely neutral tone. One that, hopefully, didn't give away his inner tension.

"Prince Kris, are you feeling all right?" the healer asked.

"Other than tired of riding, do you mean?" He said petulantly. The truth was that this whole trip had Kris depressed to the point of tears. He really only felt like himself when he was in the company of his twin sister. The healer seemed to sense something that Kris wasn't saying.

"Prince Kris, would you mind if I had a Look at you?" At the head of the convoy they were calling for the first halt of the day. Kris didn't see any way of refusing without being deeply rude.

They dismounted and a groom came for the healer's horse, to lead it for a drink. Usually Kris cared for his own mount, but the healer told the groom to take Kris's as well. Kris's apprehension rose as the healer asked him to sit on a rock by the roadside.

The healer placed his hand on Kris's forehead. A headache and a feeling of pressure that Kris hadn't known was there suddenly vanished. More, a horrible black cloud seemed to lift from his heart, "Gods, what did you just do?" exclaimed Kris.

The healer beamed, "I think, your highness, we should talk with your father."

Kris didn't understand why the healer was so pleased or why they needed to talk to his father. He was just glad that the sense of impending doom he'd been carrying about with him decided to evaporate.

It took a few moments to locate Prince Consort Darren. He was still mounted, walking down the length of the column talking with the Caravan master. "Prince Consort?" called the healer.

Darren dismissed the caravan master and came over to where the healer and Kris stood. He gave Kris a worried look as if he expected to hear that Kris had been caught in some infraction. "Yes?"

"Sir, I believe your son is developing a Gift of Healing."

That got Darren's attention. He swung down from his saddle, looking excited, "Tell on." He said.

"Prince Kris, You have had an increasingly difficult time being around others, in the past few months, correct?" Asked the healer

"Yes," said Kris, not understanding what that had to do with anything. "Well, except for Lyra and Jemmy."

The healer's smile grew broader, "Except for the only other younglings around who have any mind magic and keep their thoughts and feelings behind shields." said the healer, addressing himself both to Kris and his father, "I believe that Prince Kris currently has the Gift of Empathy and Mindhealing awakening. Those are often the first to develop. I have him under my own shields just now."

"Is that why my head feels so much better?" asked Kris with relief.

Darren was looking both pleased and proud. "That's wonderful!" He put his arm around his son's shoulder and hugged him. Kris thought it was the first time since Lyra had been Chosen that his father had spoken to him with affection unalloyed by concern, "Can you teach him to shield himself?"

"Oh yes, milord..." the healer began.

"Kris!" They were interrupted by Lyra charging over with Jemmy in tow, "What are you doing?" she demanded her face white, not noticing that her father and the healer stood by.

The healer looked at her, confused, then smiled again "Your pardon, milady. I had forgotten that you and your brother were twins. I have your brother under my shields for the nonce. When I teach him to shield himself, it won't affect the twin bond."

"I'm sorry?" Lyra looked from her brother to the healer.

Darren was now looking positively thrilled as he told Lyra, "It seems your brother has a Healing Gift." Darren turned to Kris "Can I tell your mother when Jasan contacts them tonight? Or would you like to tell her yourself?"

"Um, I don't mind." said Kris distractedly, "I'm more interested in shields, right now." he was realizing how much noise and pressure had been creeping up on him since he'd come to Rethwellan. "Could we do _that_ now?"

The healer beamed some more, "Certainly, Prince Kris. We could even do it while we ride. Its simple enough, but there's a knack to it."

The caravan master had come back to tell Darren that it was time to leave. The groom came back with Kris' and the healer's horses.

As the healer had said, it wasn't difficult. The healer was especially pleased to learn that Kris had only just begun to Feel things from other people, beginning around the Spring Equinox when they'd started their journey to Rethwellan. "No time to learn bad habits. Nothing to unlearn." he'd said.

It was similar to how Kris already kept Lyra out of his head. The healer also helped him to find his "shape beneath his skin" and taught him to find the earth and link with it. A much happier and deeply tired Kris dragged himself into the tent he shared with Jemmy.

"How'd it go?" Jemmy asked.

Kris grinned at his friend, "I feel much, much better" Kris threw himself on his cot, thinking how different it was travelling with his father verses travelling with Herald-Captain Kerowyn. Kerowyn would have had them putting up their own tents, for one thing.

Jemmy had a wine skin out and was filling a glass for each of them, "Lyra went to bed already. You scared her today, you know. She said you just dropped out of her head, the way you did when you broke your arm. She was afraid that..."

Kris interrupted him, "She was afraid that father had discovered that my taste in lovers is the same as hers and he knocked me tail-over-teakettle."

"Well...yes" said Jemmy uncomfortably.

"No, I took the Herald-Captain's advice and have not so much as _looked_ at anyone since we left Skybolt's territory." said Kris sourly, drinking from his wineglass.

Jemmy thought it politic to change the subject, "So, do you want to be a healer?"

"I'd never thought about it before." Kris said, "But to be honest, I'm as pleased as father is." Kris grinned again, "What Healer Greson told me about Mindhealing was fascinating. AND it puts me so far out of succession, I might as well be a Jakathan peasant. I also won't have courtiers and father wondering what's 'wrong' with me that I haven't been Chosen ."

Prince Darren was so pleased by the discovery of his son's Healing Gift, that he invited Healer Greson for dinner with him. Healer Greson, for his part, was very pleased to be able to help the lad. He did not tell Prince Darren the other things he'd picked up about the boy.

"Its strange the way your children change, isn't it?" Prince Darren said.

"In what way, milord?" asked Greson politely

"I sent him off for the winter, and when he came back he was—well--secretive. Spending all his time in his room or the library." Darren shrugged, "I don't know, Just not the boy I remembered."

Greson smiled, "It's not uncommon for one with a gift of Empathy or Mindhealing to become this way until they are trained." he said diplomatically

Greson had heard that Valdemarans were more tolerant of 'differences' than the Rethwellans generally were. Fortunately for the boy, so were healers. A healer that never married was not a cause for comment. And healers were discreet. Otherwise Greson might have found himself seeking Valdemaran sanctuary.

No, what a healer discovered about a person in the course of Healing (or teaching) was a sacred trust. And Greson was not sure that the Prince Consort of Valdemar was Valdemaran enough to tolerate these sort of differences in his own son.


	9. Chapter 9

Nine days after Del Chose him, Andrean arrived at Haven.

The last nine days had been something of a holiday for a boy who was accustomed to doing a man's worth of farm chores. In some ways he was reluctant to have it end. The Herald he'd met that first night had been very reassuring, but it was one thing to dream, another to do

He was astonished at the sheer number of people he shared the road with. He sat on Del's back, quite unable to do much beyond stare—he hadn't know there were that many people in the _world._

_:_It's all right: said Del in his mind, :We'll be at the Collegium soon: Andrean could only Hear Del when they were in physical contact. Dell said it was likely that, in time, Andrean would be a strong Mind Speaker.

Del was quite comfortable with the city and the people in it. They wended their way towards the Palace, with the knot in Andrean's stomach getting tighter every second.

At a gate in one of the walls, a woman stood dressed in a dark blue uniform. Andrean had gotten over his surprise that women were in the Guard days ago, but this woman's uniform was a darker blue than the others. She smiled up at Andrean in a friendly way, "Good morning, young sir. Newly Chosen, then?"

"Yes, ma'am" he said quietly.

"Well, you are most welcome. Good thing you didn't get here three days ago. What a to-do that was. Well timed, Companion..." she looked at the signs on Del's hackamore "Del."

She waved them through the gate, "Go on in, Companion Del will take you where you need to go."

They went in through the courtyard and after a moment, Andrean quite lost track of the way out. They finally came out between two buildings facing a river with a small bridge over it. Del trotted across the bridge. Other Companions were standing in the field, grazing or standing around in little groups, so that they looked like gossiping wives.

"We should find someone in charge" said Andrean nervously.

:Yes, I know just the person: said Del.

A Companion mare fell into step beside them, for a moment. It seemed to Andrean that Del spoke to her. Del changed direction and headed toward a building on the near side of the field.

A brown haired woman in Whites sat in the sunshine, leaning against her Companion, reading. She looked up as they approached. Andrean thought she must be sick, she was pale and deep shadows circled her eyes. Her dark eyes had the too-bright gleam of fever.

Her clothes gave the impression of being just a little too big for her.

:She is quite sick: said Del soberly :but its not something you can catch.:

"So, why are we bothering her?" whispered Andrean. He couldn't imagine bothering such a fine lady as she must be, under any circumstances. Let alone when she was convalescing.

Del didn't answer. The lady smiled gently at him and said "You must be Andrean."

"Yes, ma'am" he said, startled.

:Get down and talk to her.: said Del. Andrean did as he was told. The lady patted the ground next to her, inviting him to sit. Del reclined on the ground to act as backrest.

"Herald Dirk told me he'd met you." She said kindly.

"Yes ma'am."

"Are you hungry? If you go inside, there," she pointed at the building, "there's food sitting on a tray on the counter."

Andrean was very hungry, so he did what he was told again. He noted that the lady must live here. There was a large bed in the corner heaped with blankets, but also a heap of straw. A sideboard held a tray of food. He wasn't sure which he should take, so he brought the whole tray with him, set it down between himself and the lady.

Talia watched Andrean bring back the food. Dirk was right, the boy had the Holderkin look and manner. Fortunately, he didn't have the closed, tight fisted Feel of most Holderkin men. Well, it was likely that he wouldn't have been Chosen, otherwise. There hadn't been a Holderkin Chosen since herself.

Dirk had asked if the boy was likely to be a relation, she laughed and told him that it would be more surprising if the boy were _not_. The Holderkin were never many in number.

When he sat down after putting the tray between them, he just waited, looking furtively at her. No Holderkin child ever served themselves. In scarce years, and in good, they waited to be doled out their share. Well, she'd play First wife.

She reached for two apples and handed them to him. "One for Del." she said, then cut some bread and cheese for him.

He fed Del his apple first, then set upon his own food. Talia kept quiet. Among the Holderkin, conversation while eating was the height of rudeness. She didn't want to give the poor boy the dilemma of considering the lesser insult; either not answering her questions or speaking while eating.

When he was done she said, "Better? I don't know a boy your age yet, who's not hungry all the time." he smiled at her shyly.

The boy's shy smile warmed her right through. "Dirk said you had family in the Guard?"

"Yes ma'am. My brother Erec."

"Would you like us to send him a message? We can find him, if we know his name and where he signed up." It would be easier for Andrean if he felt he hadn't given up all family ties, she knew. Many trainees had siblings or parents in the Guard. Guard families had strong traditions of giving to Queen and Country. It was not unusual to find a Guardsman, a Herald, and a Healer all come from the same family. It would mean he wouldn't feel he had to tell others that he'd been Shunned.

Andrean's eyes lit up "Yes, ma'am!" He'd liked his brother, although he'd not been allowed to speak his name in three years.

"So, where are you from, Andrean?" asked Talia,

"Fletcherholding, ma'am." Andrean saw something kindle in the lady's eyes, but like Holderkin Elders, she controlled her expression. Unlike them, the impression she was trying to give was gentle and sympathetic.

Del poked Andrean with his nose, :Tell her about the letter:.

"Ma'am?" said Andrean hesitantly, worried that she might think he was interrupting her. She looked at him with an encouraging smile. "Do you know a Herald called Talia?"

"Why, yes," said Talia brightly, "That would be me." She knew that stories of her being Holderkin circulated through the whole kingdom—except of course among the Holderkin. She assumed the boy had heard one and was looking for reassurance of the truth of it.

Andrean wanted use every curse he knew on the smug looking Del. He couldn't use that language in front of a Herald, so he just thought daggers at him

:Now, is that kind?: Del asked placidly.

Talia didn't miss the glare Andrean gave his Companion. Nor the flash of anxiety that washed against her shields. She was too tired to do much about it, so she waited while the boy found his tongue. He turned to dig through Del's saddle bags. She heard him whisper to Del, "You could have _told_ me."

He turned around and gave her a folded piece of parchment, sealed with wax. With her name scrawled very clearly on the outside.

"What's this?" she asked a little non-plussed.

Andrean shrugged, nervously, "I'm not sure ma'am. My mother had the peddler's wife write it for her. My mother doesn't write well. She said I was to give it to no one, save Herald Talia or the Queen Herself. If Del had told me who you were, ma'am, I'd've given it you right off." Clearly he was afraid he'd erred, not giving her the letter sooner.

She smiled reassuringly. "Perhaps it would have been better, had I introduced myself."

Talia took the letter and opened it. The parchment was not new, it was much scraped, but still serviceable. There were many cross outs, as if the writer had had difficulty finding the proper words

In an unfamiliar hand the letter read:

Herald Talia,

It has been many years since we have seen one another. I write because it seems that the Goddess has decreed that my son should be a Herald. I have had many years to think on and consider our last meeting. I feel that I was mistaken in my action, but I have no way to make amends to you.

It is said that you are a Great Lady, so I ask you, in the name of the affection you once had for me, to be kind to my boy. He is named after our brother.

Widow Fletcher

Vrisa

By the hand and seal of Ruth Trader

Andrean watched Herald Talia read the letter with trepidation. He couldn't imagine what his mother might have to say to a Herald. If it was possible, she turned paler, and she looked up with her bright, feverish eyes.

"Andrean," she said slowly, "What is you mother's name?"

"Vrisa."

She smiled, a slow tremulous smile, "You're my sister-son." she said softly.

Andrean stared at this fine lady, who looked him square in the eye. He had an urge to ask her not to tease him. However, some of the things that his mother said before he left began to make sense. "How is that possible?" he asked.

She closed her eyes for a moment, as if to collect herself, "I was Chosen thirty years ago." she opened her eyes again. "Your mother and I were both Sensdaughters. She went to be Under wife to Fletcher."

Andrean was confused for a moment, then, "Oh, my mother told me she became First wife because her senior wife died..."

"Yes. And I was Shunned." Talia finished quietly. She reached out a pale, cold hand towards Andrean, who took it. "I am very glad you are here." she said.

A Herald came riding over. Andrean, turned into the sunlight, squinting to look at the man. "Andrean!" called the man. It was Herald Dirk, "I told you I'd see you here. " He smiled broadly and swung down from his saddle. "I see you've met..".

"Dirk", interrupted Talia, "Look at this." Andrean gasped to himself, he'd never seen a woman speak over a man before.

Herald Dirk took the letter and read it, looking at Andrean when he was done. "Well, it looks like I've gained a nephew!". He beamed.

"A nephew, sir?"

"I'm Talia's husband."

"Dirk?" said Talia, she was looking worn now.

He smiled gently at her,put his hand on her shoulder, then looked over Andrean's head, "Just the people I wanted." he called.

Andrean turned around to see who he was calling to. A thin blond girl in gray clothes walked next to a Companion, a blond boy who looked to be her close kin and dressed in light green walked on the other side of the Companion. Walking next to him was an older brown haired boy who resembled Herald Talia, dressed all in red.

"You look a pretty sight." said Talia to them.

The three smiled, then the girl said "Jana, said you wanted us."

"Yes," said Dirk, "Andrean here has just arrived. I need to help Talia. So, Lyra and Kris, can you find him a room and get him settled in?"

He turned to Andrean, "Lyra is a Herald Trainee and Kris is a Healer Trainee. They know their way around here pretty well. Collegium's on Summer break. When Herald Teren comes back, we can figure out what classes you need to take."

The young man in red walked around to Herald Talia, he crouched beside her and helped her to her feet. "Thank you, love" she said to him. "This is your Cousin Andrean, Jemmy." she said breathlessly, indicating Andrean.

The young man looked at Andrean surprised, "Where have you been hiding?" he asked in a voice, very like Herald Dirk.

"Umm, Fletcherholding." said Andrean, uncertainly.

"Good Gods" exclaimed Jemmy "There's a story behind this, I can tell."

"You can hear it later." laughed Talia, shakily, "Right now, poor Del's still sitting in his tack and Devan will go mad if he sees me still out here. Go on. Do as your told."

Lyra and her Companion beckoned to Andrean and Del. Kris smiled at Andrean and the five (two Companions and three youngsters) went in the direction of the tack shed.

Rolan got to his feet. With Rolan and Dirk's support, Talia walked slowly to the shed. She felt wrung out and the tears she'd swallowed to avoid frightening her nephew started to fall. Dirk kissed her and her son handed her a handkerchief. "I'm sorry," she said, "I'm tired and that was a bit of a shock.".

Dirk showed Jemmy the letter, and explained who Vrisa was. Jemmy knew the bare bones of the tale, but his mother had never spoken to him of her sister, or her brother.

Jemmy helped Dirk put Talia on the bed. She didn't feel like changing from her day clothes, so they merely took off her boots. One of them covered her up as she drifted off to sleep.

Some time later, she heard people talking, just outside the door.

"How are these treatments working?" a woman's voice, Talia was convinced she knew who that was, but couldn't put a face to the voice.

"I don't know. They seem to weaken her and I can't see that they're any use. But you know how it is, you have to let people try everything." That was the Tall Herald's voice, he sounded sad and tired, "That was a good thing you did, lad." he said approvingly to someone.

"I don't know if I can take much credit, milord" A new voice, a young man's voice, another maddeningly familiar voice she couldn't place.

"Well," said the woman, "I'm glad it worked out that way. And it seems clear..."

The voices faded to a murmur, while the speakers moved off and Talia drifted back to a deeper sleep.

_The peace of the night split apart by lightning and terror. Talia plunged through a door and was met by chaos. Confused pictures of frightened people held transfixed by fear. She shouldered someone aside to get to the things that threatened them. Screaming challenges, she put herself between these defenseless ones and harm. She looked at the one who brought the terror and..._

_"_Talia!" Dirk's voice cried. He was holding her by the shoulders and in the moonlight she could see tears on his face.

"Dirk?" she was trembling, she touched his wet cheek.

"Gods, Talia. I thought you were having another fit. You were screaming."

"Someone needed me and...and someone had done something terrible." She looked at Rolan. He stared back at her in surprise and...fear? The feeling passed and he sent a pulse of warmth and strength through her.

She was almost asleep when she thought she heard the Tall Herald say, "Go back to sleep, little sister.".

She was barely aware of Dirk crawling back into bed beside her. She curled into his warmth and forgot about the voices and the dreams.


	10. Chapter 10

"Devan?" Talia said quietly when he came in to check on her, the day after her tenth treatment. "Is my hair falling out?". She held a lock of hair out to show him. She sat on the small couch they had had brought in. Dirk sat next to her with his arm around her shoulder

They were only doing these treatments every third day, Devan considered them dangerous for both Talia and the healers who were involved. "It's very likely" said Devan heavily "We're suppressing animalicules that reproduce quickly. That would include things like skin, nails and hair. That's why you're so tired, as well. The animalicules whose function it is to deliver air and food to the tissues are not reproducing as quickly as they should either."

"So why is it falling out?" Talia felt strangely desperate about this. She was not vain. she was surely no Court beauty, but her hair...

"When the living part of the hair goes dormant, the hair falls out." Devan explained.

"Will it come back?" she said softy.

"I don't know. I hope so." Devan said honestly

Talia crumbled. She turned her head into Dirk's shoulder and sobbed helplessly. Dirk just held her as she cried, "Shhh." he said, although he could have cried with her, "Shhh, little bird. its all right. ". She had shared her fear and frustration over her illness, this was the first time she'd shown grief.

After a few moments Talia's sobbing quieted. She took a long quavering breath. "Sorry, Devan." she said. Dirk left his arms wrapped around her, "I feel foolish, getting upset over hair_._"

Devan smiled sympathetically, "I think you have every right to be upset, old friend".

"Have you learned anything else?" asked Dirk.

"I have messages sent to every healer I've ever known. I've sent to Darkwind's people, to Iftel, to Karse..." said Devan frustrated, "I've come up with nothing new.".

"So we continue as we have?" asked Talia.

"Yes, the mass has not increased in size at all. It may be that we can hold it as it is, or even get it to shrink." Said Devan "Are the headaches better?"

"Yes, they are."

They spent a few more minutes discussing Talia's symptom. A healer trainee came to tell Devan that he was needed elsewhere.

"I have to go too, love" said Dirk reluctantly. Classes at the Collegium had started and Dirk was needed to teach. "Kerowyn's got a free couple of hours. She'll stay with you until Elspeth comes down this afternoon. I'll be back when I'm done with classes" He kissed her forehead, then her lips.

"I can come back." called Kerowyn's teasing voice from outside the open door.

Dirk smiled and sighed, "Yes, but then my students would come in search of me." he said getting up.

Kerowyn, came in with a covered pot, "I'm told that if you don't at least attempt some soup, there will be a broken hearted cook."

Talia smiled at Kero, "Well, I can't have that." Kerowyn put the pot down on the woodstove and got out a bowl and spoon. She picked up a small, light table to put in front of Talia and put the soup on it.

Dirk turned back, on his way out, to say to Rolan "You, make sure she eats." Rolan nodded.

The shed was turning into quite a cottage. Selenay had ordered the carpenters and artificers to install a bathing tub and a water heater into one of the corner rooms. It already had a privy and a pump for cold water. It had become clear that that this was to be Talia's home while she was sick. Rolan had made it clear. She was not to be taken from the Field unless he took her.

Kerowyn took a coal out of the fire and started the fire in the water heater. "There'll be hot water in a minute" she said, sitting down on a chair opposite Talia. "Do you want me to run you a bath​?"

'Yes, that would be lovely." Talia sighed, "You don't have too..."

Kerowyn smiled, "I don't mind." she nodded at the food "You're not eating."

Talia took a spoonful, swallowed obediently. "How's Andrean doing at arms practice?"

"Oh, I've had worse and I've had better. A lot of heart though. Takes it seriously enough that he pays attention, which is half the battle at his age. We've had a couple of newly Chosen High Borns that came in under the impression that their family name made them instant experts." Kerowyn shrugged, "Andrean helped me drive home the lesson that they didn't."

Talia giggled, "Oh no, what did you do?"

"Let 'em spar unarmed. Andrean's got a bunch of older brothers. He's good with his fists. I figured he'd know a few tricks and I was right. He got his opponent on the ground with a dirty farmyard trick—knocked the other boy's leg out from under him. When the other boy started whining about 'dishonorable tactics' I was able to give one of my famous lectures."

Talia laughed outright, "You mean the one that starts 'How honorable do you think the person trying to kill you will be?'"

"That's the one."

There was a little silence, then, "Kero, you've been really wonderful to me."

Kerowyn shrugged uncomfortably, "Its nothing. I'm happy to help.". She wasn't sure what Talia was getting at.

"If...if something happens to me...will you make sure...will you and Elspeth look after Dirk?"

"Of course, love. We all will" Kerowyn did not protest that nothing would happen to Talia. She'd seen the same pallor in her mother's face. The endless trooping of healers in and out of the Keep.

She also remembered her father dying by inches. Closing his heart to his children, who could have shared (eased?) his pain after the death of his wife. Perhaps if his father had had friends that wouldn't have happened. Kero was afraid with Dirk, someone would need to stand between him and his daggers, if something happened to Talia.

***

Kris and Lyra met most days for lunch in the Heralds common room. Kris was now at the Healer's Collegium and it was not unusual for there to be green or red uniforms among the grey and white, given that Bardic and Healer often exchanged classes. In fact, Lyra and Kris shared a first aid class at Healer's.

"So where's your suitor?" grumbled Kris good naturedly.

"My...?Oh, do you mean Andrean?" Lyra smiled "He's hardly my suitor. He's got serving today."

"Seems like every time I see you, he's there. I might need to find out if his intentions are honorable." teased Kris loftily.

Lyra smirked and cleared her throat, "If his intentions were honorable, that would be no fun at all."

Kris felt himself surprised by a sudden flash of anger, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Lyra's blond eyebrow's went up, "Oooh, touchy. Worried that your sister might have a love life?"

"Well..." Kris' cheeks felt hot suddenly.

"If you're so concerned, why don't you ask him yourself?" She said irritably. "I'll deliver messages for Queen and country, not for you."

Two more Herald Trainees sat down with them and Kris didn't want to pursue the conversation in front of them. He resolved that he would call his sister's bluff. He would ask Andrean what his intentions were. Andrean wasn't a high born, he'd only been here a month. He might not understand what falling in love with the Heir could mean. It was a situation bound to cause trouble.

Lyra understood, of course. But under the influence of those lovely hazel eyes, she could very well throw caution to the wind. Kris knew that Andrean would never do anything intentionally to hurt his sister. His new Empathy Gift made it especially easy to read intention, but much accidental hurting could happen.

And every time he'd seen Andrean with Lyra, the boy positively radiated an ache of infatuation that Kris felt right through his shields.

So having resolved this, after afternoon classes were over, he wandered over to take dinner with his sister. Of course Andrean was there.

Lyra chatted her way through dinner with a distracted air. She knew what he was about, how could she not with their bond? They didn't share mindspeech, it was more like the Empathy he was learning to use. He shielded her mostly out though, expecting her to be angry and not wanting to hear it. Andrean listened attentively to Lyra's babble, while his eyes kept straying to Kris, looking concerned.

So, Kris was more than surprised when Lyra announced at the end of dinner, "I have a load of work to do in the library." then, she positively ran to escape them.

The boys were left blinking in her wake.

After a moment, Andrean said in his soft voice. "Lyra said you wanted to talk to me."

"Um, yes" said Kris "But could we go somewhere private?"

"Where ever you want, you know this place better than me"

"'Better than I'" said Kris automatically, "If you're going to move among the highborn, you might as well not mangle the language."

Andrean's eyes looked hurt. Kris felt his own stomach knot at the look. Kris was just trying to bring home to Andrean how many of the Rules he didn't yet know. How throwing himself into a romance with the Heir would just be courting hurt.

They were quiet until they got outside. Andrean's Companion, Del came frisking over. Kris considered asking the Companion to give them some privacy, but on the other hand, the Companion would likely understand what Kris had to say more than Andrean would. Kris greeted Del politely instead. "Hello, Del."

Del whickered and gave Kris a touch on the cheek with his nose. They headed down to one of the grottoes by the riverside. It was a lovely evening and there were many people moving about the Palace grounds. Kris really didn't want this conversation overheard.

They sat down on the stone bench inside. Del reclined just outside, like a large dog.

Andrean leaned against the wall, his face in shadow, "So, what did you want to say?"

"I wanted to talk about you and my sister."

"Lyra?" Andrean sounded surprised "What about her?"

"Andrean, you need to know that you can't court her. If you two have a relationship, well, she's the Heir...It would be complicated. I think you're a really wonderful person." That was the worst of it, decided Kris, he did think Andrean was wonderful, "I-I wouldn't want to see you hurt" Kris found himself a little tongue-tied, he stopped.

"Your worried that I'm after your sister?" Andrean said, as though trying to make quite sure he understood Kris.

"Well, every time I see her outside of classes, you're there...And...and my Gift is Empathy. I don't pry, but I can Feel how much you like her whenever you're together." Kris admitted, embarrassed.

Andrean laughed tensely, "I think you're mistaken." he looked at the wall opposite them rather than at Kris. Kris Felt Andrean draw a tight Shield around his thoughts and feelings. Kris hadn't realized that Andrean's Mind Speaking Gift was strong enough for him to have been tutored in Shielding.

"Andrean...its all right. I know I'm not mistaken, but you need to understand..."

Andrean suddenly looked at him again, "What does this have to do with you?" his face was perfectly controlled. Kris remembered Talia saying how Holderkin never let their feelings show on their faces, and Andrean was now so tightly Shielded that Kris couldn't tell if he was angry or what.

"Well...she's my sister. And the Heir."

"And is quite old enough to consent to a lover, or not." Andrean didn't say it as though he were angry, he just said it. He got up to leave, Del stood up too. Andrean reached out to put a hand on Del's neck, seemingly drawing comfort from his Companion.

Kris found himself feeling angry, and...he wasn't sure what. He stood up to follow Andrean, to give him a piece of his mind. He was just opening his mouth to tell this...farm boy...what he thought of him, when Andrean turned suddenly.

Kris stopped about two inches from Andrean. They were of a height, so Kris looked directly into Andrean's eyes, which had become soft and sad. "I'm sorry, I don't want to make you angry." said Andrean "You're right...I don't understand all the rules here"

Kris relaxed marginally.

"Its just that" Andrean's cheeks colored, "Its really not your sister I'm interested in."

"Not my sister..?" Kris said, he was missing something important.

Del made an impatient noise and walked away a little. Andrean said "Del said I should tell you my side."

Andrean sat back down, Kris sat with him, "You've both been really nice since I got here." said Andrean, "I really like your sister, just not that way."

"But..."

Andrean closed his eyes invoking patience "I was kind of hoping you wanted to talk about...well...us"

Slowly the truth crept up on Kris. Andrean went on "Lyra told me that you didn't want to have everyone know that you liked boys. I didn't know if you liked me and...I didn't mean to let things leak...turns out you could feel all that..." Andrean looked acutely embarrassed now.

"My sister says I'm really slow sometimes..." said Kris cutting him off. He scooted a little closer to Andrean. The roil of feeling he had when he saw Andrean with Lyra making more sense now.

Andrean smiled at him, shy again, "She told me that. She also said that people are odd here about 'special friends'"

"They're not where you come from?" asked Kris surprised. They were sitting side by side, almost touching. Both looking at their feet, rather than each other

"A man's expected to father children, but otherwise, who's to know or care? Mostly the women and the men live in two different worlds anyway." Andrean said.

"Huh. Well, sadly here, a lot of people are against it." said Kris glumly, "Worse yet, my father's from Rethwellan. They _hate _shaych. You should have heard some of the jokes they tell at Court..." Kris looked at Andrean sideways. Andrean returned the look.

"I like you Kris...I like you a lot. And as you're _not _the Heir..." Andrean said softly, he leaned closer and kissed Kris on the lips.

"I feel really stupid." said Kris when he got his breathe back.

"Yes, that's what Lyra said."

Del sat in the grass outside, looking rather smug.


	11. Chapter 11

Darren walked along the river, in the blue of the early evening. The moon was close to the horizon and a fresh wind was coming up.

Selenay was in a late audience, otherwise he would have liked to have her with him. There were quite a few people out here tonight, enjoying the late summer weather.

Idly he noticed one of the younger Companions playing guard at one of the grottoes. He'd noticed that one a few times in the last couple weeks. He knew that these grottoes were popular with trainees who wanted some discretion with their trysts. The Companion looked at Darren, seeing him in the shadows. Darren had the feeling that the Companion thought he was intruding.

He ducked back into the shadows, when he heard the occupant's footsteps walking out. not wanting to disturb the lovers.

His son Kris appeared first, smoothing his blond hair. Then holding his hand, a tall, curly haired girl in a trainee uniform. Darren held his breath. He had a sudden foreboding that this scene was not what it seemed. For one thing, he couldn't think of a girl among the trainees who remotely looked like this.

The girl turned to her Companion for moment and laughed in a decidedly un-girlish way. Then she—no _he_-- kissed Kris on the lips. Darren sucked in his breath harshly, when Kris returned the other boy's kiss with evident enjoyment.

The boys didn't see Darren, although the boy's Companion looked at Darren warningly.

Darren felt that he was a tolerant man. He had had shaych friends over the years. He knew that it was common among the Shin'a'in and the Tayledras. But that was their culture...anyway, most of the Tayledras were mages, so they could be allowed certain—eccentricities. And there were some among the Heralds, of course.

But, this..this was taking advantage of Darren's own son.

Darren had visions of that...unnatural creature...seducing his impressionable son. Surely--certainly, Kris had no idea what it all meant. after all the boy was only 17. He had no experience in the world...

Darren took two steps towards the boys' receding figures. He meant to rip the stranger boy's hands from his son and give that _creature _a thorough thrashing.

The ground was too soft for Darren to hear his Companion charging up behind him. Or perhaps it was the pounding of blood in Darren's ears. Jasan swerved at the last minute so that he shoved Darren onto his face and then danced around in front of him. Between Darren and the boys.

:Think that just once, Chosen.: Said Jasan, his mind voice cold and deadly calm. :Think it and _never _act on it.:

Darren got to his feet slowly, faced with his own Companion looking at him with eyes of blue ice, :Assuming, Del didn't kill you. Assuming I could stop him. Assuming I _tried_ to stop him...You would lose your Companion, your kingdom, your children, your wife and _then_ your life. In that order.:

Darren recoiled from his Companion's anger. :But..:

:That _creature _is a Herald-Trainee. Assaulting a Herald Trainee is _treason. _I would _repudiate_ you for assaulting an innocent boy. You would hang, _and_ _I would_ _watch_ _you_.: Jasan's eyes seemed to glow brighter with each word.

"What the hell's going on here?!" demanded a furious whisper. Darren looked over his shoulder and saw Kerowyn charging up on Sayvil, "And why am I supposed to be quiet?"

Jasan looked at Sayvil who snorted angrily, Evidently Sayvil told Kerowyn what was happening. She sagged on Sayvil's bare back for a moment.

Recovering, she jumped down and stood in front of Darren. "Right. Come on." she still kept her voice down. She took his arm to lead him the opposite way,

For a moment he resisted. The cold eyes of the Companions changed his mind. Kerowyn dragged him the long way to the salle, to avoid crossing the boys' path as they made their way back to their respective dorms.

Kerowyn didn't bother with a candle, she just filled both their mugs from the barrel of ale she kept out here, in her office. The fading twilight was sufficient as she took the mugs out to Darren who sat on the bench outside under the eyes of Sayvil and Jasan.

Darren looked like he had the night she'd turned down his offer of marriage. Like his world had been turned inside out.

"So...you want to tell me what the hell that was?" Kerowyn said, she remained standing.

"Kris was with..." Darren choked out, unable to go on, it seemed.

"Talia's nephew. Yes, I thought they were making eyes at each other."

Sayvil and Jasan had moved off, a little. Kerowyn had the distinct impression that Sayvil was comforting Jasan.

"You knew?"

Kerowyn snorted "You didn't?"

Darren drank his ale. "How long.. has he been like this?"

"How long have his eyes been blue?" Kerowyn asked rhetorically, "He had a little romance with a Skybolt recruit last winter."

"H-he what? Didn't you stop it?"

Sayvil's head went up and she moved back toward them :And what would you suggest she do? Beat it out of him?:

Darren heard that and winced. "But there must be something..."

Jasan glared at his Chosen, :Do you _want_ to know where that leads?:

A series of images flooded over Darren.

_A black haired boy opening his wrists on a white marble floor/a boy falling from a tower/a boy bleeding to death in the snow/a man looking for his own death._

And with the images were blackest grief and despair, broken hearts, tears that would not stop.

The sending stopped abruptly. Darren sat shaking.

Kerowyn gave him the rest of her mug of ale. "Grow up Darren, " she said unsympathetically, "The Companions don't care. The Healer's don't care. Selenay won't care. Lyra already knows. Elspeth and Talia will think it's sweet. That stupid Rethwellan prejudice is the only thing standing between you and your only son. And you and your Companion I might add." she jerked her chin at where Sayvil had gone to stand with Jasan again.

She realized she was feeling terribly bitter right now. Talia's illness had her thinking about her mother's death. "Do you know that half the reason my father never allowed Grandmother to help my mother was that he was convinced that Tarma and Grandmother were lovers? He let his wife, that he loved more than anything, _die _rather than ask for help from someone who might _possibly_ be _shechorne_." That might have been overstating it, but she didn't care right now.

She took a deep breath, sat down next to Darren. "The boy's been afraid of you finding out. He's no fool. He asked last winter if he could join the Skybolts if you couldn't cope. I'd have him, too. Especially now that the boy's going to be Healer"

Darren was quiet for a long time. Kerowyn went inside and refilled their mugs. She came back and sat with him again. He sat looking at the Companions, who stood with their heads together.

About halfway down his mug, he said "How did you know what was happening?" his voice was subdued.

Kerowyn shrugged. "Sayvil told me. And I've known those two have been together for a few days...they're not nearly as discreet as they think they are."

"So, who else knows?" Darren asked.

"Not that many people. Maybe some of the Healers, a couple of the Heralds teaching them."

"What should I do?" asked Darren

"Apologize to your Companion. Decide that your son is more important than narrow minded Courtiers. Let him know you think so." Kerowyn said firmly.

Darren sat silently for another long time, looking at Jasan and Sayvil in the moonlight. Distantly, from Companion's Field, harp song drifted over.

"I suppose I better make a start." said Darren draining his mug. He got up and walked over to Jasan and Sayvil. "Jasan?" he said softly. "Can we walk?" The Companion nodded, shook himself. Darren and his Companion walked off into the moonlight.

Kerowyn stayed at her seat. :Are they going to be all right?: she asked Sayvil.

:I think so. I'm glad you were nearby. With Talia not up to handling this sort of thing, it could have gotten...ugly:

"That wasn't ugly?" Kerowyn said out loud, shaking her head.

:No one was hurt. Darren and Jasan will work it out, Kris and Andrean will never know about it. We did not have to see the first repudiation in seven hundred years.:

Kerowyn swallowed, fearful "Would Jasan have really..?"

:He would have, if his Chosen had done what was in his heart, right then. And Selenay made assaulting a Trainee a treasonous offense when the war started. She _would_ have had Darren hung. I believe that it would have destroyed her.:

"I wish Eldan were home." said Kerowyn, lonely even with Sayvil standing near.

:When is he supposed to be back?:

"A week, perhaps two—Selenay sent him on some courier run. Nothing earthshaking. I just miss him"

**

Talia sat curled against Dirk and Rolan on a blanket in the Field. Jemmy was playing an impromptu concert for them and a small crowd of Companions. Rolan suddenly sat up a little, ears back. anxiety radiating from him. Two Companions shot off from the group. Rolan's skin shivered like he was getting rid of flies, then he settled back.

Rolan seemed satisfied with whatever was happening, so Talia was disinclined to inquire. If she wasn't so tired all the damned time, she might have resented the cosseting. As it was...

She woke out of her doze a little while later. Darren had come down to listen with Jasan, she noticed. Darren looked and Felt a little agitated, but Rolan very firmly sent her an image of herself resting.

She closed her eyes again and drifted on the music.

**

Widow Fletcher bent over her garden, pulling up weeds. She was a woman who thought much and talked little. As she grew older, this trait became more pronounced. Her late husband had thought this her most attractive trait, as some of her co wives were given to chatter. Perhaps he would not have thought so if he had known what unseemly places her mind went to.

Since the death of her husband, her sister-wives had either remarried or gone to live with their sons on their steadings. She, herself, was too old for remarriage. After the birth of her last child, she knew that her days of bearing were done. Now that child was gone and she was considering what to do next. She thought of taking to the Cloister of the Goddess. The difficulty was she had a sin on her soul that she had not the means to make amends for.

One of her son's Wives walked to the garden, looking most disturbed. Widow Fletcher had no patience for this one. She was a pretty face, but an empty head. "Yes, Ally?"

"Vrisa? There's a woman asking for you!"

"Aye? Does she look far gone?" She asked, without standing up. Widow Fletcher was known as a good midwife hereabouts, One of the reasons her son hadn't been anxious for her to remarry or take to the cloisters when his father died. Even the folk nearby who weren't Kin, sometimes would ask for her. They paid well, in Queen's silver.

Ally went red "Oh no, she's not here for that! She's a Herald. She says she has a message for you and she won't leave until she delivers it.

Widow Fletcher sat back on her heels, her heart leapt into her throat, "Tell her...tell her, I'll see her in the kitchen once I've washed."

Widow Fletcher walked to the water pump, washed her hands. She was unsurprised to see them shaking. The Goddess had taken another hand in her life, it seemed. She dried her hands her black breeches that she wore to garden.

She detoured to her room long enough to change into a gown seemly for meeting visitors. A dark brown, with a high collar.

She took a deep breath to slow her racing heart, before she walked into the kitchen. A woman Herald stood there, erectly, her feet shoulder width apart, with her hands clasped behind her back. A woman, in perhaps her fifth decade, (although it was hard to tell with Heralds). Tall, with silvering dark hair.

It was not whom she had expected. Or hoped for.

"Widow Fletcher?" she nodded, "You have a son Andrean?"

Widow Fletcher's heart jumped again "Yes, is he all right?" she said sharply.

The woman smiled a little, "Yes, he's fine. I'm sorry, but I'm to deliver this message to no one other than yourself." She looked pointedly at Ally who stood behind her.

"Come to my room, Herald." Widow Fletcher turned and led the woman to it, ignoring Ally's gasp.

"What's this about, Herald?" when she had closed the door.

"My name is Herald Keren. I have brought a message from the Queen." Herald Keren produced a scroll with a seal of silver and blue wax.

"I—What?" the Widow sat down on the bed, hard. She would have accused the Herald of lying, if the proof of it wasn't before her own eyes. She'd never seen paper or sealing wax like _this. _She broke the seal and looked at the beautiful letters written on the thick white vellum.

She recognized the letters of her name, but little else. "Would you...Would you read it for me Herald?"

The Herald took the scroll and read:

Widow Fletcher,

We send this message to you at a sad and difficult time. The Queen's Own, Herald Talia has been very ill. Although We continue to have high hopes for her recovery, it is quite serious.

It is known to Us that you are the sister to the Queen's Own, the mother to Herald Trainee Andrean and the mother to Guardsman Erec Fletcher. We also know that there has been estrangement between you. We hope that you might find it in your heart to heal this estrangement.

We request that you make a visit to Haven. To that end, We have sent Heralds Keren, Eldan and Neave to escort you.

Please understand, this is merely a request. If you feel that this is not something that can be done, then please, tell My Heralds and We will leave you in peace.

Peace of the Goddess upon you.

By My Hand and Seal

Queen Selenay of Valdemar

Widow Fletcher sat very quietly when Keren was done. Keren had been thinking of this since Andrean had turned up at the Collegium with the letter from Vrisa. Keren had sat with Talia that evening and had heard the whole story.

She had approached Selenay with the plan days ago. They had decided not to mention it to Talia. If it came to nothing, it was better she not know.

"You realize, Herald, if I leave with you, I'm Shunned."

"Yes ma'am" Keren had spoken to Andrean about his mother, trying to learn how she was situated and what she would be giving up.

Widow Fletcher sighed and looked about her room. "I had thought to take to the Cloisters, Herald. Do they have Cloisters of the Goddess in Haven?"

"Yes."

"Did..." Widow Fletcher's voice broke, she coughed and tried again "Did Talia ask for me..?"

Keren hesitated, "She doesn't know we're here. She was very pleased to receive you letter."

"I cannot enter the Cloister with sin upon my soul. Not one that I have the means to make reparation for. I will come, say what I must. If Herald Talia does not receive it, I will have still said it." she looked at Keren "I have your word that you will take me to a Cloister when I have finished?"

"I swear as a Herald, that I will take you anywhere you wish to go." said Keren fervently.

"You will have to help me pack."


	12. Chapter 12

_Talia heard voices. They were just on the edge of her hearing. She stood, overpoweringly drawn to the sound of them. _

_She padded through mist in bare feet. The light fell strangely, as though it were coming from around her rather than above. _

_Four Heralds sat on grass in the moonlight, talking. The Tall Herald was there and the gray haired woman, the other was a man of middle years with sandy hair, the fourth was a curly haired blond young man._

"_...think they'll be all right now." the sandy haired man said._

"_What about you?" the woman asked_

"_Truth? I feel just sick...If he had...If I..." he stopped, the woman patted the man's arm. _

_The Tall Herald leaned forward "I think it was a near thing, but you three took the best action in calling..."_

"_Milord?" the young man interrupted, he nodded towards Talia _

_The other three turned to Talia in surprise._

"_I'd better go," The young man said, he kissed the cheek of the gray haired woman, clasped the hand of the sandy haired man and melted into darkness._

"_I've seen you before." said Talia to the Tall Herald._

"_Yes, love." he wore a sad little smile. "Come sit with us, sister." _

_She sat down beside him, shivering a little in her bed gown. He wrapped his cloak around her shoulders so that it covered both of them._

***

Widow Fletcher was quiet and uncomplaining as she rode behind Keren on Dantris for the second day. They were taking the journey slowly in deference to Widow Fletcher's inexperience with long journeys.

Keren was unsurprised by her reticence, knowing what little she did of Holderkin. She was also unsurprised by the way the woman held herself, as though to prevent any betrayal of emotion. She wondered how she could draw her out.

This had seemed like a good idea, but now Keren was having second thoughts. The last thing Talia needed was a difficult encounter. Fortunately, at this speed, they had plenty of time to talk. Assuming Widow Fletcher _would_ talk.

Eldan and Neave rode a little ahead. Selenay had chosen Eldan to go because he had ridden the Southern Border circuit and knew the Holderkin as much as anyone did. Selenay had sent Neave because he had a kind of thought projection comparable to the Bardic Gift. He had a soothing presence and was not likely to frighten the woman they were sent to escort.

In truth, Widow Fletcher _was_ afraid. Keren could feel the tension in her body as Dantris' movements jostled them together.

The night before, they'd stayed at a Way Station. Eldan and Neave had discreetly slept outside leaving the station to Keren and Widow Fletcher.

She asked Keren nothing and only spoke to answer direct questions. She watched everything, Keren noticed.

:This is getting unnerving: she confided to Dantris, :I hope we're doing the right thing:.

:I think so, Chosen.: said Dantris :It Feels like the right thing:.

Eldan stopped for a moment letting Dantris catch up to Ratha. "There's an inn about an hour's ride ahead." he said politely to Widow Fletcher, "We can get a proper meal and stay the night there. Would that be suitable?".

It took a moment but the Widow Fletcher said, "Aye." her hands had tightened into fists on her thighs when Eldan spoke to her, Keren saw.

Eldan smiled graciously and inclined his head to them both.

When he had rejoined Neave, Widow Fletcher said very quietly, "I've never been to an inn before. Is it a wholesome place for a woman?"

"This one is quite respectable. And their cooking is much better than Herald Neave's." said Keren. Neave had done the cooking last night and this morning, because his was better than either Keren or Elden's.

"Herald Neave cooks just fine, for a man." said Widow Fletcher. Then she blushed, as if she hadn't meant to say that. She closed her mouth resolutely, and didn't speak again for the rest of the day's ride.

When they arrived at the inn, Eldan went to secure rooms and food for them. Neave offered his hand to Widow Fletcher to help her dismount. Widow Fletcher blushed a little and looked down, but she took the hand. Keren dismounted and and started pulling the saddle packs off of Datnris' saddle.

Keren had been surprised by how little Widow Fletcher had wanted to pack. She had almost expected that they'd need to buy a pack horse. But, Widow Fletcher had said she wouldn't need much in the Cloisters, so she only brought enough clothing for the journey and a bag of what looked like sewing. And the clothing had only been of the most practical kind.

She wore a riding habit in the Holderkin style, a dark brown skirt that was split to allow her to ride astride with a pair of loose black breeches underneath. Over that a shirt and tunic. She had several shirts to match the breeches and two over skirts. Her cloak in case it rained, and a pair of wooden clogs that would protect her riding boots from muddy fields were in her pack.

Eldan came back, "I've arranged rooms and food. I have to leave you for a couple candIemarks. I have an errand to the village. The stable master's asked me to go to the temple for a healer or a midwife. I'll be quickest."

Widow Fletcher looked up sharply, "You need a midwife, aye?"

"Yes," he said, surprised that she'd spoken to him.

"Well, you see her before you, Herald." said Widow Fletcher, "How long ago did the girl's pains start?"

"The stable master said a candlemark ago. But are you...?"

"Who do you reckon caught the babies of my three sister wives and my son's five wives?" She said sharply, "Let me see the woman, then." Widow Fletcher was on known ground now, Keren could tell.

They left Neave to care for the Companions. Eldan led them to the stable master's small cottage near to the inn. The man met them anxiously at the door, "Y'leavin, milord?"

Eldan smiled reassuringly, "I hadn't realized, but the lady we are escorting is a midwife herself."

"Oh, aye?" The stable master, a relatively young man, smiled with relief. "She's in there, Lady."

Widow Fletcher went into the cottage. Keren and Eldan stood with the stable master. She came back. "It'll be a long night. She's barely started." She looked at the Heralds, "Could you bring us some food, if you please? And my bag? Herald Keren, have you ever helped at a birth? The girl says her mother's too ill to come and the innkeeper's wife can't come until the dinner's finished."

"I've helped Healers" said Keren

Widow Fletcher sniffed "It'll have to do." she turned on her heel.

Eldan's eyebrows were creeping up to his hair and Keren stifled a laugh. :That was...different.: Eldan Mind Spoke to Keren.

:You get food, I'll get bags.: She told him in the same way, :And take that poor man for an ale: she nodded at the stable master who was wringing his hands with anxiety.

When Keren got back to the cottage, Widow Fletcher had shed her over skirt and tunic and donned one of the stable master's wife's aprons. The laboring woman couldn't have been more than sixteen. :C'mon lass" Widow Fletcher said to the girl, in the kindest voice Keren had yet heard her use "Let's get you on your feet. This is Keren and I'm called Vrisa."

Vrisa was right, the night was a long one. It was the womans first child, so her labor was bound to be long "With the first, the girl thinks the baby's going to fall out at the first pain." she said wryly.

"Companions are the same" smiled Keren, those were the births she was most familiar with. She grinned when she thought of many a Companion mare, who was stoic enough when it came to field injuries, turned to an anxious girl when she foaled.

"Oh, I never thought of that, Companions having foals." Vrisa said. They were distracted then by the moans of the laboring mother as she rocked back and forth in her pains.

Late into the night, Vrisa tucked the mother into bed to rest. The innkeeper's wife came in to help them. The mother was well into her travail now, with the pains coming close together.

Vrisa sat very close to the mother's face encouraging her in a monotone whisper. Keren found the whisper very soothing. In her mind she began to envision the waves of her childhood home on Lake Evendim. A swimmer could stay afloat in choppy waters by surrendering to the energy of the waves, rather than fighting. She could practically feel her body floating up over the crest of a wave and sliding down the trough.

She shook herself, thinking she'd dozed. The truth of it came to her when she looked at Vrisa intently focused on her charge. :Dantris?:

:Here: he said sleepily

:Do you sense a Gift here?: she opened her senses to Dantris.

:Ye-es.: he said slowly :Its not Healing, but its close. Empathy is part of it, not as strong as Talia's, obviously...something like the pain blocking some Bards have...:

:Huh:

Two hours after sunrise, a baby girl was born to the stable master's wife. There were tears on Vrisa's face as she gave the child to the mother, Keren was surprised to see. Vrisa saw her looking and ducked her head to wipe them away.

Keren went to get the men. The stable master was beside himself with happiness. Vrisa smiled for the first time since Keren had met her, as she helped the mother get settled with her new baby at her breast. Vrisa looked up at Keren with bright delighted eyes. Keren could see Talia in Vrisa's face.

"Well done, Widow Fletcher." said Keren to her as they walked back to the inn to finally find their beds.

"Call me Vrisa, Herald." Vrisa said shyly, "Seems foolish for you to call me aught else, since you've been calling me that all night."

"Then you must call me Keren."

They lost a day of traveling to the birth, but for Keren, it was worth the time. Vrisa was much more relaxed with Keren. She was still most formal with Eldan and Neave, but she spoke with more frequency and less fear to Keren.

The nightly contact Keren had with her twin kept her informed of the news about Talia. It seemed that they had decided to stop the treatments that had weakened Talia so. Devan had said they had caused some shrinkage in the mass. He hoped that if she could regain her strength, they could continue.

On the sixth day, Vrisa asked very hesitantly, "Keren? You haven't told me the tale behind my—Herald Talia's illness."

Keren told her the story as simply as she could.

Vrisa was silent for a long time, "Why do you send for me?" she asked finally.

"When Andrean came in with Del, Talia received your letter with great joy. I thought it might be a comfort to Talia if..." Keren stopped.

"Do you know Herald Talia well?"

"Yes, since she came to the Collegium.", Keren thought of the little bit of a thing Talia had been all those years ago.

Vrisa had fallen silent again, but Keren decided to risk prodding her a little, "Why did you write the letter?"

Vrisa hesitated and when she did speak, it sounded as if she were afraid she wouldn't be believed, "Because...because...Andrean's Companion...well...it was as if...he _spoke_ to me."

"Companions occasionally speak to other than their Chosen. If the need is great." Keren assured her, hiding her own surprise.

"But they _do_ speak?" Keren couldn't see Vrisa's face because Vrisa rode behind her. By her voice, this was evidentially something of a relief to the woman. "I thought I was going mad. I thought perhaps the Goddess was taking my wits as well..." she stopped as though she realized how much she was revealing.

"So, what did Companion Del say to you?" prompted Keren,

"He told me that he'd take care of my son. He said that I'd always known that Andrean was to be a Herald. He was right, but..."

"What do you mean?" asked Keren surprised.

"When a woman bears a child, she often dreams the child's future. When I bore my son, my brother Andrean came to me in a dream. He wore the garb of a Herald, he told me that he would return to me, if only for a little. Thats why I called my son after my brother." Keren felt the hair on the back of her neck rising.

"Talia never told me that Holderkin believed in Foresight." said Keren

"It's woman's lore. She left before she was taken to Wife. These are things you don't speak of to a little, who's never worn a long skirt." Vrisa said scornfully.

After a moment Vrisa continued, "I've thought of sending a message to—Talia-- before. The peddler folk tell stories of her, you know. I thought of sending one with them...but I didn't like it to go astray. And I just reckoned it'd be unwelcome. Andrean's Companion seemed to think...well, I thought I'd take a chance.. I did great wrong by her, Herald. She came to see me once, did you know?"

Keren remembered what Talia had looked like when she'd gotten back to Haven after that trip. It was the first time she and Sherrill had gotten Talia drunk. Talia had mourned her lost sister fully as much as she'd mourned Herald Jadus. But Keren only said "Yes.".

"I wasn't very old. Perhaps nineteen or twenty. Talia was so changed—she wanted to take me away from the Holding. I had three littles to think of and First Wife Estel had just died. I _couldn't _leave"

"I know that Talia never held that against you." said Keren slowly.

"I...said terrible things to her. Hateful things. That I knew would cut her up inside. "

"Vrisa...that was a long time ago."

"We lose more of our young people now. They run off to the Guard, or run off with a man, or just disappear. I haven't spoken my son, Erec's name in three years. I've had nine children. Six of them lived. Two of them Shunned. When someone is Shunned, they're treated as though they never were. It's wrong."

"You can't take the guilt of what your Kin do." Keren said.

"No." Vrisa said heavily, "But, we believe that when you recognize the sin, it becomes sin on your soul until you make confession to the wronged—I tried to make it right to Andrean. Perhaps I can speak it to Talia and perhaps to Erec as well."

***

When they reached Haven, Vrisa retreated into back into silence. Eldan and Neave, took the Companions to the Field so that Keren could take Vrisa to wash and change before meeting with Devan.

Keren took Vrisa to her own rooms in the Herald's wing. She knew that Sherril was already there, they'd been in mind contact most of the morning and Sherril was eager to meet Vrisa.

Sherril was waiting at the door, a tray full of food on the table behind her. She hugged Keren tightly. :Have you seen Talia, today?: Keren asked her

:Yes, she seems stronger than last week, thank the gods.: Sherrill had arrived home from her trip to Iftel. the prior week. Keren had kept Sherrill informed of Talia's condition, but seeing it for herself had been shocking.

"Vrisa," said Keren aloud, "This is Sherrill, my lifepartner."

Vrisa looked at Sherrill and then took in their rooms with her sharp eyes. "Sherrill." she said in the perfectly neutral voice Keren was beginning to recognize as fear.

Keren showed Vris where she could bathe and change. When she was through, they offered her food, but she seemed too nervous to do more than drink tea.

A little while after luncheon, There was a knock at the door. Vrisa started. Sherrill answered the door to Devan and Dirk.

Devan was not sure he was pleased with this plan. He was determined that Talia was not to be upset. He was not at all sure what he had been expecting, but it was not the stout, careworn figure who waited for him. He was surprised by the amount of pure fear she exuded and the iron control she exerted over it.

"Vrisa, this is Healer Devan, he's in charge of Talia's case. And this is Dirk, Talia's husband." said Keren, wishing she had Talia's power to soothe.

Devan and Dirk sat down on Keren's couch, opposite the chair Vrisa had stood up from. She retook her seat, sitting nervously on the edge of it.

"I just wanted to speak with you, a moment, before you met with Talia." said Devan as gently as he could, "She's quite weak and I don't want her upset."

"I'm no stranger to the sick room, Healer." Vrisa kept her eyes turned down to her lap, "I didn't come to do aught to grieve her."

Dirk and Devan looked at each other, a little at a loss, "Well, yes...she is stronger in the last few days, since we suspended the treatment. So I suppose, if you wanted to see her this afternoon, I daresay Herald Dirk could take you to her."

Vrisa's gaze flickered up for a moment, then she nodded.

"We'll come too," said Keren and was rewarded by seeing a tiny relaxation in Vrisa's posture.

"After his classes are done for the day, I know Andrean will be anxious to see you." Dirk said .

"Oh." A volume of longing was spoken in that one syllable, "_Could_ I see him? I-I wasn't sure it was permissible." For the first time, she looked directly at Dirk.

"Oh yes," smiled Dirk, "I also think we could arrange for your son Erec to visit Haven. Its the least we can do, after you've come all this way."

Vrisa smiled a little,"That would be lovely."

Dirk stood up and extended his hand to Vrisa. She looked at the hand, then at him. Very slowly, she took the offered hand.


	13. Chapter 13

As Dirk led Vrisa down to Companions Field, he found himself thinking of his parents. His father had died three years ago. His mother, two. They had not been a life bonded couple, but their long marriage had, perhaps, achieved the same effect. He had not been home for their deaths. His father had merely not woken one morning. After his father's death, his mother had slowly let go of her life, bit by bit.

His parents had lived to a fine age and he'd always thought to do the same with Talia, although a Herald's life was much more uncertain than theirs had ever been.

He looked sidelong at Vrisa as she walked along between he and Keren. He had not been sure of this, except that he'd seen Talia taking out her sister's letter and reading it at least once a day, as if she could divine further meaning from the words written.

Andrean often came down in the evening, after dinner, to visit for a few minutes. Talia talked to him at great lengths about the doings of the Holders, most especially her sister. It was as if she were feeding a hunger she had forgotten she had.

Dirk had asked her, some nights ago, when he'd first heard of what Keren and Selenay had planned if she'd ever like to see Vrisa again. She had been quiet a while, "I would, but I can't imagine how." she'd said sadly.

He wasn't sure how he was going to tell her, now, that Vrisa was here.

Elspeth was with Talia almost every afternoon. When Talia was awake enough, she went over notes of Court and Council business. Selenay often accompanied her, if schedules permitted. Dirk couldn't remember if Selenay would be there today. He didn't want poor Vrisa frightened to death by meeting the Queen within the first candle mark of arriving at Haven.

He sent down to Ahrodie to ask who was with Talia and if she was still awake.

:Elspeth and Darkwind. They're going over some business that Sherrill brought back from Iftel.:

Dirk relaxed a little, if Talia was going over messages, it must be a good afternoon.

Since beginning these treatments, Talia had not had any good days. In fact, she had had precious few good candle marks. It wasn't pain, so much, it was the all-consuming fatigue the treatments caused.

Since they had suspended the treatments, Devan had prescribed an unholy concoction of herbs as a tonic and insisted that she be fed red meat as often as she could keep it down. In the last ten days, Dirk had slowly seen Talia becoming more like herself.

Her nights were still restless, although the really terrible dreams seemed to have subsided. She still woke him up most nights, muttering and tossing. Sometimes she could tell him about the dreams, sometimes not. Devan said it was likely the result of the changes the mass caused in her brain.

Soon, they were at the Cottage (so called, because it seemed that a great many people couldn't bear to call the Queen's Own's current quarters a "shed"). Vrisa looked taut and frightened.

Rolan was just outside, as he often was when Talia was expecting visitors. He needed the time on his own sometimes, Talia said.

Dirk opened, the door. As Ahrodie had said, Elspeth and Darkwind sat with her. Talia was sitting on her couch, dressed in a lounging gown with a blue scarf covering her poor thin hair. "Dirk!" She said surprised, "you're back early.".

'I brought someone to see you." said Dirk. He couldn't think of a way to say it, so he just moved out of the way so Vrisa could follow him into the room.

"Hello, Talia" Vrisa said. in that flat tone. She held her hands clenched very tightly behind her. Dirk had seen Talia do that, when she was nervous.

"Vrisa..." gasped Talia, Dirk walked around to Talia's side. She reached over to take his hand with her own shaking one, "I...what are you doing here?" she said in the thinnest of whispers.

"Perhaps we should go..." said Elspeth, moving to get up from her chair.

"No need, Lady," said Vrisa with great dignity, glancing at Elspeth, "My folk believe, this is better done before witnesses." she cleared her throat, "I just wanted to tell you...we were wrong. I'm sorry."

Talia slowly stood up. Not taking her eyes from Vrisa's face, she crossed the floor and put her hands out. Vrisa took them, "I can't believe... I can't believe you're here." Talia whispered. Tears had started to trickle down both their faces.

"Oh, don't cry...You'll get me started..." sniffed Vrisa, then the two women were in each other's arms.

Keren and Sherrill stood by the door, grinning like fools, and Dirk felt like cheering. Darkwind and Elspeth were sitting quietly, trying not to interrupt.

'They said you were sick...and..." Vrisa was saying as she tried to get control of her tears.

Talia pulled Vrisa to the couch. "Come, sit with me." she was still unsteady on her feet. "Is this where you went?" she demanded of Keren through tears.

"Guilty." said Keren, coming into the room, now."But, we should leave you for a bit, love. Selenay is waiting for a report. We'll come back when there's a little less excitement."

She bent over to hug Talia, who whispered "Thank you."

Elspeth asked Dirk ,"Are you done with classes for the day? Darkwind and I can go over this later."

"Yes"

Elspeth and Darkwind both stood up and hugged Talia,leaving just the three of them.

Dirk closed the outside door behind them. He caught Talia's eye, giving her a questioning look and a nod toward the inside door. She nodded slightly.

Out loud, he said, "I've got some things to go over, why don't I take it into the other room?" Talia gave him her sweet smile.

With all the other people gone, Vrisa wilted with relief. "Mother of Us All," she said, "I-I never _guessed _how many people were here. The peddlers told me stories, but I never really believed them, I think."

"But...Vris...what are you doing here?" Talia asked for the second time

Vrisa looked down "I told you, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for how our folk treated you."

"Yes, but you'll be Shunned now..."

Vrisa smiled bitterly, "Not much more than I already was. I'm a widow, with two sons who've run off. My oldest son wanted me gone to the Cloisters the day Andrean left. He is too much like his father, that one."

"What did you do?"

"I told him I would go to the Cloisters when I was prepared, not before. I told him my husband was ten years dead, my father, twenty. He could compel me to do nothing" Vrisa paused "And I told him that he was not too big for me to take a strap to him." she sat back looking satisfied.

Talia stared, then she started laughing, "You didn't!"

Vrisa smiled, almost smugly, "Then we had three Heralds show up in the yard with an invitation from the Queen. I think the Wives and Littles will talk about it until the day they die. They came during the day, while the men were out from underfoot. Herald Keren helped me pack. I thought we'd be clean gone before Kay got back, but one of the boys had gone out to the field to get him.

We were out in the yard when he got back. He just started _ranting_ at Herald Eldan—I suppose he thought he was the one in charge --and Herald Eldan said, calm as you please, 'The Queen's Grace invites Widow Fletcher to visit her sister in Haven. She has agreed to come.' Kay looked like he'd swallowed a frog. Well, he tried to argue some more, but the Herald Neave reminded him that he held lands under the Queen's protection and sufferance. that put a civil tongue in his head."

Talia could picture Eldan and Neave doing just what Vrisa described and laughed again.

A knock came at the door. "Come in" called Talia.

It was Selenay. "I hope I'm not interrupting, too much." she said smiling, "Eldan told me your visitor had arrived and I'm afraid I didn't want to wait any longer."

"No. its fine." said Talia. She looked at Vrisa and decided to get it over with. "Selenay, this is my sister Vrisa Fletcher. Vrisa, this is Her Highness, Selenay."

"Her...?" Vrisa gasped and leaped to her feet. "oh my..." She would have knelt, but Selenay then was by her side and prevented her.

"I will be "Her Highness" at Court tomorrow. Right now, I am merely Selenay and I wanted to meet my friend's sister." She said gently. She took the seat opposite the couch, so Vrisa nervously sat again.

"I wonder, Talia, do you feel up to dinner with the family tonight?" asked Selenay. "I thought if you were, we could have dinner down here with Darren and I and the four children. Elspeth and Darkwind are otherwise engaged tonight, sadly."

"Oh, I would love that." said Talia,

"I'll have the arrangements made." said Selenay happily, "I'll leave you two to catch up for now.." She stood and gracefully let herself out.

"Talia...that was the Queen...I'm dining with the Queen?" Vrisa was shaking now.

"It'll be all right." Talia remembered her first days in the Collegium and knew how adrift Vrisa must feel.

Vrisa took a deep breath, "I'd hoped to see Andrean..." she said wistfully.

"Oh, that's what she meant...her two children, Lyra and Kris, my son, Jemmy and Andrean. The twins and Andrean have become pretty inseparable, as it happens. And Jemmy and her children have always been close."

**

Kris nearly experienced heart failure when a page brought a letter from his mother, in the middle of class.

Dear Kris,

Your Father and I are having dinner at the Cottage tonight, with Talia. We would like you to join us. Nothing formal.

By My Hand,

Mother

There was only one reason Kris could think of for all of them to be having dinner with Talia, sick as she was,

Darren had found out about his romance with Andrean. Selenay wanted Talia there to prevent bloodshed.

After class, he rushed to his room to wash and change. Nothing formal meant no court gear. He was almost sad about that, perhaps his father was less likely to cut his throat if he was wearing something expensive. He opted to wear one of his Healer Trainee uniforms to remind his father that he shouldn't strangle a Healer out-of-hand.

As he was walking across the Field, his worst fear was realized when he spotted Andrean on a bare backed Del making their way towards the Cottage as well. They stopped and waited for him, "Did we both get invited for dinner?" asked Andrean.

"Oh gods!" moaned Kris "We're doomed!"

Andrean and Del looked at him with expressions of surprise.

"Don't you see? Someone's told Father about us."

"So?" Andrean said, "I think you worry too much. Del says you're worrying too much, too. I think your father cares more about you than who you bed."

"Oh, what would you know?" Kris was beside himself with anxiety, "You don't have any family."

A hurt, closed look came into Andrean's face, "True enough." he said shrugging. Kris flushed, realizing how much he'd upset Andrean when he and Del did not offer Kris a lift, as they normally did. He wasn't sure what to say, that wouldn't come out wrong.

Well, if he didn't find himself shipped off to the Skybolts (or running off to them) in the morning, he'd make it up to Andrean.

The servants had brought out a large table, set it up on the grass under an awning. It looked like it was set for more than five of them. Good, the more witnesses the better. Maybe Darkwind and Elspeth would be there, they were bound to take up for him.

Andrean and Del arrived a little ahead of him. He heard Andrean gasp, then saw him slide off Del's back.

"Mother!" Andrean exclaimed, to a woman clad in dark brown clothes standing near Dirk and Talia. He took her hands, "What are you doing here?" Del looked back at Kris rather reproachfully before he moved off.

Lyra and Jemmy were already there, Kris realized. His mother and father were seated at the table. Kris was so relieved that he was not the cause of this little family conference, that he was quite giddy with it.

Andrean turned to Kris, "Mother this is..." he hesitated not quite knowing how Kris wanted to be introduced.

"Healer Trainee Kris" Kris supplied. He really didn't want to be "Prince Kris" these days and was grateful that Andrean had remembered. He took Andrean's mother's hand politely and gave her a courtly bow.

Andrean's mother's face didn't change, he dropped his shields a slight bit, unsure of whether he'd offended her. He Felt her nervousness and anxiety and his heart went out to her. Andrean had told him how different things were her from his home. "I am most pleased to make your acquaintance, Lady" he said with his gentlest smile.

Dirk caught his eye and gave him a wink of approval.

"Well, you've kept us waiting long enough, boys." said Selenay, beckoning them to the table.

"My apologies, Lady-mother, Lord-father." said Kris in his Court voice, feeling much more inclined towards eating.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Andrean sat next to his mother. They didn't speak all through dinner, except between the three courses, Kris noticed.

It was not a late dinner, fortunately. Kris was sitting across from Talia. Near the end of the meal, he looked up at her and realized abruptly that he could Feel how tired she was. "Talia?" he said quietly, "I think you should lie down."

She smiled at him "Can't fool you, can I? All right, I'll be good. Even the Trainee-healers want to order me around."

"Selenay?" Talia said more loudly,

"Yes, Talia?"

"I'm afraid I need to abandon my duty as hostess. Can you and Lyra see that Vrisa is settled for the night? I had someone bring down bedding and set her up in the other room. Could you make sure its all right?"

"Yes, of course."

Dirk stood up and helped Talia out of her chair and into the building.

The kitchen staff came to clear. "I have to leave you, as well," said Kris "I have studying to do."

Andrean stood up reluctantly, "I do to. If you're going to be here, I'll come down tomorrow evening, with my books." he said to his mother who smiled at him. "Would you like a lift?" he asked Kris, as Del walked up.

For a moment Kris was taken aback, thinking about what his father might think, then he shrugged mentally. He had often accepted the same offer from Lyra. He nodded.

It was starting to get dark as they road away from the Cottage. Kris said, "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. Andrean."

"Don't worry about it." Andrean pulled Kris's arms around his waist. Kris leaned his whole body against Andrean's back.

"We're not going to get much studying done, are we?" said Kris as he realized that Del had changed direction and they were heading further into the Field.

"I never said I needed to study, just that I had to leave. Mother was tired. And I was hoping we could talk for bit?"

"Talk?" said Kris.

"All right...maybe 'talk' wasn't the right word..."

**

Darren had found dinner to be rather instructive. He'd not actually seen Kris since the night he'd found out about he and Andrean. He'd never spent much time with Andrean. As he watched Andrean throughout dinner, he realized he liked the boy. If the boy had been courting Lyra, he would have been very happy.

He also saw the tense, furtive glances Kris kept giving him and realized that his son had been avoiding him. As Kero said, Kris was no fool.

After dinner, Selenay and Lyra went to make sure Vrisa had everything she needed. Jemmy went in to say good night to his mother. Darren asked one of the servants to let Selenay know he needed to check on some things and would see her up at the Palace.

At Darren's mental summons, Jasan came walking over from an apparent conference with Rolan. Darren had had several long discussions about this with Jasan over the past few days, Jasan opined that his relationship with his son would never be right until the whole thing was out in the open. Darren didn't want to confront Kris so, with the collusion of Andrean's Companion, he could do this indirectly.

He followed the boys at a distance, until they went into Companion's stable. It was a nice evening, so the Companions in residence were out enjoying the weather. He counted to one hundred, then he and Jasan "casually" sauntered in.

The boys were standing in the center hallway. Clearly, Andrean had seen to Del's comforts before going off to enjoy himself. They were facing each other, holding hands. As Darren walked through the door, they kissed.

The sound of Jasan's hooves on the wood of the floor made them look up. Kris went white when he saw who it was. He took an unconscious two steps forward, to get between Andrean and his father. He looked at Darren with his jaw tight and the glint of battle in his eyes.

"Hello, lads." Said Darren, as he walked towards them. Kris kept his eyes on Darren's. "Nice night. Don't stay up too late...You both have classes." As he passed by the deeply confused Kris, he smiled. And winked.

He and Jasan walked into Jasan's stall as if that had been their destination all along.


	14. Chapter 14

_He had gone mad. She should have known...should have realized, If anyone died, it was her fault. _

_Her fault._

_She raced down the darkened road, searching...there...He was there. _

_They were too late...He'd already summoned those (her mind sheered away from naming them) _things_. A glowing gap in the hedgerow showed her where He'd gone. _

_Her heart was broken. There was nothing else to be done, but minimize the damage. _

_Others came behind her. She could buy them time. There would be no innocent blood spilled tonight. There would be death, but it would only be hers..._

"_Sister."_

_The voice caused the road and the fear to blow away like smoke._

_Talia stood in an insubstantial mist, The Tall Herald stood in front of her. "Oh...Its you." she said confused._

"_You're dreaming, again." He said gently._

"_Are you a dream?"_

Talia woke with a start, to early morning light. Rolan lay in his place, looking at her. She felt a warm pulse of love from him.

The first winds of autumn were blowing out of the west, this morning. She could smell their scent through the open window. It was past the autumn equinox. Last night's rain was giving way to one of those lovely mornings, where everything looks washed clean.

Dirk was already up. She could hear him talking to Vrisa in the inside room. She stretched and crawled out of bed, herself. Rolan stood to give her his support.

She opened the inner door. Vrisa was pouring hot water from the kettle. Dirk sat at the desk they'd put in the corner. He stood, walking over to her to give him his arm. "Good morning, love." he said, kissing her.

He helped her to the bench by the table. "Sleep well?" he asked.

"The same," she sighed, "I just keep dreaming of storms and looking for...someone. And people I don't know, but feel like I should. It's not very restful."

Dirk rubbed her shoulder in sympathy.

Vrisa brought over a tea pot and cups on a tray. Someone had already brought over bread, butter and honey from the kitchens. Vrisa cut the bread and put a fair amount of honey and butter on a slice. "You, get that down you, Talia." she said handing it to her.

Vrisa had made herself at home in the Cottage, at Talia's request. Selenay had had Vrisa presented at Court a week after arriving. "I don't want any misunderstanding about her status." Selenay had said. Elspeth had brought down a Court dressmaker to make up a court gown for her.

The dressmaker had done a fine job of making her a court gown of dark grey velvet with brown trim that was modeled on some of the riding clothes Vrisa had come in. Elspeth had, thoughtfully, had the dressmaker make up some everyday clothing that Vrisa could be comfortable in.

Elspeth had forestalled Vrisa's concern about "being beholden"by explaining that no one had ever been able to claim the Privilege Tax for Talia. The stipend that a family could claim for a Herald when they received their Whites. It was the recompense for the economic loss having a family member Chosen could cause. Most often claimed by parents of a Chosen, Occasionally by a spouse. No one had ever claimed it for Talia, so now it went to Vrisa. She could also claim it for Andrean when he received his Whites.

Talia knew that Selenay would have Vrisa installed at the Palace whenever she asked, but she suspected the Cottage was more in keeping with Vrisa's comfort. And it could not be disputed that Vrisa took very good care of she and Dirk.

"Sherrill's going to come down, this morning." said Dirk, "And Elspeth for a while. And I think Teren."

"Your pardon, Dirk." said Vrisa

Dirk looked at her, Vrisa never would speak to him without seeking permission first, "Yes?" he said courteously.

"Why do you need to keep Heralds here? I know they must have other duties."

Talia sighed "Because the Healers are afraid that if I had another fit, I might hurt someone. My Gift can be used as a weapon and the last time, I could only recognize Heralds as friends. Poor Darkwind got the brunt of it last time, but I even struck at Devan. If a Herald gets caught in my nightmare, their Companion can pull them out of the vision. That's the reason I'm living down here. I need to be close to Rolan."

"Ah" said Vrisa"I still don't gather what all this talk of Gifts is. You know best."

A knock came from the outside door. "Come in, Devan."called Dirk.

Devan came in, "How are you, this morning?" asked Talia.

"I'm well." said Devan, "More to the point, how are you?" He sat down on the bench next to her.

"Tired" said Talia.

"Hmm. Dreams, still?" Devan had that oddly unfocused healer gaze, as if looking through her.

Talia nodded. Devan put his hand to Talia's forehead and concentrated, "Hmm" he said.

"Devan, don't 'hmm' at me." said Talia "It's not a reassuring sound." she smiled to take the edge off the words"

"I think I'd like Healer Myrrid take a Look at you sometime this week again." Myrrid was a healer specializing in the treatment of brain injuries.

Dirk looked at him sharply, "Any problems?"

"I don't know. Hopefully, I'm starting at shadows," Devan smiled at Talia for the same reason, "How are the headaches?"

"Not too bad. I've had to take a pain potion once or twice this week, but not more."

"Don't be afraid to take them, if you hurt."

"I know."

Vrisa set hot tea down in front of Devan, following it with a plate of bread and honey.

"Thank you, Mistress Vrisa." said Devan, warmly, "By the way, Keren told me you were a midwife?"

Vrisa's cheeks colored a little, at being addressed by the Healer, "Yes, I am."

"I would be interested in speaking with you about that. We have a midwifery school at the Healer's Collegium. Perhaps you'd like a tour?"

"A whole school?" Vrisa said surprised, "I'd be interested in knowing what you teach."

"I can certainly arrange that, Mistress. If you'd like, I could take you over there this afternoon."

"Oh," she looked uncertainly at Dirk and Talia.

"No reason why not." said Talia gently, realizing that Vrisa wasn't sure whether she should ask someone for permission.

"Then, yes!" said Vrisa sincerely.

"Oh, and Talia..." said Devan, turning back to Talia "Healer Marc has finished his assessment of Kris. He says that Kris is likely a pure mind healer. He has some capacity in pain blocking, but his Gift is more generally directed toward the mental and emotional. If you are feeling up to it, we'd like to have you do some tutoring of him."

"It would be nice to have something constructive to do." admitted Talia.

Devan smiled brightly, "Its good that you feel well enough to feel that way." Devan stood, "I'll ask Healer Myrrid to come see you. Mistress Vrisa, I'll come down after luncheon to escort you." .

That afternoon, Talia and Elspeth sat outside with Vrisa,while she waited for Devan. Vrisa was working on a piece of embroidery while she waited. She held up some thread to check the color in the sunshine.

"May I see what your working on?" asked Elspeth.

"Oh, aye." Vrisa held up the square in its hoop. The piece was beautiful, Three miniature Companions made their way through a tiny field that was filled with flowers.

"Oh, this is lovely" said Elspeth, admiringly.

"Thank you," said Vrisa, shyly, "Its for my Journey-cloth"

"What's that?"

"Oh, its--" Vrisa seemed a little tongue-tied "When things happen in a woman's life, she often embroiders them, to keep the memories. You put them together on a sort of patch-work quilt."

"Holderkin don't hold much with writing journals I suppose..." said Elspeth, seeing that the question made Vrisa uncomfortable, but unable to fathom why.

At that moment, Devan made his appearance, so Vrisa put her embroidery away.

"Did I say something wrong?" Asked Elspeth. after they'd gone

"No" said Talia, "But,I think, perhaps she was afraid that it was unlucky to talk about with me sick. A Journey-cloth is what Holderkin bury someone in, like a shroud. Often a woman will embroider her whole life on it just so she can take the memories with her to the Havens." she paused, "Assuming she can embroider."

"That's either really beautiful or rather unnerving."

"If it were my embroidery, it would be unnerving." smiled Talia.

**

Dirk was back from his duties before Vrisa came back from the Healer's Collegium. When they came back, she was deep in conversation with Devan and carried three books.

"So when there's too much blood, what do you use?" Devan was asking her.

"Well, if the mother can swallow and I've caught the afterbirth, I take a snip of it" Vrisa held up finger and thumb to illustrate a very small object. "and put it under the mother's tongue. The womb clamps down hard on the bleeding."

"Now why..?"

"Stands to reason—a cat or a dog eats their afterbirth. The Goddess provides, after all. Of course, better, is to prevent the bleeding. Blue and black cohosh during the labor and not letting the mother hunger or thirst." Vrisa replied "I like my women to come to me before they're alaboring, so I can get a look at them. Many times the trouble in labor can be prevented."

Talia sat at the table and Dirk was getting plates out of the cupboard when Vrisa and Devan came in. Vrisa looked horror-struck.

"Oh my. Dirk, let me.." she started.

Dirk smiled and waved her away, "Its fine. You sit. I brought enough over for four of us, if you'd care to join us, Devan?"

"I would, please." Devan said "Anything you need help with?"

"No, no, it's all done."

Vrisa couldn't yet bring herself to talk while she ate, but she listened closely to what everyone said, Talia noticed.

After dinner, Devan reluctantly stood to leave,"I'll say good night, but please consider what we discussed, Vrisa. I think you could do much good."

"What was that about?" Asked Talia.

Vrisa seemed to be thinking of something else. She was looking at the three books she held on her lap. "Talia," she said hesitantly, "Can you teach me to read?"

"Of course, Vrisa." Talia said surprised.

"Devan told me that any woman in Haven can come to the Collegium when they need a midwife and that the Queen pays for it. But, that they're always short of midwives—the students go back to their own villages or they only take patients who can pay. He said, I could work there—he said that perhaps I could even _teach. _He said that I have one of these Gifts, and I shouldn't let it waste." She held up the books Devan had given her, "I didn't like to tell him I can't read."

Talia and Dirk exchanged startled glances. "What Gift?" asked Dirk with interest.

"Oh, he said that its like the Healing Gift, but not as strong. He said a lot of midwives have it—He said a lot of things I didn't understand actually," She blushed, "But I didn't like to make him explain."

Vrisa looked a Talia, "All I ever wanted to be was a midwife, from the day you were born, Talia. Bessa died because there was no midwife. I never forgot Isrel and Keldar washing the blood out of the sheets. There seemed to be _lakes_ of it. I was only five myself, but I remember thinking that it just didn't need to be." She shuddered

"Keldar and Father married me off to Old Fletcher because First Wife Estel was a midwife. She died of that fever, so I took over. I've never lost a mother, and I've lost few babies."

She looked up at Talia from the books in her lap, "Keldar didn't expect you to live. I was hanging about outside the bedroom like I always did, and Keldar handed you to me. She told me to keep you warm and if you cried, to take you to one of the Wives who had a nursling. Otherwise, you were mine, but I shouldn't get too disappointed if you died. I spent that night telling you to live, It was as if you couldn't decide." Vrisa smiled, "When it became clear that you would live, Keldar gave your care over to Isrel, but I still thought of you as mine."

Talia didn't know what to say. There was a lump in her throat. Dirk covered Talia's hand with his "I think, " Dirk said a little thickly "That all of Valdemar, me especially, owes you a great debt."


	15. Chapter 15

As the autumn drew on toward Sovvan, Dirk found himself by turns both melancholy and strangely happy. Talia grew stronger and enjoyed the company of her family, but she felt the time was borrowed. As much as Dirk wanted to deny it, so did he.

There was no question of her returning to her duties. Rolan still felt that their Bond was too unstable for her to be away from him. To be fair, at the moment Talia was not needed. Elspeth was doing a good job taking care of the routine things. If Selenay had to have Talia's advice, it was simple enough for her to come seek it.

Jemmy had decided to winter in Haven this year. He told Dirk that he needed the time to work on his Masterwork. The real reason went unspoken between them.

Most days, Dirk lived in the moment. A Herald's life was always uncertain, so a Herald always appreciated the moment.

"Herald Dirk?" Asked an unfamiliar voice, interrupting his thoughts. Dirk looked up to see a young man in Guard blue standing at the classroom door as his students filed out.

"Yes." said Dirk, "Are you Erec Fletcher?" he'd gotten a message this morning that the man had checked in at the Palace Guard Barracks. This young man had Vrisa's pointed chin and brown eyes.

"Yes sir. They said I should meet with you." Plainly, Erec was a trifle baffled.

"Yes, please come in." Dirk smiled, indicated that Erec should sit down in one of the vacated chairs, "You have a brother Andrean?"

"I had a brother by that name..." said Erec cautiously.

"He's been Chosen. We try to make sure trainees are able to keep family ties as much as possible, but in the case of Holderkin..."

"It's _not_ possible" finished Erec flatly.

Dirk grimaced, "Well, yes."

Erec still had the Holderkin habit of hiding his feelings, but Dirk could see he wasn't much pleased. "We'd hoped you would want to see the lad." Dirk said, carefully, not sure what Erec thought.

"Oh I do!" Erec exclaimed, his face clearing, "But, a Herald...that's a damned dangerous job."

Dirk relaxed, members of the Guard often had a better idea of the dangers Heralds faced--and shared with them. "Says, the Guardsman." he said ironically

Erec smiled "I suppose, I don't have much room to talk. I haven't seen him since he was twelve."

"I also should tell you, the reason we didn't explain it in the message we sent, is that its a little complex. You know that the Queen's Own was Holderkin?"

"I'd heard the stories." Erec said dubiously

"Well, they're true. And your mother is her sister." Dirk waited while that sank in.

"I'm related to the Queen's Own?" Erec said looking stunned, "Anything else?"

"Your mother's here."

Erec looked hard at Dirk, as if he thought Dirk might be joking.

"Come on," sighed Dirk, "I'll take you down to see them." Dirk sent down to Ahrodie to ask Del to ask Andrean to meet them at the Cottage.

Jemmy, Andrean and Kris (those two boys were never apart, it seemed) sat outside the Cottage, talking amiably. They all looked up when Dirk and Erec approached. Andrean stared, then gave a whoop, leaping up and throwing himself at his brother.

Vrisa opened the door scolding "Andrean! Talia's asleep! Don't you wake...Oh. My." She stopped, seeing Erec. He went to her and took her hands.

"Why don't we take a walk, lads?" said Dirk to Kris and Jemmy.

Both boys (although Dirk realized suddenly, that Jemmy was the same age as Erec and Kris could hardly be called a boy either), grinned and nodded. "Vrisa, who's with Talia?" he asked before they wandered off.

"Elspeth. She said she had some papers to catch up on and no one will bother her if she's here." Vrisa replied.

"Have you eaten?"

"Aye."

"I'll go get my dinner in the Common room then." he said.

The three of them walked back up to the Palace. "How're you doing, Papa?" said Jemmy softly.

"All right"

Kris and Jemmy exchanged a look, "No, I mean really."

Dirk sighed and smiled sadly "Worried."

"Me too." said Jemmy, giving his father a one armed hug.

**

Elspeth was tired and irritable. This had been going on for some days now. The stress of being surrogate Queen's Own was perhaps telling on her. More, stressful though was Talia's illness. Talia was as much her mother as Selenay—meeting Vrisa had been a little like meeting a long lost relation.

She'd made it a regular practice to come down in the afternoons to sit with Talia. Talia often napped for an hour, so it was time she could count on as being quiet.

She had had Erec reassigned to Haven's outpost for the winter. He had no objection and it seemed a little enough thing to do.

Kerowyn and Eldan were wintering with the Skybolts again this year, and they were taking Lyra and her year mates. It was becoming regular practice that Herald trainees spend a winter with the Skybolts. Elspeth would miss Kerowyn awfully this winter, they had spent a great deal of time together, since Talia had become ill.

She put down the papers she was attempting to read. Talia and Rolan both slept. Talia was mumbling in her sleep, her hands twitching restlessly. She gasped, sat bolt upright with her eyes wide and frightened.

"Talia?" said Elspeth, worried

Talia was shaking from head to foot, so hard that the bed shook. Elspeth went over and sat on the bed with her, She put he arms around her. "Talia?" Elspeth didn't think Talia was actually awake yet. Talia put her head onto Elspeth's shoulder, after a moment she sighed and relaxed. Elspeth laid her back down. No, she hadn't really woken at all.

Elspeth was feeling downright odd. She reinforced her own shielding, but it didn't seem to help. :Gwena...?:

:Yes?: Gwena answered

:I don't feel right. Am I getting it off Talia?:

:No.: Gwena said slowly

A wave of nausea engulfed Elspeth. She bolted from the room to the privy, past a startled Vrisa who followed her.

After her stomach emptied, Elspeth felt better. Vrisa was there with a cold wet cloth. "There now," said Vrisa "Better?"

Elspeth nodded, came out into the other room. "I'm all right now." she said.

"Hmph, with some women, the sickness isn't just in the morning, you know. How were you last time?"

"Last time, what?" asked Elspeth confused

"Last time you were pregnant?"

Elspeth stared at Vrisa "I've never been pregnant."

"Well, you are now." Vrisa looked at her more closely, "Is that good news or bad?"

"Its good...I just didn't think I'd catch so quickly." Elspeth replied stunned, she'd only stopped taking the healer's powder two moons ago.

"What am I missing?" Talia came in from her bedroom.

Elspeth turned to her, eyes aglow, "Vrisa thinks I may be pregnant."

Talia caught her in a tight embrace. "Congratulations!"

**

_Talia wandered through Companion's Field on a moonlit night. Someone walked beside her. It was the Tall Herald. "This is no way for a Herald to die." she said angrily._

"_Is there any good way?" He asked._

"_But I'll leave so many people..."_

"_I know."_

Talia jerked awake. For a long time she stared into the dark. After a while she fell asleep again.

**

Sovvan passed and Talia's headaches became more frequent. They talked of restarting the treatments, but Talia was reluctant. She couldn't bear how dreadful it made her feel.

Her long absence from the Court was a cause for some gossip. Selenay said that it was not a problem. People would be much more interested in Elspeth's pregnancy when she began to show.

Vrisa spent many afternoons and evenings at the Healer's Collegium. It was a source of deep satisfaction to Talia to see her sister blossoming so.

Kris was coming by for tutoring two or three evenings a week. Kris seemed much easier these days, much more comfortable in his own skin. She was glad his Gift hadn't come on him early, as hers did. She was more than glad that he was at Healer's and had learned to properly shield from the beginning.

"So, what's the difference between someone who goes mad from an experience verses someone who doesn't?" Kris asked her, during on of their sessions.

"I'm not altogether sure." said Talia, "Some people are probably more resilient from the beginning. If a person is trapped or imprisoned, they're likely to have a harder time than someone who was able to act. And everybody has things they can't bear to think about—losing a loved one is generally worse than being injured yourself. And of course if the loved one shares a bond like a twin bond or a life bond..." she stopped at the cold chill the words gave her.

Kris was looking at her with huge eyes, "I'd be in serious trouble if something happened to Lyra."

"You see, then. If something were to happen to one of you, the first thing we'd do is have a mind healer talk to the other."

Kris looked like he wanted to say something but was afraid to, "What are you thinking?' Talia asked.

"Just that...If the Shadow Lover comes courting you, will Dirk follow?"

If Kris were just a year or two younger she wouldn't have answered that. She may have even told him not to worry about her, she'd be fine. But she knew that his Empathy was keen enough that he was well aware of how depleted she was, Perhaps better than anyone, outside of the healers who saw her daily.

She looked at him steadily and said, "I think he might try." she closed her eyes for a moment, "Ahrodie would help him stay, but I think it would be hard. "

Kris nodded somberly, Talia decided it was time for a change of topic, "I notice you and my nephew spend a great deal of free time together."

Kris' blush was enough answer. Talia grinned, "I hope you manage to get _some_ sleep." He blushed even more, if that were possible.

"I think I love him." Kris confessed, "In a way, its like with Lyra—I feel like when we're together, every thing's right with the world. Elspeth told me to not get too attached to one person, but I can't imagine wanting anyone else. Darkwind said the same thing—I think he thinks I'm too young to know who I want. "

Talia looked hard at Kris, "Well, I don't think there's an age limit on love," she said slowly, "But, you know how hard it is to love a Herald."

Kris looked at her with sad eyes, "I'm not sure I knew before I started at Healer's. I'm not sure even Lyra or Andrean know. Heralds get brought in every other week with something traumatic. Even with all our borders at peace, they still find ways to throw themselves at danger, then try to get us to fix them as quickly as possible so they can do it again."

"Spoken like a true healer."

Kris smiled at that. "So, what do you do with a broken life bond?" he asked going back to the earlier point.

"You try to give them an anchor in the world. It helps if they have other strong ties—it's also possible to life bond a second time, unlikely as that sounds."

"Like a Herald getting Chosen again after his Companion dies?" Kris asked.

"Yes, or a Companion Choosing again after their Herald dies." Talia glanced at Rolan.

"I didn't know they did that!" Kris said surprised.

"Sometimes," said Talia, "The Grove-Born always does." Rolan had his eyes closed and Felt profoundly sad.

Kris stared at Rolan, Feeling it right through his shields—Rolan noticed their scrutiny. The Feeling was cut off abruptly, Rolan got to his feet and gently touched Talia's cheek with his nose. He pushed the outside door open and took himself out for a walk.

"Talia," Kris said very seriously, "Mother's been telling the Court that you're getting better." He took a deep breathe, "It's not true, is it?"

Under Kris' direct gaze, she was unable to be less than honest. "No, Kris." she rubbed her chilled arms, "The treatments Devan was giving me were never meant to cure me. Just...buy me more time."

"Did they?" Kris asked in an undertone.

She shrugged. "I really don't know."

It was several nights after this, that he noticed Talia wincing away from the light of the lantern. "Talia? Are you having another headache?" he asked her.

"No...I just feel really odd." She was sitting in the chair by the window. Kris looked at Rolan whose eyes were wide and alarmed.

:Bring her here!: An insistent voice said in Kris' head. Rolan jerked his head, beckoning him over.

Startled, but wasting no time, Kris helped Talia out of her chair. Halfway across the floor she staggered and passed out. Kris dragged her the rest of the way. Dirk came in from the next room, practically pulling the door off its hinges in his haste. "Ahrodie's outside" he said, "Can you take her and go get Devan?"

In answer, Kris turned and ran from the room to the waiting Companion.

Talia felt as though the ground had fallen from beneath her feet. Kris had helped her from her chair, then the world just fell away. And then, darkness and and she was alone...

"_Not_ this time, I think." said a a familiar voice. Talia opened her eyes to see the Tall Herald, leaning over her. He held her hand and pushed a piece of hair out of her eyes with his other hand. His blue eyes were concerned.

She stared into those blue eyes and had the sensation of falling again. She knew those eyes...

"_Rolan_ ?" She blurted out, in a thunderclap of recognition.

His half smile looked a little chagrined, "Yes, little sister."

"But--"

"Shhh. Be calm, love. Devan's coming." he was sitting with her head in his lap.

"What's happening? Am I dying?" curiously she wasn't afraid. She found herself thinking how odd it was that she suddenly had enough hair to need it pushed out of her eyes.

He looked around them, "No, I don't think so." he sighed.

"Where am I?" she asked. They seemed to be sitting in that mist she remembered from her dreams.

"The Shin'a'in and the Tayledras call it the Moonpaths. When I was young, they it called the Dreamtime. Everyone seems to have a different name for it " He settled more comfortably against whatever he was leaning against.

"How did I get here?" She started to struggle to sit up. He helped her to sit up slowly so that they faced each other.

"I brought you." He said simply.

"Why?"

He sighed, "Because whatever's happened in to your brain disrupted our Bond. I couldn't reach you any other way. I couldn't let you--" he stopped as if in pain, "I couldn't leave you in that place again."

"I don't understand."

"What's the last time since you were thrown into the river that we haven't been inside each other's minds?" He asked.

Talia searched her memory. Their bond was so strong and had such distance. Slowly the answer came to her. "Not since Ancar..." she looked at him horrified, "Thats why..."

"Yes, love. We haven't been out of contact in close to thirty years, waking or sleeping, save for that." he looked pensive, "You went there because your mind needed an explanation for why I was gone. I brought you here, instead."

"It doesn't hurt this time." She said, wonderingly putting a hand to her head.

He looked sad again, "I wish that were good news."

Far away Talia heard a voice calling her. "Dirk's calling you." said Rolan, "We can go back now, I think Devan's done."

Without transition, Talia opened her eyes to a stricken Dirk, her head hurt and the light was dim. She lay in the straw leaning against Rolan.


	16. Chapter 16

Devan had seen his share of of recovery from hopeless situations. He'd also seen many patients, who should have been saved, die.

He sat at the table in the Cottage considering what the next steps should be. He was deeply tired, so he planned to sleep in the extra bed in the Cottage. It had taken the better part of a candle mark to reassure himself that Talia's fit was not due to more bleeding. It appeared that the mass had grown large enough to cause fits on its own merit.

Vrisa handed him a mug of hot, sweet tea. She'd given some to Dirk a little while ago, then talked Dirk into lying down with Talia. Dirk was asleep so fast that Devan suspected Vrisa of dosing the tea. "Am I going to fall asleep on my nose, if I drink this?".

She smiled grimly, "Not if you drink from that mug. But, you should try to sleep soon."

"I will. I'm just too wound up for the moment."

Vrisa nodded understanding.

"How is it with you?" Devan asked Vrisa.

Vrisa had picked up her knitting and sat across the table from Devan, not looking at him. She shrugged.

They sat quietly for a very long time, it seemed. She knitting, he contemplating his cup.

"Healer..?" she said finally, Devan looked up at her. She still wouldn't look him in the eye, nor would she address him by his given name, "Has...has a Companion ever spoken to you?"

"Yes. Just recently as a matter of fact. Most disconcerting sensation." He told her, wondering where the question was going.

"Andrean's Companion spoke to me. When he was Chosen." The rhythm of Vrisa's knitting seemed to get just a bit faster. "He said that I would not have another chance in this life to make it right with Talia. He said that Talia would be Called very soon." She stopped, pressing her lips together as though to keep herself from crying. She swallowed, "I didn't want to believe it."

Devan had been trying to procure a miracle for the last five months, but he was beginning to believe that it was not going to happen. Vrisa was saying that the _Companions_ didn't believe it was going to happen either.

Vrisa shut her eyes and stopped knitting. She covered her face with one hand. Instinctively, Devan stood and walked around the table, sitting down next to her. Without giving her time to evade him, he took her in his arms. She pulled away for a moment, but then she relaxed against his shoulder. They'd spent quite a bit of time together over the past three months. Both here at the Cottage and at the Healer's Collegium. Devan knew that she trusted him as much as she could trust any man.

Quietly they both wept.

Much sooner than Devan would have liked, Vrisa took a deep breath and pushed herself away, wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry, Healer." she said

"Vrisa..." Devan was wiping his own eyes and for once she was looking at him. His heart gave an unaccustomed lurch as she did so. "Please, call me Devan."

She dropped her eyes,"Devan."

"I think...I need that sleep you spoke of." he said, but he made no move to get up. He noticed her hair had come down out of its knot and very gently touched it. She looked back up at him. Slowly she touched his cheek, her hand shaking. She drew back, her cheeks red. He Felt her uncertainty. He kissed her lips. Felt a flash of fear laced with desire. "I think we both need sleep." he said.

She nodded. She stood quickly, gathering up her knitting, looking anywhere except at Devan.

He stood and reluctantly went to the spare bed that they kept for healers, while she blew out the lamp and sought her own bed. Now was not the time, he knew. She was too fragile. _He_ was too fragile.

**

_Dirk walked along the river. Kris was walking along beside him. "This is so unfair." said Dirk._

"_I know."_

_**_

Dirk opened his eyes, Talia lay beside him, still deeply asleep. He got up, pulling his clothes on. The morning was cold. He went into the other room, poked up the fire and sat staring at the flames through the iron stove's open doors.

Vrisa must have heard him. She came out, wrapped in a shawl. She put water on top of the stove. Then she took a coal from the stove to light the water heater. That done, she sat down at the table.

"How are you?" she asked softly. She addressed him so infrequently that Dirk was startled.

"I'm—I don't know" He was cold and depressed.

Devan wandered out of the spare room, looking like he'd slept badly. "I have some things to do for the next couple of candle marks." he said, "But we need to discuss what to do next."

Dirk nodded.

**

"We need to face this." said Talia softy.

Dirk sat on the bed beside her holding her hand. "But...I can't lose you."

She smiled a little, sadly, "I don't think we have much choice. I can't go through that again, and at best it will buy me—what?--maybe a month or two. I'd rather spend my time with you."

In reply, Dirk held her close.

**

Elspeth sat with Selenay and Darren after they had met with Talia and Devan. Talia's decision was not going down easily with Selenay. "How can she just give up?" she demanded.

Elspeth was finally understanding what it was Talia had asked her to do as surrogate Queen's Own. "I don't think she's giving up, so much as sending a broken arrow. At this point, heroic measures would do more harm than good"

Selenay took her wine glass and flung it at the wall. Elspeth just looked at her quietly, not sure what to say.

Selenay looked sharply at Darren, "Would you be interested in arms practice this afternoon?"

**

_Voices woke Talia. Rolan sounded as if he were giving someone a dressing down, "You are walking a fine line. You _know_ we don't meddle."_

_A young man's voice replied, a trifle stiffly, "I'm within my rights, milord."_

"_When there's need, yes, but..."_

"_I think this qualified as need." the younger man said archly._

_Talia followed the voices, now unsurprised to find herself in the misty meadow with two Heralds. "Hello" she said._

_Rolan and the younger man both looked at her, surprised. The younger man disappeared. "I'm sorry, love." said Rolan, "I didn't mean to disturb you."_

"_Why do I keep coming here? Am I dreaming?"_

"_You're asleep, but not dreaming." Rolan answered. "I think you will find yourself drawn here more often."_

_They walked together for a bit. "Talimer spent a great deal of time here," said Rolan, "In the last few years of his life."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because he was ready to go on. He only stayed as long as duty and courtesy demanded." Rolan sat down on a convenient rock._

_Talia sat beside him, "Talimer was poisoned." she said, confused._

_Rolan sighed, "I did try to get him to stay, but he was weary beyond endurance by then. I understand how he felt. I think I will go back to the Grove when you are Called, little sister."_

"_You can do that?" Talia asked surprised_

"_Yes, I am permitted. Another will take up my duties. And with peace on every border, perhaps I am not needed for awhile."_

"_Permitted by whom?" Talia asked fascinated_

"_A very long time ago, I made an agreement." he looked off into the distance, "I wanted my household, my family safe. I am bound to those people who remember my name and live under my banner. But I am permitted rest. There are others who can take up my burdens for a while."_

_**_

Elspeth sat withDarkwind in the Common room. She, Selenay and Talia had decided that this announcement needed to be made the same night at both Court and Collegium. She took a deep breath and stood. All of the Heralds in residence had come down to dinner that night. She had made sure that each of them had received a message that she intended to speak of the Queen's Own's condition. Each of the Trainee's instructors had informed their classes that there would be an announcement at dinner. The handful of Scarlets, Greens and Blues in the room would ensure the other Collegia also heard the news.

When she stood, every eye was upon her. "I have grave news." Elspeth said projecting her voice to the back of the hall. "Herald Talia's illness has worsened." there were a scattering of gasps mostly from trainees and younger Heralds, "The Healers feel that this illness is likely to be fatal."

There, it was said. Out in the sunlight. There was a silence in the hall that was akin to the one that followed the Death Bell. In an hour, Selenay would give a much lengthier speech at Court. Elspeth did not, _could_ not, go into further detail. An official, written Pronouncement would be all over Haven by morning and all over the Kingdom in a week's time. She sat down. Darkwind held her hand.

Andrean and Kris sat opposite them. The news was no surprise to Kris. He'd turned up at the door of Elspeth's room nearly hysterical after bringing Devan to the Cottage the other night. Now he was white faced but calm. Andrean's anxiety showed in the set of his jaw, but he too was unsurprised.

Sherril and Keren sat with Teren a little way down the table. After a moment the three of them stood as one and walked from the hall.

As if that were a signal, a quite murmur of conversation started. Some others drifted from the hall in ones and twos.

**

Dirk had asked Jemmy down for dinner, the night Selenay was to announce it to Court. He and Talia had not wanted Jemmy to hear it from anyone other than themselves.

Talia looked mournfully at her son, thinking how she would never see him handfasted, nor grandchildren, nor indeed, was she likely to even see him made a full Master Bard. She was only half listening as Dirk explained what was happening to him.

Jemmy looked desolate, as Dirk told him that Talia had decided not to try any more treatment and that Devan's original prognosis still held. He was silent until Dirk finished. Without a word, he stood. He went into the other room. Talia heard his picking up his cloak and boots. He was so tightly shielded that he left a "null" space where he should have been to her senses.

"I'll be back," Jemmy said tightly, as he left through one of the other doors.

"Let him go." said Talia as Dirk made to follow the young man, "He needs time."

As Jemmy walked out into the darkness, he was followed by his father's Companion. Every Herald's child in the Palace knew what it was to have four footed nursemaids. Another time he might have been annoyed but tonight... "Hello, Ahrodie." he said.

She moved closer and touched him with her nose. He patted it. "Is Papa going to die too?" he asked bluntly. He'd been going over and over this in his mind. In the last months he'd been slowly realizing that his mother was going to die soon, but it was not uncommon for the other half of a life bonded pair to follow the first into death.

He'd talked this over with Kris at length. He'd also been ransacking the Chronicles, trying to get past the poetry of the old romances into the fact. Trouble was, while the songs were full of life bonds, the Chronicles hardly mentioned them at all. King Randale was recorded as having a life bond with his King's Own, but _she'd_ died within a week of his death.

From the same time period, of course, were the stories about Vanyel and his first life bonded—very few of the stories even mentioned Herald trainee Tylendel's name. Herald Mage Vanyel had come out the other side barely sane from what the Chronicles said. And given all the songs, with a death wish.

Keren had had a life bonded before Sherril, but he wasn't tactless or desperate enough (yet) to ask her about it straight out.

:I think between us, we can talk him into staying: said a soft, worried feminine voice in Jemmy's mind.

Jemmy almost fell over in surprise. Ahrodie had never spoken to him before. Although, she'd always been a sympathetic ear.

"I just don't want to lose both of them at the same time." His voice cracked and he felt unaccountably angry.

Ahrodie just walked with him, her presence providing as much comfort as he was likely to receive from anywhere.


	17. Chapter 17

Winter came late to Haven, that year. Talia sat in her bed near the window, watching snow fall. Rolan dozed in his corner. The Collegium would be letting out for the Midwinter holiday in a few days. Dirk wouldn't be teaching anymore classes this year till at least after the Midsummer break.

Keren was sitting with her this afternoon. To pass the time, Keren was helping Vrisa with her reading. Talia found herself endlessly amazed by Vrisa. Vrisa had never learned to read, largely because she never had Talia's penchant for tales, but Devan's books were another thing altogether. Rather than starting with simple things, Vrisa had dived into these to learn on. She was quite literate now—really all Keren was doing was helping her decipher polysyllabic terms that were quite meaningless to anyone but a healer.

Elspeth and Darkwind, bundled against the cold, were coming down to the Cottage on Gwena, Talia saw through the window. She heard them come in through the Companion door in the spare room.

Talia heard Keren and Vrisa greeting them.

"Hello?" called Elspeth. She poked her head into Talia's room. "Are you awake for visitors?"

About four months into her pregnancy, Elspeth was starting to show a little, Talia noticed. "Yes, I'd like that." she smiled. Elspeth came in and helped her stand. Rolan stood up and shook himself, using the opportunity to go out for a walk.

Elspeth helped her sit down on her favorite chair in the inner room.

Darkwind sat on the bench looking at the midwifery books Devan had lent Vrisa with interest.

"We've actually come to talk to Vrisa," said Elspeth when she'd settled next to Darkwind.

"Oh?" said Vrisa looking up from the embroidery she'd picked up.

"We were wondering..." Elspeth looked at Darkwind

"I seem to have scandalized the midwives." said Darkwind smiling, sheepishly "It is the custom of our people that the father attend the birth of his child, and we cannot get any of the midwives to agree to it."

"Devan suggested we ask you, Vrisa." said Elspeth, "If we can't find one here, I'm thinking we might have to import one."

"This sounds like a rather an important custom," Talia commented. Darkwind, especially, looked and Felt anxious.

Elspeth nodded, "If the father's not there, its saying that the child doesn't belong to the father. So..."

"I know that's not so here." put in Darkwind quickly, "Its just that to me, it means quite a bit."

"Why did Devan suggest me?" asked Vrisa, puzzled.

"He said he judges you very good, from your work at the Collegium. The other midwives agreed, too. And, he said that perhaps you'd be open to the thought?" Elspeth explained, although Talia could tell that Elspeth wasn't sure Vrisa would be.

Vrisa smiled a little "_Devan_ said I was good?" her cheeks colored prettily at the compliment, "Oh, he's a _terrible_ man." she smiled more, as if at some private joke "Yes, I'll do it. With all the mad customs here, it's just one more piece of madness." She looked straight at Darkwind, "I'll throw you out if you fuss or faint, mind." then she turned her eyes determinedly back to her embroidery. She still smiled.

"Thank you, Vrisa." Elspeth said as Darkwind grinned broadly.

Talia was intrigued by Vrisa's smile, but Vrisa wouldn't look at her.

There was a knock at one of the outside doors. "Come in." called Talia, "We're in the inside room."

"Talia? Cymry says you're in here?" The door opened and there stood Skif. He looked cold and as if he'd just come in from the road.

"Skif!" said four voices, astonished.

Skif shed his cloak and came in the room. Talia heard his sharp intake of breath as he looked at her, although he covered it quickly, "I didn't think I'd beat the snow here." he said with a forced smile.

Skif had to have been on the road for at least three weeks. For the past decade he'd been serving as envoy to the Tayledras and Shin'a'in at Kata'shin'a'in.

Talia turned to Elspeth "Did you know he was coming?"

Elspeth looked as open mouthed as Talia felt, shook her head.

"Cymry said we were recalled." said Skif, "I'd assumed it was Rolan." he said brows knitted.

"Mother had planned to recall you," said Elspeth, "Perhaps she forgot to tell me she'd done it." Elspeth smiled wanly, "Its been busy around here."

Talia realized that the light was becoming too bright again.

"Keren?" said Talia "I think I need one of those potions" She put her hand over her eyes.

"I'll get it" said Vrisa, "Keren would you...?"

Keren didn't answer, just picked Talia up and carried her to the bed in the other room.

"Do we need Devan?" called Elspeth.

Rolan had come back in the Companion door and kicked it closed behind him.

Vrisa hurried in with the potion, "No, I think not. He's coming this evening anyway." she called back. Keren pulled the curtains closed.

When Talia was settled, they came back into the other room.

"What the hell was that?" A shaken Skif demanded of Elspeth and Keren.

Elspeth looked bleak, "You knew she was ill, yes?"

"Well, yes. I knew she'd been ill since the summer." replied Skif, "And Cymry said that she'd taken worse."

"Quite a bit worse," Keren rasped, "Skif—sit down."

Skif did, in the chair the Talia had abandoned. Darkwind, Elspeth and Keren took turns explaining. When they came to the end of it, he sat aghast.

"But, surely...there must be something to be done?" he pleaded.

Elspeth shook her head, "Devan did try. He sent Heralds to every Healing temple he could think of. We even sent to Firesong. What they came up with was--terribly hard-- on Talia."

"I knew that you'd sent messages, but I never realized..."

"You weren't meant to." said Elspeth gently, "You know how Talia is. She didn't want everyone worrying. I'm just glad you managed to come back before the winter really started. Are things all right with Nyara? Can you stay?"

"Yes, Cymry said we needed to plan to stay until at least the equinox. Nyara can manage alone till then. If I need to stay longer, the children are old enough to make the trip in the spring." Skif abruptly seemed to see Vrisa as she sat in the corner embroidering. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure who you are?" he asked as politely as he could.

Keren said "Gods, I'm sorry. Vrisa, this is Skif. Skif, this is Talia's sister, Vrisa"

Vrisa looked up, nodded and looked back to her embroidery.

"Talia's sister?" asked Skif, befuddled.

"Long story." said Elspeth, "Have you checked in yet?"

"No."

"Come on, then." Elspeth said, getting up. "We'll get you checked in and see if we can't find Dirk. He'll be thrilled to see you. Keren, are you here for the rest of the afternoon?"

"Yes." said Keren "Sherrill's coming down after she finishes teaching her class, as well"

Elspeth finished putting on her cloak and wrapped herself up in her scarf. She caught Skif looking at her. "Yes, I've put on weight." she said smiling, "I'm almost five moons gone with child."

Skif grinned "I was wondering." He followed she and Darkwind as they went out through the spare room.

Gwena was waiting for Elspeth just outside and went on her knees for Elspeth to mount. "Oh, you. I'm not going to break, you know." Elspeth said fondly to Gwena.

**

"_How's the head now, little sister?" Rolan asked her as they walked across the misty field. It was snowing here, too._

"_Better. It was bad for a bit. I'm glad that Skif could come. Did you recall him?"_

"_No" sighed Rolan, "But I know who did."_

_**_

Elspeth helped Skif track Dirk down after he was through with classes, and then tactfully claimed fatigue in order to leave them alone.

"Let me just let a page know that I'll be eating up here and they can take Talia and Vrisa's dinner down." Dirk said, "Common room or your room?" he asked Skif

"My room" Skif replied. Dirk asked a passing page to bring up two trays to Skif's room.

Skif's room was still the single room he'd been assigned when he first became a Herald, if Nyara and the children came this spring, he'd need to requisition more rooms.

Skif was almost as appalled by Dirk's appearance as by Talia's. He hadn't seen Dirk for two years, but it seemed he'd aged ten in that time.

"So how are you doing?" asked Skif as soon as they had sat down with their food.

"I'm getting along." Dirk said off handedly

"No, Dirk, this is me, remember? What's the truth?" Skif said harshly

"Truth?" Dirk looked at Skif, "Not well." Dirk put his elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands. "I'm going to lose her, Skif. I don't know what to do." he dropped his hands and there was all of hell in his eyes.

"Are you going to follow her?" Skif asked, he guessed that no one else was asking it. It seemed it was his particular curse in life to ask the questions out loud that everyone else was thinking.

"I think everyone expects me to. It might be hard to manage, if everyone hides the knives." Dirk said bitterly.

Skif began to comprehend that he had not been called back to Haven for Talia's benefit (or even his own) but for Dirk's.

**

Talia's attacks became worse and more frequent as the winter deepened. Devan prescribed stronger pain potions.

In spite of this, the Midwinter Holiday was very happy. The Cottage was a bit crowded with Jemmy, Erec, Andrean and Kris arriving there in the afternoon. Skif, Sherrill and Keren came down and offered to take the youngsters skating.

"Oh no, If you're going skating, I'm coming too!" insisted Talia laughing. The day was not too cold and fat flakes of snow were coming down. Dirk saddled Rolan while Sherril and Vrisa helped Talia dress.

"You come too Vrisa!" said Sherril, Vrisa started to stammer something that sounded like a refusal, but put on her boots and cloak.

Rolan knelt for Talia to mount and Dirk got up behind her. They trooped down to the skating pond and Talia was surprised to see Devan. "I had thought to see you at the Cottage, but I received a message to meet you here." he said, smiling. His eyes kept straying to Vrisa.

Talia raised an eyebrow at Sherrill who shrugged and tried to look innocent.

Dirk threw a blanket over a log for Talia to sit on and Skif started a fire. Jemmy was explaining to Erec and Andrean how to tie the skating runners to their boots. Devan threw another blanket over the log and produced a jug of cider to heat. Keren was trying to convince Vrisa to try skating.

"Don't get too cold" Devan told Talia as he tied his own skates on. Keren had taken Vrisa by the hands and was slowly leading her around the skating pond. the boys and Skif were clumsily racing each other.

Talia leaned against Dirk watching, wrapped in blankets and his arms.

When the brief afternoon faded toward evening, Kris reluctantly left for a Court Dinner. Erec also left, saying he had duty in the morning. Skif, Keren and Sherril headed back up to the Palace as well. Jemmy, Andrean and Devan came back to the Cottage.

Talia's head had started to ache again, but it wasn't bad. When they'd gotten settled, Talia asked Jemmy to take out her harp. She hadn't been able to play since her first fit in the summer, "Will you play her for me?"

Jemmy looked flattered and pleased. When he took a break to rest his fingers, Dirk took a turn on his own harp. Talia went to bed early, but it was pleasant to listen to the talk, laughter and music from the other room.

**

Selenay was very pleased that Skif had made it back before winter. For appearance's sake, she had him writing long reports about the doings to the south.

One evening, as he was deep into one of these, Neave came knocking on his door. "I heard you were back," said Neave. "Am I inturrupting?"

"Not anything that can't wait" smiled Skif, "Where are you back from?"

"More courier work," shrugged Neave. taking a seat, "Heading out again, day after tomorrow."

"Hmm, that's quick. Any emergencies?" Skif asked concerned.

"No, nothing urgent. You know me, I hate to spend too much time behind walls." another knock at the door, "I had some wine sent up." said Neave, as he got up to answer it and took the bottles from the page.

They caught up for a while. They had always been friends, since their student days. Skif had been assigned as mentor to Neave by the old Dean Elcarth. Skif's background had been the only one close to Neave's, although some of Neave's stories had been sufficient to give Skif the screaming horrors. Skif thought he was the only one apart from the Companions who knew that Neave had spent the first six months of his student days sleeping in his Companion's stall. His Gift was discovered when he finally felt safe enough to sleep in the trainee's dorms and started projecting his nightmares to the other trainees

"I saw Talia and Dirk this morning." said Neave when they were halfway down the second bottle, "Gods. She looks so much worse every time I come back."

"I know." said Skif shaking his head.

"Dirk's as bad." Neave said sadly

"Hmm, yes, we're going to have to watch him when..." Skif couldn't go on.

"Should we watch him though?" asked Neave, "Perhaps we should let him go too?" he finished softly

Skif looked horrified, "What? Just let him..?"

"There is no 'one true way'" replied Neave, "A life bond is a lot like a Companion bond, from what I understand. If something happened to Kyldathar, I wouldn't thank anyone who stopped me from reaching her."

"But he's got a son! And Ahrodie!"

"And hopefully they'll be enough But otherwise..?" Neave looked at the tabletop, "We both know that the Healers sometimes give overdoses to people in intolerable pain. How different would this be?"


	18. Chapter 18

Perhaps because of Devon's potions, perhaps just because she was so weak, Talia found herself straying more often to the place Rolan had called the Dreamtime. Even when she was awake, she could see how the mists permeated through the real world. She didn't mention it to anyone, what would she say? Often, when she looked at the Companions, she could see their human-shaped selves. It made her dizzy if she looked too long.

It was one of those shining winter days that always reminded Talia of the winter she and Kris had gotten snowed into the way station.

Vrisa was sitting beside her, starting on a new embroidery by the looks of it. She had gotten Elspeth to find her a large floor frame and was fixing a piece of midnight blue cotton to it. Something occurred to Talia, "Vrisa..?"

"Yes?" said Vrisa, not looking up from her task

"Is that what I think it is?"

Vrisa stopped, her eyes were over-bright with unshed tears, "Yes."

"Thank you."

Vrisa didn't answer, just smiled sorrowfully and went on with what she was doing.

**

:Kero?: Sayvil said urgently, :Kerowyn, wake up.:

Kerowyn came awake in a heartbeat, kept herself perfectly still, :What's wrong?: She knew that Sayvil never woke her out of sleep, unless something crucial were happening.

:We have to get back to Haven.: It was six weeks earlier than they would have even considered leaving.

:Why? And...who's 'we'? Just you and I? Or the whole lot of us?: Packing up all of them would take three days, at least. :And by whose orders?:

:The first; I'm not sure. The second; I think just you and I. The third; no one's orders, I just know.:

Kerowyn sighed. She was afraid of that. It wasn't that Sayvil had ever been wrong about one of these Foresights. It was just that it was a little like taking a leap into a dark cave and assuming that she wouldn't break her neck.

:Can it wait until morning?: She thought she could do without tearing out of here in the middle of the night.

:Yes—but we need to be there in a week:

There was a sudden commotion in the outer room of her suite, "Heyla! I told you, you can't disturb the Captain this time of night!" the voice of her orderly was saying.

"I have to talk to her right now!" that was Lyra's voice, high pitched and strained.

"Now you listen to me! If the town's not burning down, it can wait till morning. I'm not disturbing the Captain 'cause some hysterical girl had a nightmare."

"It wasn't a nightmare—I'm telling you it was Foresight." Lyra was doing her best to keep her voice at an authoritative (and not hysterical) pitch and volume.

"Look, I know nothing about Foresight, but I do know that the Captain will have both our hides for disturbing her rest for no damned reason."

Eldan had woken up now too, Kero could tell by the tension is his arms. :What's happening?:

:Shh, I want to listen to this: Kero sat up and started pulling on her clothing.

"I need to talk to the Captain right now. I'll take full responsibility. "

"Uh huh. And who would you be, to do that?"

A long pause, Kerowyn held her breathe waiting to see what Lyra would say, "I am Herald Trainee Lyra, Chosen of Jenna. I have an identified Gift of Foresight." the change in Lyra's voice told Kerowyn that she'd adopted a "parade rest" stance. " The standard procedure is to bring such Foresights to the immediate attention of our commanders. The. Immediate. Attention."

"Well, I'm not..."

Kerowyn decided to save them the rest of the argument. She was dressed enough to be decent so she opened the door to the outer room.

"All right," she said tiredly, "I'm up."

Her orderly looked three kinds of horrified, "Herald Captain, I'm terribly sorry..."

"Its all right. Please go. I'll deal with Herald Trainee Lyra." She growled softly.

"Yes, Herald Captain." He bowed stiffly to her and left.

"So?" said Kerowyn, coldly "What--precisely--possessed you to wake me up in the middle of the night?"

Kerowyn could tell the girl was shaking in her hastily-thrown-on boots (the leg of her breaches were untucked on one boot), but Lyra raised her chin and took a deep calming breath. "You and I need to go back to Haven. Right away, in the morning."

"Based on what?" asked Kerowyn slowly.

"I had a dream. Something to do with Kris and him needing me to be there. There was more to it, but it was mostly Kris..." her voice dropped away and her eyes unfocused as if she was half tranced. Then she focused on Kerowyn again, "I know its not much, but it wasn't a nightmare."

"Uh huh." Kerowyn picked up the poker and blew up the fire, :Sayvil? Has this got to do with whatever you were getting?:

:Yes. And Jenna's having the hysterics that Lyra is sitting on—Jenna says that the whole damned family needs us. Lyra's only Seeing Kris because they're twins and she homed in on him.:

:Kero: Eldan sent to her :Ratha says that Companion Jenna...:

:I know, Sayvil told me:

Kerowyn stood, "As it happens," she said slowly, "Sayvil had the same Foresight just a moment before you came in here. I assume you can be packed and ready at first light?"

Lyra was caught completely by surprise. She obviously thought she'd have to spend a lot longer at persuading Kerowyn. "Yes, Herald Captain." she said uncertainly.

"Go on, then. Go pack" Kerowyn stood looking at the fire. She heard Eldan walk out of the bedroom as soon as Lyra had closed the front door.

"What do you think it is?" asked Eldan.

"Its got to be Talia." said Kerowyn, "The last messages we got weren't good. And can you think of anything as likely to throw the whole damned royal family into turmoil? Talia's as good as a second mother to Selenay's children. And Selenay losing her closest advisor..."

"Mmm."

A thought occurred to Kerowyn, "You knew Talia's predecessor. What happened when he died?"

"It was a bit of a mess. Fortunately, we had Alberich at the time and Kyril. They really helped Selenay cope—Well, it was the same group of Heralds that helped Selenay after her father was killed and Talamir was wounded." said Eldan

"And most of them are dead now." sighed Kerowyn, "I always thought it was a stroke of genius, making a mind-healer permanently attached to the royal family, but now I'm seeing the problems with it." she shook her head.

"Come back to bed for a little while." Said Eldan putting his arms around her waist.

Kerowyn pushed both she and Lyra fairly hard over the next week. They both shared a terrible feeling of needing to get there _now._

Sayvil spoke to Gwena when they were three days out of Haven. :You were right.: was all Sayvil said to Kerowyn.

It was a nasty, cold night when they finally arrived at Haven. It was too late to discover just what was going on. After caring for their Companions, Kero ordered Lyra to bed and took herself to her own

The morning found Selenay and Darren at her door . Selenay was tired and careworn, as was Daren. "She had a bad attack three days ago." explained Selenay "Devan's keeping her pretty heavily drugged." Selenay paused to take Daren's hand, "She's not expected to live much longer." she finished, shakily.

"That would jibe with Lyra's Foresight. Poor thing." sighed Kerowyn, "You both would have been proud of her, too." Kerowyn told them about the little scene in her suite, "I thought she was going to pull rank on the man, but she figured that would impress him and me very little, so she fell back on what would. She did well."

Daren and Selenay smiled at that. Daren said, "By the way, thank you for your advice about Kris."

Kerowyn shrugged, "You would have figured it out eventually." She wasn't sure how much Daren had told Selenay about the whole incident, but it was good to hear that Daren and his son were once again on good terms. Even when she'd left at Sovven, Daren and Kris had been a little tentative around each other.

"I was going to see Talia this morning," said Selenay, "Would you like to come?"

**

Walking into Talia's room was like walking into Kerowyn's past. Talia lay in bed looking as if all the color had been leached from her. Her thin hair was a dull noncolor between gray and brown. Her skin was gray except where there were marks like bruises on the underside of her arms. Dirk sat in the chair next to her looking, for all the world, like Kerowyn's father in the last days of her mother's illness.

Talia's face lit up, "Kerowyn!" Dirk helped her sit up more comfortably and Talia looked at him lovingly,

"Who's that?" asked Talia, looking at the space beside Kerowyn. Devan had warned them to keep the visits brief and that she may be confused or even hallucinating.

"Love, its just Kerowyn." said Dirk, gently.

"Oh..." she looked confused for a moment then her face brightened, "Oh, of course...I'm sorry."

Dirk looked broken-hearted. "Why don't you go get some air?" said Kerowyn, "I'll wager you haven't eaten either."

"She's right." put in Talia, "Go eat. I'll be all right with Kero." Dirk got up and Kerowyn sat down in his chair.

"Its good to see you." said Talia, her eyes wandered around the room as if she couldn't stop them, then focused back on Kerowyn. "Tarma says it never occurred to her that Lenore and Rathgar were lifebonded. She and Kethry would have kept closer watch on you and your brother had they known."

Kerowyn felt the blood drain from her face. :Sayvil? Where is she getting this from?:

:I...don't...: sputtered Sayvil.

Talia's eyes wandered again and she spoke to someone in a low voice Kerowyn couldn't hear, "She says she misses you." Talia said in a normal voice, then her eyes closed as though in sleep. The hair stood up on the back of Kerowyn's neck and her eyes prickled

Selenay came in, looked at Talia and sat down in the other chair. "Devan says she hasn't eaten in days.' she said sadly, "And she hasn't been able to keep even water down since yesterday."

Talia opened her eyes, belying the impression that she was sleeping. Reached over and took Selenay's hand.

"I think I better check and make sure Dirk actually eats something" said Kerowyn suddenly unable to stay another minute without sobbing.

Talia's eyes and half smile reflected understanding.

Kerowyn leaned forward and gave Talia a hug, "Talia," she whispered "I'm going to tell you farewell, now." she knew as certainly as her own name that this was the last time she'd see Talia alive.

"Look after them, for me." Talia whispered back.

**

Andrean, Kris, Lyra and Jemmy huddled in the spare room of the Cottage, feeling very lost and alone. Andrean grasped easily what Talia was to Kris and Lyra—he pointed out that until his father died, he'd had four mothers himself.

Kris was very glad that Lyra was back—the struggle to shield out all these emotions was close to driving him out of all temper. With Lyra and Andrean near to him, it was much easier. Jemmy was pale and looked almost as bad as Dirk.

Kerowyn put her head around the open door. She looked and Felt sad and tense to Kris. "Selenay says Talia's asking to see you lot." she said, "Devan says you should go see her one or two at a time, otherwise you'll overwhelm her. "

Lyra and Kris hesitated a minute, then Kris put his hand in Andrean's and nodded to Lyra and Jemmy. Lyra took Jemmy's hand and led him into Talia's bedroom.

**

Since Talia's last attack, she had barely had an undrugged candle mark, but today, it seemed that she felt, if not stronger, at least brighter.

She heard Kerowyn and Selenay come in through the spare room. Dirk sat in the chair beside her and a few other people stood around the room. Talia wasn't entirely sure who they were, but Rolan was having a quiet conference with them. With Kerowyn came a tall, blue eyed woman in black Shin'a'in garb and a veil covering the bottom half of her face.

"Who's that?" she asked a little befuddled, the garb should have meant something to her, but Talia couldn't think what.

'Love, it's just Kerowyn." said Dirk

The woman looked just as solid as Kerowyn did, but she held up a finger in front of her veiled lips and winked. "Oh...of course, I'm sorry."

The woman (whose name was Tarma, Talia realized suddenly) asked her to give a message to Kerowyn, because Kerowyn above all understood what the children would go through without Talia. This was something that had been a worry to Talia through her whole illness. She understood Rolan when he talked of needing his family safe.

**

A little while later, Selenay told her that the children were there. Talia hesitated, she wasn't at all sure she wanted the children to see her like this. "But they're not really children anymore are they?" said a voice. She looked up to see Herald Kris standing there, smiling gently. "Kris!" she said holding out one hand.

"I'm early." he said fondly, taking it "But I've been informed that you've earned a few favors. You need to say goodbye and so do they."

"Mama?" Jemmy said quietly, claiming her attention.

"Jemmy..." she took his hand. She told him and the other three the goodbyes she needed to say and she told them to take care of one another.

"You and Dirk have done so well." Kris said after the children left,

"I'm worried about Dirk" said Talia.

"I know. Its not his time yet and people still need him." replied Kris, "You should tell him that before you go."

**

"What's she doing, Vrisa?" asked Dirk, quietly watching Talia as she talked and laughed with... somebody. They couldn't catch the words, but otherwise she was talking quite animately.

Vrisa kept on with her embroidery, "My people say that the spirits of loved ones come to greet the dying."

Darkwind said from the corner where he sat, "My people say the same."

Elspeth leaned over and touched Talia's hand "We're going to go up to bed now." she said.

Talia focused on Elspeth for a moment, her face lit up in an beatific smile, "Catling, I love you so much." and just for a moment, Talia's Empathy enabled Elspeth to Feel it. "Goodbye."

Elspeth kissed Talia's head. Hurriedly she and Darkwind put on their cloaks and left them. Dirk heard Elspeth's sobs as they walked away with Gwena.

"Dirk. I would speak to you for a moment." announced Vrisa in her formal way. She stood and walked into the inner room. Dirk followed and shut the door almost all the way.

Vrisa sat down at the table and indicated that Dirk should as well. She took a deep breath and said, "Dirk, you have to tell her it's all right to let go. She holds on for you and it's not right."

"_What?" _He exploded

Vrisa flinched, but held her ground, "She has to go on soon or late. I have watched her say her farewells to everyone dear to her in these last few days. Except you. You won't say it, and she fears to hurt you. But flesh has limits, Herald. Don't let her go without saying what you must."

Dirk was silent. He would not take out his pain on Vrisa, but she didn't know what she asked.

"I'm to my rest." he said shortly, after a moment. He got up and walked back into his bedroom without another look at Vrisa.

Talia had settled down into a true sleep again. He put out all the candles but one and lay down with her, thinking what it would be like to never have her again.

The candle had burned down quite a bit when he woke to Talia's moan. "Talia? Are you all right?"

"My head—hurts." she replied.

Dirk fumbled for the potion he kept on the headboard, helped her drink it and got her some water to wash the taste out of her mouth.

"Dirk, I love you so much." she said, "But, I think I need to go soon. I'm so tired." she took a breath, "Listen, Jemmy still needs you. And Ahrodie." she fixed her eyes on his in the dim light, "Don't you think to follow me until you've finished your tasks."

"Talia..." he began to protest.

"Don't you remember how I told you, I never minded being apart because it was so wonderful seeing you again?" She was smiling a little,

Something shifted subtly in Dirks heart. What Vrisa had been trying to tell him began to make more sense. "Talia, if you need to let go...I love you, but its all right. If it's your time...I'll look after things until...we meet again."

"Love you" she sighed as she fell asleep in his arms.

Vrisa woke early the next morning as though she'd been shaken. She put on a shawl over her bed gown and poked up the fire. Dirk was up by the time the water she put on to heat boiled.

"How was her night?" asked Vrisa, pouring the tea.

"Quiet,"

They both went back into the bedroom to sit with Talia, Rolan had gone outside. Talia was breathing very slowly, Vrisa noticed. Vrisa began to count between Talia's breaths. Her count stretched to fifteen. Then to thirty. Thirty again.

Then, "Dirk, I think she's gone" Vrisa whispered, just as the Death Bell began to toll.

**

Talia woke when Dirk got up, but she was too warm and drowsy to move. Dirk and Vrisa were sitting with her when she saw a man dressed in Whites appear at her bedside.

"It's time to go, little love." he said gently. He took her hand and led her out into the late winter snow. Talia couldn't see him properly because she was quite dazzled by the light for a moment. Then she realized that the light was coming _from_ the strange Herald.

Her eyes became more accustomed or perhaps he dimmed himself for her benefit. A beautiful young man with ancient eyes stood looking at her.

The Shadow Lover.

She heard the Death Bell begin to toll, "Then I'm..." she couldn't finish.

"Yes, love." He smiled, and kissed her.

A strange wild joy ran through her. She hadn't felt anything like it since Kris...

"Hello, little bird." Kris was right beside her. He pulled her into a tight hug. "I have missed you!"

She was laughing and weeping at the same time. "This is so damned hard." she said.

She realized suddenly, that they were surrounded by a crowd of Heralds."Who are all these...?"

Not Heralds. Companions. They had come to see her off.

Then one of them, a young man with blonde curly hair walked rather diffidently towards her, "My Lord?" he said to the Shadow Lover, "I was promised..?"

The Shadow Lover made no reply to the man, but whispered in Talia's ear "_Remember."_

_She raced across Companions field, shrieking for help. Kellan answered her and brought her Chosen and others. She was too late to prevent the madness, but not too late to prevent the bloodshed. Why had he not trusted her? How could he do this? She Felt him open the Gate. Invoke the wyrsa. She dove through the Gate herself. Innocents! He planned to harm Innocents. "I do not know you. You are not my Chosen". She tore her own soul in half. Then she threw herself onto the wyrsa, letting them carry her to the Shadow Lover's arms_

She looked with fury, horror and grief on the young man, "_Tylendel! _You bastard!" She slapped him with her open hand across his face, then burst into tears.


	19. Chapter 19

Talia couldn't stop crying. She took great heaving breaths, but it only fueled the sobs. Someone took her by the shoulders and sat her down on a bench.

Someone sat beside her—she thought it was Kris, then someone sat one her other side. Rolan.

Someone else's memories filled her. She remembered a very young man, confused and lost, with a terrible burden of Gifts. The joining of their souls. Long happy days. Then a storm, irrevocable loss. She trying to draw him out of the little universe of pain he'd retreated to. Then madness and more loss. And for the longest time, darkness and sleep while she healed.

Another knelt in front of her, "Gala...Gala, I'm so sorry" Tylendel was crying too, he clutched at her hands.

"You..." she couldn't continue, although her sobs had lessened a little.

Tylendel had her hands against his chest in one of his and put an arm around her. His head pressed against hers, "I'm so sorry. It wasn't your fault. None of it." he kept repeating.

Somehow Tylendel ended up sitting where Kris had been, with her against his shoulder. Talia thought that, if she still had a body, she might have cried herself sick, the way Elspeth had when Elspeth was a little girl. Eventually (it may have been a moment, it may have been days), she came to the end of her tears.

"You stupid, stupid man.' she said hoarsely, "Where have you been all this time?"

"Would you believe the Forest of Sorrows?" He smiled tentatively at her, handing her a handkerchief.

"I don't understand." she said confused, wiping her eyes.

'You know the story, little sister," said Rolan softly, "Herald Mage Vanyel and his lifebonded guarding the Forest of Sorrows. But according to Karal and Firesong, those spirits were freed at the same time the Mage Storms ended."

"And no longer needed, since the Herald Mages have returned to Valdemar. In large part due to your efforts." Tylendel put in.

Talia blushed, "Did you know about this?" she said to Rolan to cover her confusion.

"No. I knew you were having Dreamings about memories that didn't belong to Talia, but I never knew Gala." Rolan replied.

"But...how could you be in Sorrows?" she turned back to Tylendel "It was Bard Stefan who was with Vanyel."

Tylendel's form shivered and blurred to a shorter, slighter, red haired man, "Yes, but you never knew Stefan." he smiled, he blurred back to blond.

A woman approached them from the group of Companions that had drawn away, the gray haired woman Talia had seen before, "I started to suspect after 'Lendel brought back Andrean." she said kindly to Talia, "And Dantris told me that 'Lendel spoke to Vrisa."

"No one told me of this!" exclaimed Rolan. surprised.

The woman shrugged, "You had enough worries on your plate." She sat down on a bench that just appeared out of the air. "Nothing but good came out of it, when all is said and done."

"I didn't even recognize you, 'til the day I went out to Choose." Said Tylendel, "I'd been given a boon by the Powers...I wanted to find you again. I'd made amends to everyone. Except you."

Talia's mind felt as though it was moving very slowly. There was one fact she grasped, "You're Companion Del? You brought Vrisa back to me?" Tears were falling again, but more thankful than sad.

Tylendel nodded solemnly.

Rolan sighed, "And had Gwena call back Cymry and Skif without a by-your-leave. And I don't know what else."

"Why?" asked Talia.

"Because you wanted Dirk and Jemmy to be all right." replied Tylendel, "Because Skif can say things to Dirk that no one else will think of. Because I _know_ how badly a broken life bond can tear someone up." Tylendel's eyes were dark with memory, "He needs his friends."

Talia remembered the story; Vanyel was killed and Bard Stefan mourned the loss of his lifebonded for the rest of his long life. Others had called it romantic (those who weren't lifebonded). She thought it was horrible. "Thank you." she said clasping Tylendel's hand.

Death stood a little away from them, looking to a misty horizon. Now, He moved back toward them. "Are you still determined to come with us, Milord?" he asked Rolan politely.

The grey haired woman paled, as did Tylendel. The group of Companions that still stood politely at a distance came nearer.

Rolan stood. Talia realized that he was as tall as the Shadow Lover. "Yes, Lady"

The Shadow Lover took Rolan's hand and there was a bright light.

Rolan was gone.

Talia stood up suddenly, her hands over her mouth, muffling a gasp. Kris was beside her again. "Don't be afraid. You'll see him on the other side."

"What happens now?" Talia asked Kris, urgently. She wasn't exactly afraid, but...

"Now is when you find out." He replied gently

Talia turned back to Tylendel. she grabbed the front of his shirt with one hand, "You take care of them, do you hear me? You take _very_ _good_ care of them." She tugged on his shirt with each word.

"Gala, I swear, I will." Tylendel said solemnly, catching her hand and kissing it.

She turned to the Shadow Lover. Wordlessly, He took her hand. For the first time she looked properly into His face, "Oh Kris!" She gasped, "You were right..!" Then she was gone, too.

The Companions who stood around the Cottage shook their heads as time resumed. The Death Bell tolled. In that moment every Herald understood who they had lost and that they mourned not one life, but two.

**

"Dirk, I think she's gone." whispered Vrisa, as the Death Bell began to toll.

Dirk felt for the pulse of Talia's throat, wildly disregarding the evidence of the Death Bell. He put his head to her chest.

Nothing.

:Chosen?: Ahrodie's bright mind voice said in his thoughts :Chosen, she's gone. And...and--Rolan went with her.:

Whatever Dirk felt in that moment, it was too deep for tears. He sat next to the empty shell of his love. He wasn't sure how long he sat, but Vrisa brought him back to himself.

"Your son is here." she said, "And your nephews. They're taking you to the carpenter's."

"I'm sorry..?" he said vaguely, seeing the four young men waiting expectantly.

"Listen, Herald. This is the last thing you can ever do for your wife. Erec and Andrean know what's needful and I hear Bards are fine hands with wood." Vrisa said

"Bardic has everything we need in the wood shop." said Jemmy quietly, "I think Vrisa's right, we shouldn't leave this for someone else."

"Talia said she would have to have a state funeral" said Vrisa, "But that doesn't mean it can't be done properly."

Dirk followed the boys out across the field in the cold morning light. They stopped at the carpenter's wood shop.

The master carpenter was there. Jemmy went and spoke quietly to him. The carpenter looked sharply at Dirk. "I heard the Bell. So its Herald Talia? I'm sorry, Herald" He said to Dirk with rough sympathy.

Dirk nodded, numbly.

"Do you have pine, sir?" asked Jemmy, "She was specific on that."

"Aye, we do. Where would you be wanting us to bring it when we're done?" Asked the carpenter.

Jemmy glanced at Erec and Andrean, "Oh, you misunderstand, sir. _We're_ making her coffin. We just need the materials. We can go over to Bardic, if we'll be in your way"

The carpenter smiled sadly, "Doin' it proper for her, eh? You're good lads. Now you come in here and I'll give you a hand."

Jemmy looked over wood with the carpenter. Picked it out, helped Dirk measure and saw. Andrean and Erec bent to their own tasks. Somehow the work was soothing. Someone brought in ale and food after awhile. They found themselves with many more helpers as Heralds (and others) drifted in to help.

While the carpenter was seeing to the dovetail joins, Dirk was handed some ale and food (it might have been Skif). After all the hard work of sawing and shaping and smoothing wood, he discovered he actually had an appetite. Somehow the work helped.

It was late afternoon when they took the coffin to the Cottage. Companions and Heralds stood around outside. Talking or just being together. Dirk steeled himself for what he would see.

Talia was laid out in her wedding dress. A midnight blue span of cloth embroidered with designs in white covered her to her waist. Someone had arranged her hair beneath one of the scarves she had been using to cover her head.

They brought the coffin inside and put it aside. Dirk sat on the bed next to Talia. Jemmy knelt on the floor next to him. Now, Dirk felt his tears fall. Jemmy put his head on the bed and cried too. After awhile, Dirk put his arm around his son and they mourned together.

**

The day Talia died was not the worst day of Skif's life, but it was in the running.

When the Death Bell rang, Skif pelted down the stairs outside the common room, nearly colliding with Elspeth as she made for the same door on the landing. She grabbed at Skif's shoulders, thrown off balance by the weight of her belly. She looked almost in shock. Darkwind was with her and steadied her from the other side.

"Slow down, Elspeth." said Darkwind softly, "you can't change what's happened."

For a moment Elspeth looked as though she hated Darkwind. Then the truth of what he said penetrated. She sat on the bottom of the stairs Skif had just come down. She took deep breaths. In a very careful voice she said, "Will you have one of the pages tell Housekeeper that Talia wanted to be buried in her wedding gown?".

Skif passed this onto a page as he made his way more carefully to the Cottage.

Vrisa was there with Devan.

"Where's Dirk?" Skif demanded, fearfully.

Vrisa took a step back, "Gone with the boys to the carpenter's" she said in a flat little voice.

"The carpenter's?" repeated Skif confused

Devan came to stand beside Vrisa, "Its Holderkin custom that the family make the coffin themselves." he said gently, "Well, most borderers do it, really."

Skif turned and headed over to the carpenters, already concerned about all the sharp implements available there.

He realized he didn't need to be concerned, when he arrived. At least not today. Dirk was deep into a discussion with Jemmy about the color of the pine boards for the coffin.

He ordered food and ale brought, as it looked like Dirk and Jemmy wouldn't remember to eat unless reminded. The task was foreign to him, so he contented himself with fetching and carrying for people who _did_ know one end of a saw from another. When Dirk paused, Skif put food into his hand. Skif took it as a good sign that Dirk actually ate it.

Sometime in the middle of the afternoon Kerowyn came in with Darren and Kris. Kerowyn walked over to Skif as the others spoke with Dirk. "How are they?" She asked softly.

"I can't tell" Skif shrugged.

"I've a notion..." Kerowyn said "The Shin'a'in consider travel a cure for any grief. What if you took Jemmy and Dirk away by themselves awhile?"

"What? You mean give them a distraction?" asked Skif.

"No, I mean make it that they have nothing to distract them from each other." She looked sadder than Skif had ever seen her, "All they have is each other now. We shouldn't let them lose that, if we can help it."

**

Kris sat outside the Cottage wondering if he should find himself some headache tea, or even one of the Healer or Herald instructors. Under the weight of this much grief, he was developing a reaction headache from trying to shield it out.

Some kind soul had anticipated that more people would come for Talia's wake than the Cottage could hold, and had put down benches outside, so he didn't have to sit in the wet snow.

Elspeth had seen him a moment ago and had offered to go find him a glass of wine to help take the edge off of his sensitivity. She said that a lot of people had trouble with their shields when they were under stress. She should know, Kris supposed, she was a wreck.

To be fair, they were all wrecks. Andrean had the right of it, Talia was another mother to him. And now she was gone...He felt hot tears running down his cheeks again

Kris heard a movement behind him in the snow. He turned, assuming it was Elspeth.

It was a Companion.

Kris looked into the Companion's eyes and fell into blue. For one shining moment there was no way to tell where one began and the other ended. Kris felt himself weighed, measured and somehow equal to...something.

:Hello Kris,: The Companion said in Kris' mind. A profound sense of peace wound its way around Kris' weary heart, :I Choose you.:

Kris was struck dumb. Involuntarily, he lifted his legs to the other side of the bench, stood. As if entranced, he moved forward to pat the neck of the Companion. As he touched the Companion, Kris felt his shields reinforced against the tide of emotions around him.

Being Chosen was a dream gradually forgotten in the last year. When his Gift surfaced, he assumed that, as a healer, he wouldn't be. But he was a _mind_ healer. Up until now, Talia had been the only mind healer who was also a Herald.

And she was...gone.

His(!) Companion regarded him patiently as Kris started putting the pieces together. "Are you the new Grove Born?"

The Companion nodded.

Kris was not a strong mind speaker—he could really only do it with Lyra and then it gave him a headache. He was relieved that the Companion didn't seem to mind.

"Kris?" Elspeth had come back, "Who is..? Have you been..?" Clearly she'd witnessed the little tableau. She carried two glasses of wine. She swallowed one quickly. After a moment she handed the other to him .

"His name is Valdir. He's the new Grove Born...and he Chose me." Kris ended in an awed whisper. A thought occurred to him, "I-I hope you don't mind...I guess I assumed the new Grove Born would Choose you" he said to Elspeth.

"And I thank all the Gods I've ever heard of that he _didn't. " _said Elspeth sincerely, hugging her brother.

**

Selenay declared nine days of mourning for Herald Talia, in honor of her Holderkin origins. Dirk was never able to remember those days very well. They buried Talia with an enormous state funeral in the High Temple, three days after her death. Through it all, Skif, Kerowyn, Vrisa and Jemmy never left him alone and Ahrodie always made herself felt in the back of his mind.

Somehow, he was unsurprised to hear that Kris had been Chosen by the new Grove Born. In a way, he was profoundly glad that Rolan had gone with Talia.

At the end of it, Skif hesitantly told Dirk that he needed to return to Kata'shin'a'in.

"I've spoken to Selenay though." Skif said, "Perhaps it might be a good idea if you come with me? Both of you?"

"Why?" asked Dirk dully.

"Because, it might help." said Skif simply.

Against all odds, (at least as far as Dirk was concerned) it did help. They left when the roads began to clear around the spring equinox. Skif and Jemmy talked when he wanted to talk and let him be when he wanted quiet.

Some nights he would hear Jemmy sitting up near to the fire, unable to sleep for the grief. Dirk would join him, at first they would just be near each other. After a while they began to talk. Eventually Dirk began to pass on to Jemmy stories about Talia. Some that he'd thought he'd forgotten.

A year would pass before Dirk was able to return to his duties at the Collegium.

**

Vrisa found herself at loose ends again. After all the bustle and nonsense of Talia's funeral, she sat in the suite of rooms Selenay had given her, wondering what she was to do next.

She had been installed at the Palace mostly for Elspeth's convenience, as the babe was due any day now. But after that..?

She dismissed the Cloisters out-of-hand. She'd seen too much of the world to go back to that shell. She knew there was a place for her at the Healer's Collegium, but she wondered if there were room in her life for more than work and duty.

There was a knock at the door. She glanced at the glass over the sideboard to see that she was fit for visitors and opened the door,.

"Hello, Vrisa" it was Devan,

"Oh" Vrisa was at a loss. She wasn't sure if it was seemly for her to invite a man into her room with no one else around, although no one here seemed to mind what she did.

"May I come in?" he asked cordially.

"Um, yes."

She indicated that he should sit. She sat across from him and waited.

"I have missed seeing you." He said softly, "How have you been?"

"I've been well, Devan." Vrisa hadn't sought Devan's company since Talia's death "I just assumed you were busy." but he hadn't come seeking hers, either.

He sighed, "I have been, in truth. There were many things I'd had to let go of while I was caring for Talia, that needed to be put in order." he looked at the floor, "I also wanted to give things time to settle before bringing up anything between us."

"Between us?" Vrisa said. carefully.

"I have grown very fond of you over these last few months." said Devan looking at her, "More than fond. I think..." He seemed to grow flustered "I'm not sure how your people do this Vrisa, so forgive me if I offend. I would like to marry you."

Vrisa felt her face growing very red "I can't give you children, you know."

This was, perhaps, the last thing Devan had expected to hear. "Lord of Lights! I'm not looking for a brood mare." He leaned forward and caught her hand, "I have enough responsibilities without children, at my age."

"I'm to old to marry again." she said firmly, but she did not withdraw her hand

"But, not to old to learn to read." he said with a half smile,

"You weren't supposed to hear..." she sputtered, turning redder and dropping her eyes.

"You impressed Keren enough that she mentioned it. The Heralds have enough experience with it to know how difficult it can be for someone who never learned in childhood to learn as an adult. Especially jumping straight into healing texts." He moved across so that he sat next to her on the short couch she occupied. He put a hand under her chin so that she looked in his eyes, "Vrisa, I do love you. I can't think of anyone else I'd like to keep company with as I grow old."

"I'm no beauty." she said.

Devan smiled, gently brushing the escaped strands of hair out of her eyes, "I could disagree, but even so, my people say 'plain cloth wears the best'"

"My people say the same." Vrisa replied, beginning to smile herself.

Epilogue

20 years later

"Andrean!" called Dirk from down the hallway, "I'd heard you'd gotten back this morning."

Andrean waited for the older Herald to catch up with him. He noticed with a vague anxiety that something was not quite right with Dirk, although he couldn't articulate to himself what.

Andrean smiled at his uncle "I was headed to dinner in the common room. Kris is apparently stuck in a council meeting with Lyra, so no chance of company from that quarter. Join me?"

"That's a fine offer, lad" Andrean wasn't sure, but it sounded as though Dirk was short of breath.

They sat in the common room comfortably talking, until Dirk put his hand to his chest, "Dirk?" asked Andrean

"I'm...all right," gasped Dirk, "Just having...trouble catching...my breath" He'd turned gray and he was sweating.

Dirk's breathing became more ragged, he began to sway. Andrean put an arm around Dirk's shoulder to steady him. Andrean heard someone calling for a healer. Dirk's head fell back and his eyes rolled up, going limp in Andreans arms. Dirk sighed as though with relief. Andrean fumbled to feel the pulse in Dirk's throat--it was gone.

The Death Bell began to toll.

**

As Dirk sat talking with Andrean he was feeling a little short of breath. To be fair, he'd been unwontedly tired all day.

He felt a sharp pain in the middle of his chest suddenly and then up into his jaw. More importantly, his chest felt crushed, unable to hold air. He saw the concerned faces of those around him, "I'm...all right...just having...trouble catching...my breath."

A strange Herald appeared before him. "Herald Dirk?" she said, "It's time to go." she held out a hand. Instinctively Dirk reached out for the hand.

The pain left him. It no longer hurt to breath. The woman who stood with him turned eyes of luminous sapphire upon him. The light in Her face was not meant for earthly eyes. He would have knelt, but She prevented him. "There is one who has waited long for you." She said.

Out of the mist a small figure with curly hair, huge dark eyes and a pointed chin appeared. Dirk couldn't move or speak. "Dirk. I have missed you." Talia said drawing near to him.

Dirk still couldn't speak. He just pulled his beloved into his arms with nothing more than a sigh of relief.


End file.
